Deseret News: Traditional Marriage Sucked in the Past

[Anonymous]

10 days ago, there was an article in the Deseret News about acceptance of people who are LGBT. Today, there is an article about how bad traditional marriage was in the past.

I like the reminder that this is not the church culture of my youth, even though it still is in too many places.

The money quote for me:

Quote:

There is much we can learn from the past, but little we would want to return to.

Enjoy!

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865637757/Good-old-days-for-marriage-were-not-as-rosy-as-some-think.html?ref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2F

[Anonymous]

The article puts into perspective Brigham Young’s statement that “any two people living the gospel can have a happy marriage”. Perhaps during his time, marriage was there for practical reasons, and there wasn’t a strong expectation of a soul mate.

The statement is considered ridiculous by some in modern times, but we have expectations that our marriages will be full of love and natural attraction, as the article points out.

What SHOULD we expect from marriage? I would like to think we should expect love and to marry someone who meets our needs, certainly who doesn’t abuse us, and who sees the relationship as more than a practical arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Ray wrote –

Quote:

10 days ago, there was an article in the Deseret News about acceptance of people who are LGBT. Today, there is an article about how bad traditional marriage was in the past.

Wow. The Deseret News of all places. The Apocalypse may be around the corner.

Silent Dawning asked

Quote:

What SHOULD we expect from marriage? I would like to think we should expect love and to marry someone who meets our needs, certainly who doesn’t abuse us, and who sees the relationship as more than a practical arrangement.

I recently read a book about marriage called Love Sense http://www.amazon.com/Love-Sense-Revolutionary-Romantic-Relationships/dp/0316133760/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1443577371&sr=8-2&keywords=love+sense” class=”bbcode_url”>http://www.amazon.com/Love-Sense-Revolutionary-Romantic-Relationships/dp/0316133760/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1443577371&sr=8-2&keywords=love+sense though it focuses on couples, she also posit’s some great theories about human disconnect that are occurring all around us. Her thesis is that these relationships or lack thereof are causing a larger crisis in life’s environment than anything else. For a married couple she believes they need to be able to understand where the other person is coming from. It’s more than communication, it’s kind of psyche searching. I think the things you are asking SD are exactly what she is getting at for modern marriages.

[Anonymous]

I remember reading some statistics about marriage. I cannot remember the source. Essentially, modern couples remarry at the same rate as they did a couple centuries ago. Back then, it was due to death of a spouse. Now it is divorce, but the rate has stayed the same.

[Anonymous]

Another excellent book on the subject is The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap by Stephanie Coontz. The fact that jumped out to me is the high rate of pregnant brides in puritan New England in the 1700’s. This book only reinforces that we DO NOT want to go back to a traditional marriage.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similar before-hand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always contrive to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life. —Pride and Prejudice

I don’t agree with the sentiment expressed in this quote but my instincts tell me that happy marriages are not necessarily the norm.

[Author]

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