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I’m always amazed at the amount of personal faith tests the typical member is expected to go through to prove or show their level of testimony to others. Recommend interviews, speaking assignments, prayer assignments, home teaching, etc… all seem to be ways for others to request a declaration of our testimony. Personally I don’t feel like I have any privacy or way to set boundaries or decline “invitations” without repercussion. Only option is to not put oneself in a position, meeting, or church activity where others would assume full participation of everyone. Hard to say “no” in the Church without consequences. Not sure how it works in other faiths, but I would assume less expectation of participation from the general membership than the leadership. Anyone know otherwise? In my own experience other churches are far less participatory and far less concerned with anything other than a belief in Christ – and even then they don’t necessarily ask you to declare it publicly. Just as a side note, I think it’s just as interesting what people don’t say on F&TM Sunday as what they do say. That is, while there are lots of “I know the church is true, I know the BoM is true, etc.” there are other testimonies that don’t say those things and many who sit and don’t bear testimony at all ever (or very rarely). Even it talks it’s sometimes interesting to “hear” what people don’t say. I realize it’s not possible to cover every belief in 15 minutes but I also recognize some people have opportunities to bear witness of something and don’t. I suppose there are lots of reasons for that – but one reason could be they simply don’t have a testimony of that particular thing. That’s what I do – I don’t have a testimony of prayer but I have talked about it in talks before without bearing testimony of it. There are several other common beliefs/teachings/traditions/whatever with which I do likewise (including the BoM from which I quote but do not bear witness of).
The church that hired me this week told everyone their church is not one where you just come and do very little — he said he wanted volunteers who were engaged, working hard, and making sacrifices. I thought that was a good statement, and perhaps one of the reasons they were growing so much. At the same time, I think their growth has a lot to do with house prices in that area and proximity to lots of places to work. I was chuckling a bit that everyone claims that growth is due to God blessing their ministry, when in fact, its the Real Estate market blessing their ministry. We had a Ward that made same claims in a town I moved into once, and the prices were cheap, and you could get to major cities easily — that was why people moved there — they were all committed members. Missionary work was the same or worse than everywhere else in that area, so the growth was due to members moving in, not miraculous proseltyzing.
Anyway, I think a truly substantive church is one that does require a lot from its members, but also has a place for the people who are benchmwarmers. I think all should be welcome. IN our current ward leadership, we have two leaders — a Bpric member and our RS president who I both home taught. Both had a period in their life when they needed to be benchwarmers given a marriage breakup, disillusionment with their covenants, and adjustment periods that lasted for several years.
All should be welcome, right? And hard work engenders commitment doesn’t it?
Totally agree with the illusion of growth we all are told is a sign or blessing of our efforts from above. Reminds me of the “miraculous” growth in missionary applicants in the year following the age reductiions — simple math tells you that by increasing the eligibility by one year (half of a two year mission) that for the following two years you will have a temporary “bump” in applicants. Not real growth in interest, just eligibility for those who would have gone a year earlier anyway. I digress – I do serve heavily in temporal and scouting programs and consider myself more committed to those I serve than most others who can barely show up. I just don’t feel I have to work so hard to avoid being “outed” for a weak testimony in the process. Only option seems to be to stop showing up altogether. But I appreciate your comments… Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
lotsofgray wrote:
Personally I don’t feel like I have any privacy or way to set boundaries or decline “invitations” without repercussion.
It might not feel like it, but you do. First, half the time you don’t need to respond immediately, which gives you time to think things over and even post about them here if you feel stuck. Second, I’ve read that responses like these are effective:
“I don’t feel like that’s something I can commit to right now.”
“If it’s all the same I’d rather not today.”
“I’ve noticed that Auxiliary X could use some help with Y, and I’d feel better about doing that instead.”
In response to statements like these, repercussions are normally no worse than the inviter being a little confused or curious. Most people won’t pry, and you can stop them politely if they try.
^I agree with Reuben. I think most active members would be surprised how many and how often people turn down callings. I suppose some of my perception could come from the area in which I live (“Many of the the truths we cling to….”) and that my ward and stake don’t have leaders who harp on “never refuse a calling.” Nevertheless, I stick with it being more common than most know. Quote:I do not pay tithing.
I often work on Sunday.
I watch rated R movies.
I do not have a TR…do geneology… go home teaching very often.
I abstain from alcohol, drugs, and to a lessor extent tea and coffee. (these latter I avoid mainly out of habit and expectation)
I am sexually and emotionally loyal to my wife.
I wear garments much of the time.
I hold a calling in the cub scout program.
We are good neighbors and involved citizens.
I weigh my conscience, the pros and cons of each “commandment” individually, and how my choices may impact those around me (Spouse, children, extended family, and church community).
I am kinda going for the slacker Mormon vibe. “Have you done your home teaching or Genealogy?” I might respond, “That is not something that I feel passionate about right now. I am just trying to prioritize my time as best as I can.” If they continue to press, perhaps by bearing their testimony or giving me a “challenge”, I will smile, nod, thank them for their interest, and give a non-committal response like, “I will have to work on that.”
:thumbup: I cross posted my answer from another thread that gives an idea on how I deal with “invitations” when I would prefer to decline.
The funny thing about the title, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is that you are encourages to tell – as long as you are straight/orthodox. Then go ahead and open your mouth to preach my gospel. It is only when you are different that you need to curb self expression.
Reuben wrote:lotsofgray wrote:
Personally I don’t feel like I have any privacy or way to set boundaries or decline “invitations” without repercussion.
It might not feel like it, but you do. First, half the time you don’t need to respond immediately, which gives you time to think things over and even post about them here if you feel stuck. Second, I’ve read that responses like these are effective:
“I don’t feel like that’s something I can commit to right now.”
“If it’s all the same I’d rather not today.”
“I’ve noticed that Auxiliary X could use some help with Y, and I’d feel better about doing that instead.”
In response to statements like these, repercussions are normally no worse than the inviter being a little confused or curious. Most people won’t pry, and you can stop them politely if they try.
Thanks for this – I need the words and phrases and then some practice using them!Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I think I need some assertiveness training…[emoji108] Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reuben wrote:
It might not feel like it, but you do. First, half the time you don’t need to respond immediately, which gives you time to think things over and even post about them here if you feel stuck.
DW and I have a rule about waiting at least a day before making any large purchases or purchasing anything from a salesman. It has helped immensely. There have been multiple times when the sales pitch seemed so compelling. But the next morning or a few Google searches later we are very glad that we did not commit our family resources in this manner. (usually there is an incentive to sign up while the salesman is still in your home…as though tomorrow may be too late. we stick to our rule.)We do similarly with new calling assignments. We tell the person issuing the calling that we will have to pray about it and get back to you tomorrow. By the next day we have a better idea of how the calling might impact our family time/life. We have both declined and accepted callings in this manner.
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