Discussions with TBM spouse

[Anonymous]

My wife just told me I’m not allowed to criticize the church anymore. Apparently, whenever we talk about it, I don’t have anything positive to say other than its good for my kids until they get their own views as a adults. So, that’s how it works in my family.

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi,

While this isn’t a response that Dr. Phil might approve of, my doubts are somewhat “unofficially” off limits for conversation. My TBM wife knows I have significant doubts and that given the choice and knowledge as a youth I would have chosen a different path. Since there’s nothing I can do to change my past, my wife and I understand we make the best of our life as it is right now. That includes teaching our children values, all of church history, and loving each other unconditionally.

Right now, and from a practical perspective, there’s nothing I’m willing to do to change my relationship with the church. That’s my choice, and given that reality, there’s no reason for me to continue to discuss my doubts with her. It’s much more productive to go on a date and talk about things we both like.

[Anonymous]

SilentDawning wrote:

My wife just told me I’m not allowed to criticize the church anymore. Apparently, whenever we talk about it, I don’t have anything positive to say other than its good for my kids until they get their own views as a adults. So, that’s how it works in my family.

I don’t openly or at home criticize the church, but I have been known to criticize the occasional local leader in private. So it pretty much works that way for us, too.

Roadrunner wrote:

While this isn’t a response that Dr. Phil might approve of, my doubts are somewhat “unofficially” off limits for conversation. My TBM wife knows I have significant doubts and that given the choice and knowledge as a youth I would have chosen a different path. Since there’s nothing I can do to change my past, my wife and I understand we make the best of our life as it is right now. That includes teaching our children values, all of church history, and loving each other unconditionally.

Right now, and from a practical perspective, there’s nothing I’m willing to do to change my relationship with the church. That’s my choice, and given that reality, there’s no reason for me to continue to discuss my doubts with her. It’s much more productive to go on a date and talk about things we both like.

I’m sure Dr. Phil wouldn’t approve, but I don’t listen to him anyway. We’ve been going along on a path such as you describe for several years, but I’m at the point where my relationship with the church is going to change (for the better from her perspective) and a discussion probably does need to happen – not about doubts, more about expectations and beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Roadrunner, I LOVE that comment. Thank you!

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