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Last week at church everybody seemed to by crying when they said something. I leaned over to my wife and told her I was going home if one more person cried. The very next commenter in sunday school started to speak, paused gathered herself and started to cry. I was kind of put off but began to chuckle and it kind of became a game for us. We tried to predicted who would be the next to cry. We got a few more before class was done. I am not trying to make fun of people who truly feel emotion but i feel like it is becoming part of the culture. It feels to me that you are somehow thought of as more ” in tune” if you cry. In our last ward, the bishop cried nearly every time he came to the pulpit. It felt over done. I have noticed the brethren rarely choke up. Aren’t they supposed to be the in tune ones?
I have maybe cried twice in fifty years at church. Where does this practice come from? Is there some doctrinal support for it? Most of the time it just feels fake to me.
Pres. Eyring tears up almost every time he speaks, and I don’t think it lessens the power or beauty of what he says – and I generally like what he says. I agree that crying is no indicator of anything specific, as a universal rule, but I also believe some people simply feel things more easily and often than others. It is what it is, and, honestly, it doesn’t bother me – except the expectation aspect that assumes crying is better than not crying.
Yeah, I think some people do think that crying makes the message more meaningful or whatever and aren’t really sincerely crying. I also believe some people really are that emotional and that comes to the surface – HBE for one, as mentioned by Ray. It does kind of bug me, actually. Imagine what we would be saying if we (Church) still had Quote:speaking in tongues
.
Did you ever wonder what those services were like?
I know, I’m getting off track.
Some people’s emotions live closer to the surface. It’s funny I had never thought they would be more respected for crying, maybe those who are the same way would relate and feel some kinship. I always thought it showed an inability to control emotion, not saying that is a bad thing, that’s just what it is to me. Once in a blue moon I may feel someone is trying to add effect and THAT does bother me. Personally, for as long as I can remember I have felt somewhat betrayed by my emotions, they have not felt reliable to me so I think that has helped me learn to control them.
I also think that there is a backlash in the Church against the broader cultural idea that “real men don’t cry” – that Mormon men are allowed or even encouraged to cry as a statement in opposition to “the world”. Even with the reservation I mentioned in my other comment, I actually like this aspect of our culture.
I am a manly man, and even though I have many doubts about the gospel… for some reason I often get teared up when I am bearing a testimony, giving a talk, or talking about spiritual things. I don’t do it for effect and I wish I didn’t. But I feel some strong emotions at these times. It’s not because I feel like it’s the spirit overwhelming me–I feel more like it’s just pure human emotion. I like that in the church we are free to share that kind of feeling, when it’s real and come from the heart. I don’t like when it isn’t natural, and it is “used” as special effect because I feel that is manipulative and has for me the opposite effect.
I am not a fan of crying in most situations. I think it diminishes the message you are trying to deliver. I think many people believe it adds power and a level of authenticity to what they are saying. Jesus wept more than once in the scriptures so there is precedence. The problem now is everyone cries over the trivial things. Eyring was crying about a how meetings work at church headquarters. Hardly a profound subject. How did it all get started this crying thing? I am not sure, where they crying all the time in the early church? Who knows, but I suspect not. In the modern church emotion is used as a tool to to convince you the spirit is speaking. It is just one of those cultural things that Mormons due that makes sense to them but outsiders shake their heads.
Cadence I’m with you on this Quote:where they crying all the time in the early church?
I obviously wasn’t alive during those times, but I don’t sense Joseph Smith was a weeper. Brigham Young definitely not, nor John Taylor. Just reading their sermons and statements leads me to believe there were no tears involved. The same goes for Peter and Paul – I don’t sense crying when I read them. Paul maybe some impassioned yelling, but no crying.
I don’t mind men crying, my husband cries over tender commercials at times, and has at babies births and so on. The part I struggle with is when we take a man crying as a sign that he is somehow more spiritual than others. I know for a fact that a former Stake President used to call men into leadership who got choked up, cried, sniffled. He really believed that was a sign of the spirit. This prompted lots of men who formerly were stoic to add a touch of tears to their every address. It was painful to watch.
I’ve seen people that cry to get sympathy or attention, that behavior may be conscious or subconscious, sometimes there’s really no telling. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen someone cry in church to put up a spiritual facade. Every time I’ve teared up over the pulpit was because whatever I was saying/thinking/feeling was bringing emotions to the surface. I guess I assumed the same was true for other people. Maybe people that cry a lot are feeling genuine emotions but have a lower emotional threshold than most people.
The times that I’ve done it… I think it was because I offered up a well guarded, personal belief. Making sacred thoughts public in front of a group of peers can be a stressful enough situation to call up emotions.
There do appear to be people that cry every. single. time. I really don’t have a frame of reference for understanding what those people are going through, the only thing I know is that everyone is different. It could be hormonal, it could be a learned behavior, hard to tell. Ordinarily I’d think that
eventuallya crier would grow numb to it over time, eventually emoting less and less, but that’s just me projecting myself onto them. People that cry occasionally I see as being temporarily overcome with emotion. Just emotion. People that cry every time I freely admit that I’m often dismissive. Oh, they’re “just crying again.” They might not grow numb to it but I have. It’s a part of the wall I’ve had to build up around myself to guard against the people that cry to manipulate but that’s more my problem than anyone else’s.
Thanks for the responses. I see that i am reading more into it than i should. I know that Jesus wept. I try not read too much into it. It just bugs me. I have a bishop who plans and preps and manipulates the tears. He hands out tissues in advance of his talks and inevitably chooses tearjerker videos to supplement his lessons. It’s all very contrived and the topics generally do not have anything to do with serious doctrinal issues or learning. I think there are tons of reasons that people cry in church, the least of which has to do with the ‘Spirit’. More often, I think it has to do with people just generally being miserable in their lives, for various reasons.
In my opinion, the church sets up the framework of unhappiness and then people spend their lives flailing themselves against impossible standards and making themselves miserable when they or their loved ones fall short. They are unable to stand back from the framework and realize that the misery is created in their own minds, and that decoupling can increase their happiness.
I’m convinced the emotions come from people’s desire to fit in and from their nervousness about social acceptance and that the social vulnerability of testimony bearing helps make people cry. Give the testimony to the mirror, no emotions. Get in front of a group of people that you are very uncomfortable about your status in this group and talk about personal things that make you vulnerable = emotional response. This is not the only factor to making people cry, but I’m sure it certainly contributes. Quote:“Were they crying all the time in the early church?”
No, they were swaying and drinking and clapping and exhibiting other aspects of pentecostal emotionalism – often for hours, even in meetings that lasted all day.
Given my personality, I prefer the over-use of tears, frankly.
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