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So i found this site from searching YouTube. I watched a really interesting video called mormonstories? I have found myself going online more and more trying to figure out what is causing me so much sadness lately. Im really different from everyone else on here. For starters i just joined the church over three years ago. This is the first church i have ever belonged to in my life. [paragraph edited/removed by moderator]
I love serving in the church and being around others on Sundays. I have really struggled in the past couple of years with being single in a family ward. As of late i have also had a hard time paying my tithing recently and feel really guilty about it.
So my question is…what is really bothering me? I struggle to do as much as i can but always feel like its not good enough. Then there is the subject of being alone. I have tried repeatedly to meet someone that is lds but havent had any luck here. I am so tired of friends at church counseling me to pray and read my scriptures. Does praying and reading your scriptures really make everything better? Or is there a different answer? I love the church so much i cant imagine leaving to go somewhere else to find companionship. Does anyone else have these problems?
Welcome! We can all relate on some level with not fitting the ideal at church. I hope your participation here can bring some comfort. wornoutsneakers, Welcome! I look forward to your perspectives.
The Church and its people have a bit of a fixation on guilt as a motivator. It’s good to try to improve ourselves so that we are better people. But our motivation should always be based on trying to be our best selves… not in trying not to be our worst selves. If we don’t always measure up to our own expectations, that’s no problem, because we are all mere mortals. My view is that the point of the gospel should be to reach for the good things in life, rather than simply “purging” the things we don’t like. If we fill our lives with the good, we naturally won’t do the things we don’t like, and filling our lives with good is all we need to hope for. The atonement more than simply forgiveness of sins; it is about the ability to live a god-centered life.
Welcome. You’re not all that different from people here. None of us fit a mold here, that’s why we’re here. I liken it to cookie dough. The true believing orthodox members are the ones cut out into a shape by the cookie cutter. We’re what’s in between the shapes – the same good stuff just not in the uniform shapes. I am a convert and I didn’t marry until I was 30. I lived in a somewhat rural are where wards are far apart and stakes are geographically huge. There were no singles wards, it was impractical. I think I might understand some of your loneliness and I feel for you. I agree with OON, that many members of the church have a fixation on guilt and not being good enough. You don’t need to believe them, believe in the atonement of Jesus Christ and in a loving and merciful God – the one in the New Testament, not the one in the Old Testament. No, prayer and scripture reading are not magic. I’m sure for some people both are helpful, but it doesn’t work for everybody and is a bit of a cliche in the church. The problem is that there isn’t something that works for everybody. Some people get the same results by serving others – if that helps, do that. You just need to find what works for you, and you need to figure out what you really believe.
Welcome! wornoutsneakers wrote:I have tried repeatedly to meet someone that is lds but havent had any luck here. I am so tired of friends at church counseling me to pray and read my scriptures. Does praying and reading your scriptures really make everything better?
I used to listen often to a talk by John Bytheway titled “What I wish I knew when I was single.”
In it he references a woman that was getting older and unmarried and how people gave her the same advice. Her response was, “If it was a matter of prayer and scripture study, I’d already have a line of “Nephi”s outside my door.”
Sometimes people give crappy advice and it always says more about them than it does about you.
Dating is tough no matter how you slice it. We all muddle through dating/life just about the best we can. It does get better though!
:thumbup: Again – Welcome!
Welcome. Life is hard in a community when it doesn’t match the communal ideal. Interfaith marriage has a unique set of challenges, but, ultimately, men and women are not meant to be alone. I believe interfaith marriage with someone you love I better than a lifetime of celibacy and loneliness.
When the tipping point I reached is a personal decision – completely.
wornoutsneakers wrote:I am so tired of friends at church counseling me to pray and read my scriptures. Does praying and reading your scriptures really make everything better? Or is there a different answer?
Praying and reading scriptures is the go-to answer for everything in the church. Don’t feel bad about hearing it, it’s just something someone says when they don’t quite know what to say but still want to help. For the folks that live in the mormon corridor… what happens when you show up to an emergency room with a compound fracture? Do the doctors there ask you if you’ve been praying and reading your scriptures as the first two questions in assessing your condition?
