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I like Turnitabar’s comments….and largely agree with them. I think we make a fundamentally wrong assumption about “callings” in the church. My recent and church-long experience with volunteers shows that PROJECTS make excellent opportunities for to get people involved, for leaders to get to know participants talents and passions, AN D further important interests of the church and individuals.
Callings, on the other hand, can be a recipe for non-commitment and sometimes, mediocrity. People get tired of the repetition and
can ‘t sustain the effort. It becomes like work if there is a bad fit between the calling and the individual’s passions and skills. And often, they stop functioning because they are not allowed to withdraw from the calling on their own terms (at least, some have that perception, and there is a cultural norm that you don’t ask to be released, as The Unwritten Order of Things suggests).
The next time I am asked to take a calling, I am going to consider whether the calling could be made into a short-term assignment, or if a short-term assignment could emerge instead of a calling. Such as putting on a social, or a service project, or something that has a definite end — without begging to be released. Some will say “but you don’t have the blessings of being set apart”! My answer (internally, not outwardly stated) is that I could always get a priesthood blessing to help me “be successful” in my upcoming projects. Further, one can pray and rely on their relationship with God to get the help they need.
In my experience, people love “slacktivism” — a tongue in cheek term used to describe service for the sake of feeling one has made contribution, without having to make a long term commitment. I also think it’s a wonderful thing for learning about people’s native talent and what is important to them. It allows you to extend longer-term assignments and callings that are also a good fit.
The actual statement is that every new member should have a “responsibility” – NOT a “calling”. There’s a difference, and it goes to the heart of what SD said – and the issue facing turimturanbar. t, my advice would be to talk to each new convert and see what they like to do – and then find a way to give them a series of short-term responsibilities / assignments in that area (a new one when the old one is completed) with no pressure to create a traditional calling.
Every new member needs a responsibility versus a calling, I’ve honestly never made the distinction before. I know I’ve been guilty of hearing “responsibility” and translating that to “calling” in my mind. I went back to the source and Hinckley uses the words responsibility, assignment, and activity. No mention of callings anywhere. It’s also clear that the intent is to give the new member an opportunity to grow and to help them feel like a part of the community, not to simply be a warm body in a vacant role or to fill some pressing need. It really is about helping the individual progress. I’m commenting in this tread because this year, for the first time, I found myself both asking to be released from my current calling and declining a different calling. To me that was something I thought that I would never do, yet there I was doing it. Icing on the cake… recently a visiting GA came and “never, ever refuse a calling” was a part of his message. Shame on me.
Doubts drove me to that point and I was very open and honest about how I felt like my doubts were preventing the unit from receiving all the blessings that it could receive should the calling be staffed by someone that perhaps had a bit stronger testimony. I also communicated that I felt like I was being intellectually dishonest with myself by continuing in my calling. That was some time ago, and I’m still in my current calling. Now I could have pressed and been released long ago but I decided to hang around because doubts aside… the unit is small, the needs are great, and above all I still love the people I serve. It’s a strange path that I’m walking, one I don’t really understand.
Putting on my TBM hat: If we all did callings that fit our current strengths would we truly grow? Even if callings are assigned by an impromptu dart throwing at the ward roster competition if you go in with the attitude that you are going to do your best you will come away a better, more experienced person in the end.
Hat off: I’ve had callings that I didn’t enjoy. Perhaps the only lesson I learned in those years was that of patience.
SilentDawning wrote:Callings, on the other hand, can be a recipe for non-commitment and sometimes, mediocrity. People get tired of the repetition and can ‘t sustain the effort. It becomes like work if there is a bad fit between the calling and the individual’s passions and skills. And often, they stop functioning because they are not allowed to withdraw from the calling on their own terms (at least, some have that perception, and there is a cultural norm that you don’t ask to be released, as The Unwritten Order of Things suggests).
Yes, this is a problem. I’ve seen many people go inactive shortly after receiving their first calling in the church. I do not think they went inactive out of laziness; I’ve been in their shoes, I think they experience a crushing guilt because they feel like they are not meeting the expectations of their callings. It may be due to a lack of training, a struggle to fit a calling into a busy life, or it may even be 100% perceived, but the end result is the same. That guilt can kill your spirit. I think taking a hard line with “serve where placed” can contribute to that.
In the past I took a very hard line with the cultural expectation that you don’t ask to be released. I spent a long, long time in one calling but felt the lord would inspire the bishop to release me eventually. The truth is that bishops are busy, there are lots of people in a ward, and they simply forget about you. From the experiences I’ve read in this tread related to some of the non-inspiration methods of extending a calling perhaps I can make a suggestion as to a non-inspirational method to handle the release from a calling. Assign a maximum time frame for each calling, record the date that a person was appointed to that calling, don’t let people go over that limit (unless they want to).
