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I am happy to report I have tried dating in my YSA ward. I was going out with a girl for about 7 months but then we broke up. I was then told by my bishop to show up to Home Evening (which I never attend) to introduce myself to another girl in my ward who seemed nice from what he told me. Great, I was looking forward to it and was interested. But she never showed (not her fault) so I had felt like I just wasted my time. Sadly with this girl she is kind of like me where she is shy and she almost never goes to church anymore because she doesn’t have any friends. When I was driving home I started thinking that maybe I should just try looking outside of the church and stop worrying so much about being married in the Temple. I guess it’s just not something in the plan for my life for some reason no idea why. But after dating a girl for 7 months after putting myself out there and spending so much money on her I’m a bit at a loss as to what to do. It just feels as if lds girls just aren’t worth it, because they just aren’t interested in me. I am just not sure what to do anymore. I’m a 30 year old YSA and honestly it just feels over for me. Yeah cool I have learned to put myself out there, but even after trying that it didn’t work. I wouldn’t say a seven month relationship was a total wash out. You learned some things about relationships and dating. As to non-members. I dated non-members back in the day. The expectations are certainly different. If you live in a predominantly Mormon area some non-members are less willing to date members because of past experiences or stereotypes. But we’re all God’s children and your soul mate may not be a church member. There’s no way to know that. I think the only advice I’d give is don’t expect them to change and make your own flexibility for change clear, especially concerning religion.
I agree with DJ. I joined the church in an area where there were few members much less single members my age. So, I did date nonmembers. It was interesting and we usually didn’t have much in common, so I moved on.
I found “M Men & Gleaners”. That was the single adults before they changed the name. (Yes, I’m old.)
I met my wife & the rest is history.
kotm wrote:
I am happy to report I have tried dating in my YSA ward. I was going out with a girl for about 7 months but then we broke up. I was then told by my bishop to show up to Home Evening (which I never attend) to introduce myself to another girl in my ward who seemed nice from what he told me. Great, I was looking forward to it and was interested. But she never showed (not her fault) so I had felt like I just wasted my time. Sadly with this girl she is kind of like me where she is shy and she almost never goes to church anymore because she doesn’t have any friends. When I was driving home I started thinking that maybe I should just try looking outside of the church and stop worrying so much about being married in the Temple. I guess it’s just not something in the plan for my life for some reason no idea why. But after dating a girl for 7 months after putting myself out there and spending so much money on her I’m a bit at a loss as to what to do. It just feels as if lds girls just aren’t worth it, because they just aren’t interested in me. I am just not sure what to do anymore. I’m a 30 year old YSA and honestly it just feels over for me. Yeah cool I have learned to put myself out there, but even after trying that it didn’t work.
Could the priesthood leader arrange a 3 way chat/video introduction because timing to become friends between you and that girl you haven’t met hasn’t worked yet? Or be more active in the logistics of the introduction?
Rather then having you show up at activities hoping to make a new friend of a girl who doesn’t have a lot of friends (and may not show up) sounds like a very risky way to befriend people. Actually, it sorta sounds like a carrot to get you to the activity (“if you come to the activity I can introduce you to a new girl”) as the primary motive rather then helping to connect you to a new person. NOTE: I applaud the bishop for making the comment at all and trying to ease the connection and empathize over your concerns.
I can’t speak to the big picture of dating and religion – my husband wasn’t looking for a returned missionary/bossy person to date or marry when he met me. I was actively not interested in boys at the time (I literally had put all boys into the “friend zone”) when I ended up with more dates and meeting my husband.
What I would say is spend the money that you aren’t spending on girls in something that improves your mental health and stretches you and connects you to others – I’d get your butt in therapy, but that might not be your thing.
loneliness sucks. dating sucks. loneliness sucks worse. I would continue to put myself out there and try to cast as wide of a net as I could. I was always someone that would non-exclusively date multiple people at once (as long as the relationship doesn’t move past the third date and no conversations are had about exclusiveness. I would also avoid kissing or other shows of affection that might non-verbally send messages that I didn’t intend).
This, for me, would mean that I might have dates with non-members and members of the church.
When I met my now wife, the relationship progressed to include hand holding and kissing and the DTR (Define the Relationship) talk shortly thereafter.
If I had been dating in the current technological age, I would also include online dating which is now how a majority of people find their partner.
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