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I have read of mosaics and tapestries. Beautiful analogies. Beautiful stories. A church that claims to know so much truth. A church that softly discounts the Catholic idea of the mystery of the Trinity. A church that still teaches polygamy as having been doctrinally correct for its time. A church that has a history of supporting whatever political party is in power .. No matter how evil. A church that claim to know why we are here and where we are going and what Gods plan is for each of us. A church that has no place for LGBTQ. A church that states 10% tithe must be paid even when basic living expenses are not covered. A church that did not stand up for Civil Rights. A church that claims it is led by a Prophet, yet makes decisions by committee. A church that claims to KNOW God’s Will, but spends more money on commercial real estate investments than on aiding people.
God’s ways are a mosaic. God’s ways are a tapestry. The Church — the puzzle.. It is lousy box of puzzle pieces that are not fitting together .. No matter how hard I try.
And I am trying really hard .. Just not making much progress.
AP, They key, IMO, is to stop trying to put the puzzle together to create the image on the box. That was someone else’s vision. Think of the image YOU want to create, then find puzzle pieces that get you closer to your goal, no matter their source. Ignore the others. The pieces that work for you won’t fit together perfectly, but if you arrange them in a close-enough fashion then step back, you may find that the image you want to create can begin to appear.
On Own Now: The problem I am having is that when I ignore the picture on the box and put the pieces together in a way that makes truth in my life, the church isn’t part of it. Praying about it doesn’t lead me closer to the church, it seems to be pulling me further away. I always thought prayer led us all closer to the LDS faith .. I’m stunned to not feel drawn to the church. It feels like God is telling me to take a different path. I don’t know what to do with THAT.
My husband and children are devout. They want me to share their faith. I am trying to make this work.
My husband has never dealt with anyone leaving the church .. He has just dealt with people coming back. He doesn’t know how to “fix” this. All he can do is listen. We have settled for mutual love, respect and and even more physical relationship. We’re focusing on what works .. And trying to work around the areas that we no longer have in common.
AP, I’d like to explore this with you, but I make the following disclaimers first: – It doesn’t matter to me whether you StayLDS or not. That is entirely up to you. As a non-believer myself, I think the Church has no intrinsic value, only the value that we apply to it. If you can make it work for you as a framework for spirituality while staying connected to your believing family, great. But, if it doesn’t work for you, you’ll get no argument from me.
– I’m an amateur and I have my own demons. So, this is just a conversation. I might offer thoughts or even advice, but they exist only because of my own experiences, which are different from yours. So, no problem if we see things differently.
– I want to ask about your “different path” and maybe chat about it to some degree, but if it gets too personal, by all means, we don’t need to continue.
amateurparent wrote:It feels like God is telling me to take a different path.
This is what is interesting to me. Do you feel that God’s telling you to take a different path is a positive or a negative injunction? What I mean by this is do you feel like God is telling you what you should do (how to be, how to live) or what you should not do (stay with the Church)?On Own Now: I’ve been so focused to trying to stay somehow marginally LDS and focusing on family dynamics. I need to start focusing on “What does God want me to do.” And see where this journey leads.
I have no answers right now .. Just lots of questions .. And a puzzlement of why I am on this journey at this point in my life.
AP, I wish you well. I hope you find a way forward.
amateurparent, All I can say is I wouldn’t try to force the issue. It may sound stupid (because it probably is) but I was so busy trying to find out where I belonged, looking for a label to apply to myself, that I never took the time to just be me. I reached a point where the all important soul searching questions in life no longer needed an answer. Sure, I’d still like an answer to some questions but I no longer
needan answer. People come, people go, and people return. I think the one true path rhetoric of Fowler’s stage 3 (specifically the LDS church in this instance) and some descriptions of stage 5 (a
returnto sacred stories and symbols) gives people the impression that they haven’t “progressed” until they find some way of making the church fit back into their lives. Stage 3 because there’s this lingering feeling of having to stick around the church because it very much
wasthe one and only path to heaven, almost like hedging a bet. Stage 5 because of the language about “returning.” Stage 5 doesn’t mean deciding to go back to your stage 3 religion.
It’s especially difficult when we see people that have followed a similar initial path as ours end up re-embracing the LDS church. We might convince ourselves that returning must somehow be the ideal path because it worked
for someone elsethat has actually walked a mile in our shoes. If it worked for them, why not me? What am I doing wrong? I view those types of thoughts as remnants of the black and white thinking coming back. Just because it worked for other people doesn’t mean it’s my path. That said, I’ve found value in finding ways to reengage the church, I was able to derive value through that wrestle with god. Maybe the benefits were similar to finding a way to make peace with an estranged relative but on a spiritual level. The relative/church was largely immaterial, it was about finding peace with an entity in which I had taken offense.
amateurparent wrote:The problem I am having is that when I ignore the picture on the box and put the pieces together in a way that makes truth in my life, the church isn’t part of it.