Human nature is such that most won’t give service unless asked so in that regard “serve where placed” helps. Doing something is more beneficial than doing nothing.
i can remember years ago being given a paper that asked about things you enjoyed, things you have special abilities and talents in, things you would like to learn more about, etc. i assume the leadership wanted a better idea of what talents peole had and were willing to help others learn and what kind of callings would be more appropriate for them, etc. Haven’t seen one of those in a long time. when i was the Primary secretary, and being in on discussions about callings needed filled, i don’t think I ever remember prayer being suggested to use in finding the right person—maybe thy pres and her counselors did it and I just didn’t know.
I think that it would be perfectly acceptable, if when you are called to a calling, to say, “let me go home and pray about it, then I will give you an answer.” I just think it is kind of interesting that we are told that callings are inspired and prayed about—we we all know that they aren’t always prayed about. But if we are being called according to prayer and inspiration, I think that we should be able to do the same with giving our answer.” This does not fit with, accept all callings.
Also, it is our responsibility to let the brethren know what is going on in our lives. My Mother was dealing with a tremendous amount of things on her plate already, when she was called to a stake position. She explained to the stake counselor what was going on in her life, and his response was, “I think the thing to do, is to not call you to this position.”
I have have held two callings at one time, and was asked to do a third–but it interfered with one of the callings I already held. I had to point out to the member of the bishopric that the new calling required me to be somewhere at the same time as one of the callings I already held. They decided they wanted me for the newest calling the most, which happened to be cub scouts. I didn’t give an answer right away, and kind of freaked out. I had a bunch of kids at home—and not one of them was a cub scout. I knew cubs took a lot of time, so I was looking at being involved in a time consuming program that none of my children were involved in—and I still had my other job. The RS president told me I needed to talk to them because she could see how distraught I was. I told them I couldn’t do the scout calling, so they left me in the calling I already had.
I guess I kind of have a hard time seeing inspiration being used in trying to add a third calling to my life that would interfere with another calling they had already given me. And I always feel guilty for not accepting a calling—but I was already serving in two callings. I was asked to be in the nursery when I was getting divorced, had 2 young children, and worked every day in special ed. with severely handicapped children. I went home and cried. I needed to be around some adults. I was already playing the piano in primary. they left me where I was. I have been asked to do a second job more than once and turned down the second one.
I said something to my stake president about feeling like I couldn’t do a calling and asking to be released from even visiting teaching. He seemed to understand and told me about a time when his wife couldn’t do those things. When i pointed out that we are told we are never supposed to turn down a calling, he didn’t say it, but I got the feeling he understood that there were times when people could not do things.
i have also been the primary piano player and the primary music director at the same time–figure that one out. We made do without a piano player for about 6 months. One of the presidency would play for me, or I sometimes didn’t use the piano with new songs, at first. They finally decided to call me to play the piano, even though the bishop said he felt like I belonged in the chorister position. They did not call a new chorister, and told me to keep doing what I had been doing. I was sustained as the Piano player, but not released as the chorister. I was able to find them a piano player who was willing to play the piano–so they released me from that job, sustained the new piano player–and primary music went on.
I’ve also been sustained to a position that i was never asked to do. I was home for some reason, and found out from my kids when i came home that I had been sustained to a position. I thought that one was pretty funny, I had no problem doping the calling and it was a second calling for me.
momto11 wrote:Also, it is our responsibility to let the brethren know what is going on in our lives. My Mother was dealing with a tremendous amount of things on her plate already, when she was called to a stake position. She explained to the stake counselor what was going on in her life, and his response was, “I think the thing to do, is to not call you to this position.”
I said something to my stake president about feeling like I couldn’t do a calling and asking to be released from even visiting teaching. He seemed to understand and told me about a time when his wife couldn’t do those things. When i pointed out that we are told we are never supposed to turn down a calling, he didn’t say it, but I got the feeling he understood that there were times when people could not do things.
Thank you for your examples Momto11. I am really glad that this stake counselor listened to your mom. When DW expressed reluctance about a new demanding calling the bishop promised her that if she accepted God would bless us to more than make up the difference. What was to come was the most trying time of our lives. Now the bishop couldn’t foresee this and our sorrow was not connected to her calling – but we now see it as an empty promise.
Your SP also sounds like a good man. I think the general rule is that people should be “anxiously engaged in a good cause.” This can apply to working in the church and the church has need of willing laborers. OTOH, I do not accept “never turn down a calling.” I believe that almost any person or church leader, if consulted one to one about individual extenuating circumstances, could support the turning down of certain especially ill fitting assignments.
To answer the question of the thread title, IMO, yes. I really enjoyed reading this thread and I especially liked the thoughts about just having “responsibilities” and not “callings” and the comments about letting leadership know which callings we will do.
