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Hi, Jorsen – I’m sorry for all the things weighing on you right now and hope being here will help. The talk about paths and the “NOM” designation reminds me of a significant shift in my thinking. Every analogy has its problems, but this one quickly reoriented me: The church isn’t the path, it’s the walking stick. When I got that straight in my mind, I was able to look up and get excited about the journey again. I stressed less about what others were doing or how they saw me. I still hide a lot, but it’s getting better, partly because I’m more comfortable speaking my mind and because I hope we’re on the verge of real “Big Tent” Mormonism. Jorsen, many of us can relate to what you’re saying: Quote:I find myself sliding in between Orthodox and unorthodox belief. in priesthood session, I found that I began to have the feelings of the Spirit uplift me so much. I was so inspired by some of the talks and I loved being around other people that I knew we’re just trying to be better men and better people.
My problem is that as usual the next day or perhaps as early as an hour or so after the event I begin to question myself and what I feel about the church.
On some subjects I consider myself Orthodox on others, not so much. I refuse to feel guilty because I question. That’s the way I learn.
I don’t consider myself just Republican or Democrat, either. (I definitely don’t feel guilty about that.)
Sorry to hear about your father. It makes everything more poinient when looking into eternity. On the orthodox/unorthodox dualism, I expect found that once I redefined things for myself, especially what a prophet is, my orthodoxy/unorthodoxy struggle wasn’t over but it was easier. I define prophet as a good man or woman who is trying to define who and what God is, struggling within their own culture and time, struggling with their owb humanness, and there’s no only one else at a time on the earth. Therefore everything they say is their opinion on the nature of God. Orthodoxy then sort of falls apart, especially ancient orthodoxy. Fast forward to the modern church, and the same applies, not only do we all look through glass darkly, we all see with different tints. Orthodoxy then becomes a personal choice then rather than a ‘needs be’ situation, I choose when and where.
There is too much ignorance at the extreme edges on both sides, the middle way seems to fit better for me as well. You will always bump up against those on the edges and will never make them happy. Plot your own course.
So sorry for the loss of your father. My experience in my life, has been grief amplifies everything. If one is in a romantic relationship and there are issues, grief will amplify those issues. Grief also amplifies spiritual and religious relationship issues. Be aware that you possibly might be looking at everything with a grief Magnifying Glass. Maybe not .. But at least be on the lookout for it. About Orthodoxy and non-orthodoxy .. It is such an unusual road simply because the road is unique for each of us. We each have to trail blaze our own path. When we try to follow someone else’s path, too often we get to the destination that they picked .. But we might have had another destination in mind. Finding out own path is hard work. And it is lonely. Road building with a crew of friends is so much more fun. There are stories to tell and share .. Things are share. If we are lucky, we can build a path that is not too far from others. That allows for sharing, teambuilding, and sharing of tools. But we still end up with a path that is uniquely our own.
Some of us will forage paths that will allow us to remain within the church, others of us will take paths that move out of that geography. But as we each look for guidance and help on our individual journeys, how can we do anything but wish each other well and hope for the best for all.
For me: I believe so strongly in God. I believe that God is aware of us and our troubles and our sorrows and joys. I see the church as full of so much goodness and rightness and integrity — and so much misogyny, uncomfortable history, cultural weirdness, and CES/correlation lies and sins of omission . I don’t believe the church to be the only source of truth and goodness and revelation. I pray for guidance. Currently, I put less focus on church and more focus on God and His will, I am doing more good within my community in small ways. I am more aware of others’ needs. Whether it is helping someone with a task, volunteering, donating to a worthy cause, I have been more present as a force of goodness in the world as I have become less present at church. And at this point, it feels like God is smiling.
Jorsen wrote:The prospect of trying to find someone who is not only a latter day Saint but is also open enough to accept and love someone who is unorthodox seems to be an impossible task.
It may seem impossible, but it’s not.
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