Dear Mormon Church, I think we need to talk.

[Anonymous]

Dear Mormon Church,

I think we need to talk.

As you remember, we met in college. I was young and naive but not inexperienced in many “worldly ways.” When you and I were introduced, I became mesmerized by you and I literally fell in love with you, Mormon Church. You provided me with answers to questions I hadn’t even asked yet. You seemed to have it all together – and your boundaries were appealing to me, having lived my teenage years without any. You introduced me to people that I thought were fun and smart and loving – and I found myself wanting to be like you and your friends. You taught me to be better than I was. Not long after we met, I made a life-long commitment to you. I even wore your name on my chest for 2 years to let everyone know that I was yours and you were mine.

Our relationship didn’t suffer – in fact it grew – when I met my wife-to-be, fell in love and married. We (you, my wife and me) have raised 4 children together – and all of them feel about you the way I did back then when we met. We have always made you a welcome part of our lives. In fact, I have told my kids that you are good, trustworthy, and helpful. They have come to believe that, in part, because I told them so. And, when you started calling me “Bishop” my commitment to you deepened and I felt like we would be inseparable forever!

Now, over 20 years after I first met you, it seems that things have changed between us. Lately (and I don’t mean to be rude, so please don’t take this the wrong way) but you only seem to call when you need a favor – toilets cleaned or an assignment fulfilled. Our relationship seems to be mostly about you these days. You frequently give me “to do” lists that you expect me to take care of – but what have YOU done for ME lately? I feel guilty even asking that question, but it’s on my mind a lot recently.

You’ll probably say that it’s just me (and maybe it is) but I think it’s you, too. Don’t get me wrong, change can be a good thing, a great thing – a necessary thing. And, we both seem to be changing and growing – but in different and incompatible ways.

Although I hadn’t said anything when I first noticed how much we’d grown apart, it was almost as if you knew because you wrote me a few letters – about priesthood and blacks, about first visions, about godhood – and it was as if you had read my mind. For us to continue to grow together, I needed you to be more honest with me and you were. I was so proud of you. So proud.

You also sent some messages about me (and everyone) being welcome and how perhaps mistakes had been made by you and your leaders in the past. It was like a breath of fresh air and new life – I remember thinking, “We have a lot of years together ahead of us.”

So, what happened to you these last few weeks? Your recent actions have caused me concern all over again and I just don’t know what to do about it. You are sending me conflicting messages, Mormon Church. And, frankly, I’m getting too old to play these games anymore.

So, Mormon Church, where do we stand in our relationship? Are we going to stay together, mutually benefiting one another as we have for over two decades? Or, as you continue to seek your own survival, will it become necessary for us to go our separate ways? I sure hope not. As I said, you were my first true love and you helped me so much in troubled times in the past. I will always be grateful for our time together, but right now I am just not sure about our future. I would love to know where we stand.

Love,

LDSThomas

PS – Please write back.

---

Edited a few times for typos. I hate typos!

[Anonymous]

Really nice.

[Anonymous]

Nice, and I could certainly had written most of it myself. I’m not sure if we should be blaming the “Church” for the events of the past couple weeks, though. I say that because I spent many years being angry at God until I finally realized it wasn’t God I was or should have been angry with – it was the church. THEN, I realized it wasn’t the church, either – it was individuals in the church who had done the damage in the name of the church. And while I realize these individuals were wrong, I only realize it through the lens of my new-found faith and belief, and I realize they don’t know they’re wrong. (It really is sort of like the “Sixth Sense” thing.)

[Anonymous]

hawkgrrrl wrote:

Really nice.

Thanks. I feel better knowing someone is listening.

LDSThomas

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi wrote:

Nice, and I could certainly had written most of it myself. I’m not sure if we should be blaming the “Church” for the events of the past couple weeks, though. I say that because I spent many years being angry at God until I finally realized it wasn’t God I was or should have been angry with – it was the church. THEN, I realized it wasn’t the church, either – it was individuals in the church who had done the damage in the name of the church. And while I realize these individuals were wrong, I only realize it through the lens of my new-found faith and belief, and I realize they don’t know they’re wrong. (It really is sort of like the “Sixth Sense” thing.)

DJ:

Thanks for your comments. I am not exactly sure who my letter to my former love, the Mormon Church, is actually directed to — the members, SLC leaders, local leaders, the culture, or just my own memories of who I once was — because I, too, am the Mormon Church.