As I read this, one of the things Nibbler said struck me
nibbler wrote:Putting on my TBM hat: If we all did callings that fit our current strengths would we truly grow? Even if callings are assigned by an impromptu dart throwing at the ward roster competition if you go in with the attitude that you are going to do your best you will come away a better, more experienced person in the end.
Hat off: I’ve had callings that I didn’t enjoy. Perhaps the only lesson I learned in those years was that of patience.
[quote=
I will openly admit like he, I have had callings that seem to only give me patience, but I started thinking about life in general. I think his TBM self has a valid point. When we were kids how many of us would have done our homework without pushing in some manner. I know me personally I would never have given a presentation or speech in front of a group of people if I weren’t forced to. Because I was forced to learn that talent I can do it now, I still don’t think I am very good at it but it is something I have learned. To bring it back to the gospel, I am somewhat socially backward, so, should I just leave a cake on someones door step when I see they are having a bad day when what they really needed was a hug? (OK, that may be a bad example but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.) One of the main points of this life, IMO, is to learn and grow, in order to do that we sometimes have to do things we don’t want to do.
Ultimately, IMO “callings” and/or assignments should be reviewed on a case by case basis. Most of the time if you are being asked to do something there is a real need (for example momto11 being both the pianist and the chorister both were needed. It just seems they didn’t know who/how to fill both.) In my life, I have looked at what has been asked of me and made a decision based on whether I thought I could make a reasonable attempt to do it. I always reserve the right to go back to leadership and ask to be released as I find I am just not able. If I do not think I can do the “calling” reasonably, I say no and explain why. Maybe I have just had good leaders, but I have never been pressured to accept something that I didn’t think I could reasonably do.
I felt I had no choice but to accept my last calling. I felt pressured into doing it with all the usual things eg it is an opportunity to learn and grow, blah blah blah. They said they had prayed about it and were inspired to call me and knew I was a perfect fit for the role.
At the interview, when they told husband and I, we laughed out loud, we thought they were joking. I was given the role of RS chorister.
I hate music. I hate noise, I run around the house turning noise off. I physically get a headache from it. I can’t sing a note (proven – I have tried and the teacher gave up). I can’t read music, I can’t recognise notes or beats. I don’t know any hymns.
This calling was obviously NOT inspired, it was a calling given to keep us coming each week.
I took it on as I felt I was unable to refuse. I was given lessons by the RS president in conducting, I did on-line courses, I listened constantly to the hymns on cd and bore the headaches that went with that. I would stay awake until all hours for nights on end, trying to learn the selected hymns and how to conduct them. I would be in tears at 3am on Sunday morning because I just could not get it.
Then the RS session came around. I would be in tears again, but still got up there to do it. I had well meaning sisters offering to train me, telling me I am getting better – they just made it worse as it was obvious that the hours of practice I had put in just didn’t make a difference, otherwise they wouldn’t be saying those things.
I felt humiliated every Sunday and did not want to go. I would feel physically ill.
So much for inspired callings and agency. That experience blew another part of my testimony out the window.
momto11 wrote:
I think that it would be perfectly acceptable, if when you are called to a calling, to say, “let me go home and pray about it, then I will give you an answer.” I just think it is kind of interesting that we are told that callings are inspired and prayed about—we we all know that they aren’t always prayed about. But if we are being called according to prayer and inspiration, I think that we should be able to do the same with giving our answer.” This does not fit with, accept all callings.I actually did this when called as seminary teacher. The bishopric member was shocked, my husband was shocked, but I didn’t feel comfortable accepting that calling right away. I should add that they were asking me in the spring, so it was well in advance of any need. And I did come back with a Yes the following Sunday. And the year that I taught seminary turned out to be one of the hardest years of my life (I was going to say “worst” but my youngest daughter was born in the midst of it
My husband and I were called about a year or so as “family history consultants.” This was clearly an administrative need – I’m sure someone from the stake said each ward needs to have X number of FH consultants – and not only could the bishopric member not tell us anything about the calling, we have never received any training and in fact we’ve been told we have no assignment. I don’t fault the bishopric member for this but I think this is a clear cut case of a calling not coming from the Lord. Husband and I both felt pretty awkward so we said “yes,” I think, to avoid making waves. But I have promised myself since then that I will not accept a calling that’s extended to me without making some attempt
for myselfto discern who is really extending the calling. This may cause some administrative problems as there’s a habit in our ward to extend a calling at 8:50 on a Sunday morning and announce it over the pulpit at 9:05. Many years ago I actually had a stake president dispense the advice to go home and pray about a calling if you didn’t feel an immediate spiritual confirmation. He did expect that individuals would come back and accept the calling, nevertheless, the door was open to that not happening. I have rarely accepted a call in the meeting since then and have refused a couple based on the lack of spiritual confirmation and understanding the calling just wasn’t for me.
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