😆 :angel: Anyway, welcome and thanks for posting.
I don’t have much time but wanted to say welcome. Seeking happiness or for-filament through complying task and accomplishments is a fast road to emptiness.
You will always have more to do, you will never be satisfied, always chasing the carrot, always out of reach.
It’s not a path to self worth. So it won’t feel a void.
Spend time searching and thinking(meditation). What your mind or soul is crying out sort to speak and paying attention can be difficult. Find something you love to, something that defines you and create and cultivate it.
That’s highly independent on the individual.
Search for your breath or spark, what speaks to your soul.
Serving others is a common one. Creating or expressing yourself through various forms of art is another.
Humans tend to need progression rather then completing numerous task as a way to feel compete.
Find out what you enjoy progressing in and actively donate your time and talent to it.
Take care.
Thanks for welcome. Despite my somewhat dismal sounding post i am pretty active in my ward. I have been for the past year a big part of the missionary effort here and still try to find ways to support the missionaries. I am also part of the Presidency of one of the “groups” and try to do my best. Being single is a concern for me (and for the most part i’ve decided to “let go and let God” so to speak) but tithing has become a huge issue for me financially. I am just trying to muddle my way thru this and hope to find some answers about how best to deal with it. If tithing is a huge financial burden, but you still hope to pay it, you should be aware that tithing is not defined as 10% of your gross. Many (most?) members interpret it that way, and I’ve heard it taught many times, but the FP issued a letter in 1970 that said the following: Quote:For your guidance in this matter, please be advised that we have uniformly replied that the simplest statement we know of is that statement of the Lord himself that the members of the Church should pay one-tenth of all their interest annually, which is understood to mean income. No one is justified in making any other statement than this. We feel that every member of the Church should be entitled to make his own decision as to what he thinks he owes the Lord, and to make payment accordingly. — First Presidency Letter, March 19, 1970
Now, I’m not going to tell you how much you should pay, or even how to interpret the above, because the statement says I shouldn’t… I will simply point out that when people try to decide how much they should pay, some of the factors are what constitutes income or increase… is it gross or net or growth? Even if a person decides upon ‘net’, what does that mean? Can you rightfully deduct not only taxes, but also reasonable living expenses? Only you are qualified to answer these question.In response to On Own Now… Thanks for the reminder. Your response triggered a memory i had from Section 119 where it states that we pay one tenth of our interest annually. Im struggling to come to terms with what i can do that is “acceptable” to church leaders and my conscious and God ultimately. I guess alot of my angst is more self driven than imposed (for now
In response to On Own Now…
Thanks for the reminder. Your response triggered a memory i had from Section 119 where it states that we pay one tenth of our interest annually. Im struggling to come to terms with what i can do that is “acceptable” to church leaders and my conscious and God ultimately. I guess alot of my angst is more self driven than imposed (for now
What’s acceptable to church leaders is what is acceptable to you. It’s really between you and God. The question they ask is “Are you a full tithe payer?” They shouldn’t be asking you anything beyond that. You just need to feel right about what you are paying.
Welcome! BTW, love your user name. I think your desire to stay LDS as a recent, single convert, who has no religious background, is amazing. If you find so much happiness in it, continue to try to make it work. Don’t ever try to make yourself fit into a mold of what you think everyone expects you to be. I did that for a long time and it about drove me crazy. Now that I’m allowing myself to be who I am, I’m learning to find a little joy at church again. We’re ALL individuals. Even lifelong members struggle with some of the same things you’re struggling with. Find the answers within yourself and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. I know that’s hard to do in the church, but once you learn how, it’s infinitely worth it.
Forgotten Charity said:
Quote:Humans tend to need progression rather then completing numerous tasks as a way to feel complete.
I love this FC. I needed this today!
:clap: wos, You might also find this helpful:
Regarding tithing, for as far back as I can remember whenever I read “increase” I immediately thought “increase of net worth annually.” Today I don’t think that definition is off the mark, (to each his interpretation) but if it was commonly understood that way the super wealthy are probably under paying and those going further into debt are paying too much.
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