Dating a non member

[Anonymous]

I have tons of personal experience on this subject, I could call myself an expert on it because I have lived it!

This something you will have to decide for yourself. I married my Wife when I was inactive, 16 years ago. She gave it a chance but couldn’t handle the 3 hour block and TBMs always trying to convert her. I started going on my own and fully participated in Home Teaching, Sunday callings, Ward Councils, ect.. She had the same reaction as the folks Dieter Uchtdorf talked about in WC “Why would you want to join a Church like that?”.

My Wife was angry with me all the time for leaving the home to do my church activities. We fought and she said things like “You should have married one of them!” and “If I knew you were like this, I wouldn’t have married you”. This hurt me in so many ways and my kids had to listen to it also. There was chaos in the home and as a couple of years rolled by, it never got better. Needless to say, I had to leave the faith and go elsewhere.

I would do some soul searching, praying and talk to your Bishop or another member about your concerns. I would also talk to your BF about your faith and ask if this is something he could live with. You could also say that you would attend mass with him if he gives LDS a chance. There is no law that says you cannot set foot in other churches. Keep everything in the open so there is no surprises and be honest. Remember, forcing people to go to church is the devil’s way of obedience.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

A. Historical factors

1. Growing up in an intact, functional family

2. Parents were a good, not perfect, marital and sexual model

3. Both parents functioned well psychologically

B. Pre-disposing factors

4. At least 21 at time of marriage and not pregnant

5. Marry for positive reasons: to share your life with your spouse. Marriage not driven by negative motivations such as fear of loneliness, parental or peer pressure, rescue a floundering life

6. Know partner for at least one year

7. Commonalities in terms of socio-economic class, race, religion, education

8. Physical attraction with potential to develop an intimate sexual relationship

9. Discuss important life organization issues: work, money, children, where to live

10. Support of family and friends

11. Prospective spouse as a respectful, trusting friend

12. If cohabitating, treating the marital decision as a proactive choice, not sliding into marriage

13. Sharing important information about self, no major secrets

C. Process factors

14. Marital bond of respect, trust, and intimacy grows stronger and more resilient in the first two years of marriage

15. Develop a mutually agreed-on couple style for handling differences and conflicts

16. Wait at least two years before the birth of a planned, wanted child

17. Develop a comfortable, functional couple sexual style which integrates intimacy, pleasuring, and eroticism

18. Accept that approximately 30% of problems are resolvable, 50-60% are modifiable, and that 10-20% need to be accepted and coped with

19. Maintain positive, realistic personal and marital expectations

20. Use the guideline of a 5 to 1 positive-negative set of thoughts, feelings, and behavior toward your spouse and marriage

I love this list!!! :thumbup:

[Anonymous]

Ditto on the list!! I dated many lds and nonlds guys. As others have said if you choose the nonlds guy then go in assuming that he is NEVER going to convert and if you can accept that even when you are raising kids together than your marriage will be fine. I have seen a lot of interfaith relationships that were great until the kids came along and suddenly the religious choices became HUGE! That tends to be the area women in particular worry about. So truly search yourself and see if you are ok being a part member family and if he would be ok with you taking your kids to the lds church as well. Then go from there. If you do not go into the marriage thinking he will convert, or likewise him thinking you will convert and both of you before hand have decided about the kids attending issue then you will know what to do. Also please remember that a temple marriage does not guarantee a good marriage. The list above has some great points to consider. Goodluck on a hard desicion.

[Anonymous]

Apply the same criteria as anyone else. Is he a pleasant man, does he treat you properly?

I suppose the problems all come down to sex… we’re pretty buttoned up, but a lot of people out there expect sex before marriage, and it’s not the easiest thing to resist.

That and the problem a lot of people think we’re just weird.

[Author]

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