Does the Good Outweigh the Bad?

[Anonymous]

journeygirl wrote:

Old-Timer wrote:

That’s largely because I don’t belong to the Church; it belongs to me.

Love this, Ray!

I like this too. To be frank though, the problem for me is that being the kind of Mormon I want to be makes others look down on me and that makes me unhappy to be judged to be “less valiant” because I can’t keep my integrity and continue to teach and testify like I used to. I just can’t get excited about home teaching, missionary work, leadership training meetings etc. I guess I need to let go of my desires to be admired and be content with being looked down on by friends and associates.

The other problem I am struggling with is, do I want this kind of life for my kids, being stuck in the middle? I can’t raise them to be TBMs. I don’t want them to have to go through what I am going through. If it would be better off if they were never LDS, should we just bite the bullet and pull out now?

Anyway, I think the church is good for kids in general. For now I am planning on staying solidly in the church as a non-believer who reinterprets temple recommend interview questions. I try to do damage control at home. But the above questions are always in my mind.

[Anonymous]

Tim wrote:

Anyway, I think the church is good for kids in general. For now I am planning on staying solidly in the church as a non-believer who reinterprets temple recommend interview questions. I try to do damage control at home. But the above questions are always in my mind.

I realize it does take time to build a new worldview, I would simply suggest if you are going to spend time in the church maybe you could be open to new possibilities as far as personal perspectives go. Instead of defining yourself as a “non-believer” can you imagine validating your personal belief as in line with what God wants for you? To me that is what Mormon teachings point to: “don’t take my word for it” (or adopt my personal belief) “find out for yourself” (or believe what God reveals to you individually.) I try to believe all truth that is revealed to me, that is my job as a good Mormon. “Lord I believe, help thou my wrong belief.”

The other part of making this work is to not compare your personal belief with others, or even the prevailing attitudes in church. I like to find similarities between my own understanding and what I hear others say, but I expect big differences and I’m comfortable with 200 people having 200 different ideas on any topic. I don’t expect anyone else to share or even understand my individual perspective. It does help when I can express my views in words that others will relate to, and as long as I can affirm my understanding (or a portion of it) in that way I seem to fit very well in church.

I have never been excited about doing traditional missionary work, but I don’t worry about what others may think (I’m more concerned about what I think of them) and I have re-interpreted home teaching and enough other things to feel at home in general.

[Anonymous]

Tim wrote:

To be frank though, the problem for me is that being the kind of Mormon I want to be makes others look down on me and that makes me unhappy to be judged to be “less valiant” because I can’t keep my integrity and continue to teach and testify like I used to. I just can’t get excited about home teaching, missionary work, leadership training meetings etc. I guess I need to let go of my desires to be admired and be content with being looked down on by friends and associates.

I had the scout troop out to my workplace and I gave them a tour. One of the scouts later commented to his dad, “Bro. Jones is totally different at work.” At work I have specialized post graduate education, 10+ years of experience, and a director level position – IOW an expert. At church I focus mostly on my kids, keep my head down, and style myself as a harmless liberal (as opposed to a militant/confrontational liberal).

Orson wrote:

“Lord I believe, help thou my wrong belief.”

Really love the modification Orson. Help my wrong belief, especially those things that might be damaging to myself and others.

[Anonymous]

Yes Roy, and you know there are two parts to that. It is easy to see the wrong beliefs that others hold (or those that conflict with our “knowledge” anyway). The harder part is to be open to seeing our own wrong beliefs. …We all hold some.

[Anonymous]

MayB wrote:

The wonderful people on this site have been, and continue to be, helping me find the good and be okay with worshiping in my own way.

I totally agree. I didn’t find this site for a very long time after my faith crisis… something like 15 or so years. It was tough to be all alone. Finding this community has been a godsend… and not simply when we agree… but seeing things from a different perspective than my own has also helped. It’s interesting to me how sometimes just writing out my feelings makes me think about things ‘out loud’ that previously only swirled around in the back of my mind, and that has been a big help. I think that knowing that I’m not the only one, and hearing from others about what they find of value has helped me to refocus. I find more opportunities for ‘spiritual’ fulfillment now that I have put more emphasis on “worshipping in my own way” as MayB says.

One thing I’ve learned from the wide diversity (from cwald to Ray) on this site is to be more tolerant of different views. It’s funny, because I didn’t realize how intolerant I was toward the party-line, until I had to stretch to be accepting of the views of other ‘dissenters’. I have found that, for me, being tolerant of LDS people still fully in with the program has helped me to shed away a lot of angst that kept me from being able to worship in my own way.

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