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My husband and children are devout. They want me to share their faith. I am trying to make this work.
The church might not be in your mosaic but your husband and children probably are and the church is probably somewhere on their puzzle. I don’t know about most people’s mosaic but I’ve got my wants, needs, desires, beliefs, hopes, etc. on mine… and other people’s wants, needs, desires, beliefs, hopes, etc. find a place on it as well. Other people contribute towards my mosaic. I don’t have control over what they contribute but they contribute all the same. I can’t let them take over, it’s my mosaic. Working together is a delicate balance.
Nibbler: Thank you for your insight. I’m going to take some time to think through your comments. Sage advice.
amateurparent wrote:I have no answers right now .. Just lots of questions .. And a puzzlement of why I am on this journey at this point in my life.
I really do think this is something that is an important part of growth. It takes real faith to look at the journey and all the questions you have, and what YOU believe…what you truly believe…not what your husband or kids believe and how you feel obligated to believe it too…not what your family raised you to believe…not what things you were spoonfed by church lessons of things you should believe.All those things have brought you to a point, based on stories and metaphors and others’ stab at trying to express the divine…and we hoped to God it was accurate and true…and it is painful and disappointing to see it isn’t exactly what we wanted it to be.
What if others at the birthday party say it was the worst party, worst cake and kids were all running around hitting each other it wasn’t safe and they never want to go back to that house. Would that fit your experience? No…you don’t know why others would believe that. It wasn’t what you experienced, it wasn’t the truth to you. So…how do you know if they were right or not? You might want to hear more of their story and ask them to clarify, maybe you understand their point of view or you don’t. The facts are the facts. But how you feel about the party is based on YOUR experience and how you process it. Regardless of others. That doesn’t change the facts. But in some ways, the facts (there was cake, there were kids running around, etc) are not as important as the experience you have, and how you process it.
Things have changed for you, the ground has shifted beneath you. What you used to experience isn’t what you experience anymore, and you start to look back and question your prior experience to try to make sense of where you are now…that is natural. And although you can’t understand how in this point in your life you have these questions…you’ll have to just accept that you do.
I never expected at my age I would be divorced and our family be learning to deal with this new dynamic of our family. It is painful. And yet, it is our family still. And we still build our relationships stronger through it all, me and my kids are closer than ever because of it. There is no “WHY” to what is happening. I have to accept I am where I am, and I will move forward and be happy.
Build your faith going forward…forgetting why it is happening or how it happened or what happened in the past.
Today is a new day…you build your faith forward by following your heart to goodness, love, empathy, service, christ-like charity…have faith that wherever that goodness takes you is where God is leading you. And allow yourself to be imperfect and still learning. There may be something you are to learn over time, and then it may click again and you see clearly why your family and others believe so strongly, and you can believe in most of it again like they do…perhaps with a twist. That may or may not happen.
Or…you may come to find you do not believe it. You just don’t based on all you know and have experienced. BUT…you will be a good person, a loving mom, a wonderful friend and wife. In or out of the church…you will become your potential and then…all things will be OK in the end. You don’t need to fear, but replace fear with love. You don’t need the church to be who God wants you to be.
I’m sorry. It is hard and painful when it isn’t just running smoothly like we planned life would be for us. We thought we were on a path that led to a puzzle picture in our minds we thought was the goal and purpose of it all. It is scary when we start to see the purpose was bigger and grander than what we thought before.
But have faith. God works in mysterious ways. He is working with all of us, wherever we are, and however we need it…He doesn’t care whether we believe Lamanites were in upstate New York hundreds of years ago.
He does care about if we reach out and love those around us.Go to church on Sunday and ask God, “Who can I love this week?” …regardless of whether they believe Golden Plates truly existed or not. Love does not need historic facts. If it did, God would have setup video cameras around so we all knew exactly what did and didn’t happen and then could love. Nope…we don’t need it. We may need testimonials of others that point us in good directions…but then we choose based on our own experience and belief where we go from there. Prioritize what you need in your life. And be ready to start letting go of the stuff that stresses you out. And cling to the brightness and goodness you find in the world, and that makes your family stronger and closer. Look ahead with faith, not fear.
Quote:Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.Maori Proverb.Just keep swimming. Good things are ahead.
My testimony is that I do not know a lot of things…I may not share it over the pulpit…but I don’t even know if any stories in the scriptures actually happened. But I know I am mormon. I go to church. I want to give priesthood blessings to my children. I want to have faith that all this matters. I see good people at church who believe in good things and strive to do good works. I choose to believe in goodness and myths and teachings of God. And have no clue whether they actually happened or not…we just use stories to move us closer to God. And I keep trying to move to goodness and am open to whatever God will teach me.
Thanks for letting me go on and on…this is my testimony and it helps me to share it. I don’t know if my experience helps you. But…perhaps I want to tell you that you are not alone, and that it can be OK in the end as you create your own faith and find peace.
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