- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
We’re not going to stay. I’ve been working with a therapist and doing a lot of talking with DH. We’re both on the same page. We just don’t feel like staying in the LDS church and raising our kids there is the right thing for our family. I’m reminded of one of my favorite comments that Ray makes quite a bit. Something to the effect of “it works for those that it works for and it doesn’t work for those that it doesn’t.” For us, it doesn’t. I hope this doesn’t mean that I won’t be welcome here anymore. This board has been so influential and supportive for me in navigating these past 10 months or so. You all have such wonderful perspectives and the ability to discuss things without judging each other. I know we’ll be needing advice and support as we go forward and work through the inevitable fallout with our TBM family members. I have no desire to take anyone else’s belief from them or steer anyone out of the church. I see the good that it can do in peoples’ lives and I respect that.
Anyway, I just wanted to update all of you and thank you, yet again, for creating this wonderful atmosphere.
You are still welcome here, and can join those who no longer stay in the church but stay on this board. For some, once they decide to not stay, there is still support needed on how to replace some church things with other things to keep teaching children, or how to talk to family, or what to do when the ward seeks you out to invite you back, or other issues.
I’m hoping your decision is bringing peace into your life and your household. Besides…the church isn’t going anywhere. You may think later in life it is something that may be good for your family, even if right now it isn’t.
I see nothing wrong with your decision. I would hope you will continue to seek the Lord and to do as he asks. That is what I feel is most important. I know in my case, I attend the LDS Church purely to serve and my DW rarely does (she and I attend a Humanist Society together often instead). And I do not believe in most of the doctrines that are taught because I believe they are distortions of the truth. However, I have good relations with the members there and the bishop and SP know that I firmly believe (know) there is a God and am willing to do anything God asks of me and am happy to help out the members as often as I can. I just want to know for sure that something is from God and not of Man and that is what drives my interest in Mormonism (and the LDS Church). Good luck on your path! Please continue to post and as others have said the church will be there if you ever change your mind. Either way Im happy that you are here. Please don’t leave us here on the board May. I have enjoyed your comments and insights and I have benefited from them. I hope you find the path that’s right for you and your family. Please don’t take this as being nosey and please don’t feel you have to answer, but are you planning to be a part of any organized religion? I’m just wondering what they might have to offer that the LDS church doesn’t.
Thanks for your responses and support. DarkJedi wrote:Please don’t take this as being nosey and please don’t feel you have to answer, but are you planning to be a part of any organized religion? I’m just wondering what they might have to offer that the LDS church doesn’t.
You’re not being too nosy, DarkJedi. As of right now, we are not planning on participating in any organized religion. We still believe in God(although my thinking in this area is still evolving) and the teachings of Jesus Christ. We plan to continue holding family prayers and teaching our children stories from the bible and probably even some from the BOM (although we’ll present them as fictional stories that have good lessons to be learned rather than historical fact). We’ve also talked about having our own family devotional time on Sundays and continuing to regard it as a special day for family and God. This is the direction we plan to take. We’re going to sit down later this week (DH and I) and talk about our core values and come up with a list of the top ten that we want to instill in our children. These will be a big part of how we approach teaching them and focusing our own thoughts on religion.
We’re also still working on what to say to our TBM family members who will undoubtedly be shocked and upset at this path we are taking.
I must admit that it feels really great to be taking our own direction with our family and being able to discuss and define our own values and morals rather than just going along with what is taught at church for the sake of obedience. I can’t see the future, so I don’t know if we’ll ever be part of organized religion again. I’m not completely opposed to it and, as my husband says, “if we change our minds, the church will still be there.”
MayB wrote:We’re going to sit down later this week (DH and I) and talk about our core values and come up with a list of the top ten that we want to instill in our children. These will be a big part of how we approach teaching them and focusing our own thoughts on religion.
I really like this. It’s good to see parents take an active role in choosing what values they want their children to have rather than just allowing the church or some other entity do it for them. I hope to do the same someday when I have a family. Good luck!
I like this too — that you are taking charge of the family culture, of your teaching and training, and are not beholden to the idea that if you’re not in the church your family will deteriorate. I kind of wish I could do this too, but my daughter is really immersed in the LDS church now and it would shatter her if I came out totally. And, I’m not even sure if I really want to anyway, preferring to keep options open. Anyway, good luck,. I hope you keep posting here as you find some of the most open-minded Mormons on earth here (and presumably, ex-Mormons too). As long as you can continue to contribute to our mission of helping people stay LDS, you are welcome here – and I have no doubt you can. MayB wrote:Thanks for your responses and support.