LDSThomas

[Anonymous]

-like-

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[Anonymous]

LDSThomas, that’s a wonderful letter. At one time when I was considering removing my name from the records I should have considered writing a letter like that. Anyway, I didn’t go through with removing my name.

[Anonymous]

Thumbs up from me 🙂 I’ve had those feelings too.

[Anonymous]

Very thoughtfully written. I can completely relate to your feelings. Wish the church was listening.

[Anonymous]

LDSThomas wrote:

DarkJedi wrote:

Nice, and I could certainly had written most of it myself. I’m not sure if we should be blaming the “Church” for the events of the past couple weeks, though. I say that because I spent many years being angry at God until I finally realized it wasn’t God I was or should have been angry with – it was the church. THEN, I realized it wasn’t the church, either – it was individuals in the church who had done the damage in the name of the church. And while I realize these individuals were wrong, I only realize it through the lens of my new-found faith and belief, and I realize they don’t know they’re wrong. (It really is sort of like the “Sixth Sense” thing.)

DJ:

Thanks for your comments. I am not exactly sure who my letter to my former love, the Mormon Church, is actually directed to — the members, SLC leaders, local leaders, the culture, or just my own memories of who I once was — because I, too, am the Mormon Church.

LDSThomas

:thumbup:

[Anonymous]

THANK YOU everyone for the continued kind comments. As I wrote the original “Dear Mormon Church” letter yesterday, I felt a little bit of peace and I thought that posting it would provide . . . I don’t know, something that I was apparently seeking. While the kind comments here (and on one other online space that I posted it) bring me some feeling that I am not alone, I continue to feel alot of anxiety today about it all. It is not a good feeling.

LDSThomas

[Anonymous]

LDSThomas:

Thank you for putting those feelings into words. As I read, I wanted to stand up and shout, “And ME too.”

I went to church to day. I really enjoyed the sacrament service. It was lovely and spiritual and uplifting. And yet .. AND YET .. I read through lesson manuals and wonder why we don’t delve deeper into history and discuss things a little more honestly. REALLY discuss. I look at budgeting and wonder why our young women never have equal budget with the young men. I look at so many issues that have nothing to do with doctrine and everything to do with culture and an infusion of new-Calvinism, and I feel dis-satisfied. I look at families of certain legacy last names and watch their attempts at empire building within the organization of the church, and I wonder why that is tolerated.

LDSThomas, you captured my thoughts so well. Thank you.

— Amateur Parent

[Anonymous]

amateurparent wrote:

LDSThomas:

Thank you for putting those feelings into words. As I read, I wanted to stand up and shout, “And ME too.”

I went to church to day. I really enjoyed the sacrament service. It was lovely and spiritual and uplifting. And yet .. AND YET .. I read through lesson manuals and wonder why we don’t delve deeper into history and discuss things a little more honestly. REALLY discuss. I look at budgeting and wonder why our young women never have equal budget with the young men. I look at so many issues that have nothing to do with doctrine and everything to do with culture and an infusion of new-Calvinism, and I feel dis-satisfied. I look at families of certain legacy last names and watch their attempts at empire building within the organization of the church, and I wonder why that is tolerated.

LDSThomas, you captured my thoughts so well. Thank you.

— Amateur Parent

A post this brings to mind was On Own Now’s explanation of the church as a friend, something like: We have lunch, we call each other, but we don’t share a towel. The idea that I can (and should) have boundaries was new to me. I guess some people naturally have them; I didn’t. The institutional church doesn’t fill my deepest needs, and that’s okay. As OON also said, “Spirituality belongs to us.”

[Anonymous]

Quote:

The idea that I can (and should) have boundaries was new to me. I guess some people naturally have them; I didn’t.

Ann,

I had to learn boundaries. Growing up, I was told that if someone from church asked me to do something, I had an obligation to do it. I was to treat the request as if God himself had asked.

Some requests are inspired. Many are just desperately busy people hoping to delegate something

Healthy boundaries are just that — HEALTHY.

((( hugs ))?

[Anonymous]

This post epitomizes how I feel toward the church these days — I joined in my 20’s for all the reasons listed, and yep, the part about only calling when it needs something is very appropo. Great job in describing the confusing evolution.

[Author]

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