DarkJedi wrote:Please don’t take this as being nosey and please don’t feel you have to answer, but are you planning to be a part of any organized religion? I’m just wondering what they might have to offer that the LDS church doesn’t.
You’re not being too nosy, DarkJedi. As of right now, we are not planning on participating in any organized religion. We still believe in God(although my thinking in this area is still evolving) and the teachings of Jesus Christ. We plan to continue holding family prayers and teaching our children stories from the bible and probably even some from the BOM (although we’ll present them as fictional stories that have good lessons to be learned rather than historical fact). We’ve also talked about having our own family devotional time on Sundays and continuing to regard it as a special day for family and God. This is the direction we plan to take. We’re going to sit down later this week (DH and I) and talk about our core values and come up with a list of the top ten that we want to instill in our children. These will be a big part of how we approach teaching them and focusing our own thoughts on religion.
We’re also still working on what to say to our TBM family members who will undoubtedly be shocked and upset at this path we are taking.
I must admit that it feels really great to be taking our own direction with our family and being able to discuss and define our own values and morals rather than just going along with what is taught at church for the sake of obedience. I can’t see the future, so I don’t know if we’ll ever be part of organized religion again. I’m not completely opposed to it and, as my husband says, “if we change our minds, the church will still be there.”
This sounds very liberating to me. I sincerely hope it works out for you. I think it can – even though I have not been active in church for several years, I still hold core values which do line up with the church (and Christianity in general) and I live the commandments to the best of my ability (which is all anyone really does). I’m pretty sure you can make it work for your family. The church doesn’t have any magic and it doesn’t hold a monopoly on spirituality or moral good.
Hi, MayB – I hope you continue to post here. I think we can all still help each other. Best wishes to your family. Old-Timer wrote:As long as you can continue to contribute to our mission of helping people stay LDS, you are welcome here – and I have no doubt you can.
I’d have to reread the essay, but I think, from memory, that the staylds intro talks about it having a two-fold mission. To help people find good and balanced way to stay in the church or to support them in leaving with dignity and respect for others. I’ll have to have a look back through it.
If ever I leave the church, and it still comes up as a thought sometimes, I’d want to leave the staylds ‘way’ – quietly, respectfully and taking as few people ‘out’ as I did so.
MayB, I’ve enjoyed your contribution and can understand the reasons for making that decision while at the same time personally tipping in the balance of staying. I hope that you at least stay here at staylds.
Quote:I’d have to reread the essay, but I think, from memory, that the staylds intro talks about it having a two-fold mission. To help people find good and balanced way to stay in the church or to support them in leaving with dignity and respect for others.
Absolutely. Thanks for adding that, mackay11. It’s important.
Hi MayB. I am happy for you. Not that you are leaving, but that you are finding your own dictates of your own conscious and who you are. That is something no person or book can teach, but is a matter of self discovery and exploration and between you and god. If there is one thing I strongly connect with in LDS faith is unconditional love or charity.
I just wished it was taught without a lot of church strings attached.
This is not a suggestion per say but more of my own childhood experience.
My values were well entrenched before I was baptized. As a child I resonated strongly with the value series books.
http://www.goodreads.com/series/100045-valuetales-series ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.goodreads.com/series/100045-valuetales-series It was there rather then the bible or BOM I got my values or at least resonated with more so then any other place.
It’s an example of how good values can grow with or without outside influence.
You and your husband can seek your own for your children.
It is definitely possible to be successful here because u sense an Ernest seeking of self and truth and compassion from you.
I hope you continue to contribute to this board. And find a measure of peace unity and joy for yourself and your family.
Take care always– Will
P.S. I am happier that there is stronger emphasis with at least some if the top leadership and bishops about mental health and psychology. It wasn’t the case for me growing up and faced a lot of persecution for this.
This is a welcome change that in finding peace we can seek help from what is helpful for some and many people without turning to just one place for everything.
Thank you for your kind words and well wishes. I still read StayLDS and will contribute wherever I can. Even now that we’ve decided on a course, I still find myself second-guessing our decision. It’s very hard to find your own way and feel confident going forward when you’ve been taught your whole life that there is only one way to happiness. I know that we’ll always have some measure of association with the church through family, friends, and neighbors. I think that is a good thing. There are some things that the people in the church do very well and, as a whole, they are really great people and truly want to serve others.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.