Don’t want to go tho tithing settlement

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I’ve never been called up and informed that my temple recommend is expiring and would I like to meet with the bishop at X time next Sunday.

Just for a reference point, I have. It’s common practice in some wards and not in others. Personally, I don’t mind the reminder, since I want to have a current recommend. Others feel differently, and I’m totally cool with that.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Quote:

I’ve never been called up and informed that my temple recommend is expiring and would I like to meet with the bishop at X time next Sunday.

Just for a reference point, I have. It’s common practice in some wards and not in others. Personally, I don’t mind the reminder, since I want to have a current recommend. Others feel differently, and I’m totally cool with that.

I have also, and I sometimes used to make those calls. It was a topic in bishopric meeting, and it was part of the old monthly report the bishop used to have to do (I don’t know if they still do those). Tithing settlement, on the other hand, we just let go. We put a sign up sheet on the wall by the clerk’s office and if you signed up fine, if not that was fine, too. Both bishop’s I served with seemed to be of the mindset that it was more of a burden than a real opportunity to interact. The appointments are too short and it wasn’t really a time for counsel. If ever they wanted to meet with someone they just made an appointment.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Quote:

I’ve never been called up and informed that my temple recommend is expiring and would I like to meet with the bishop at X time next Sunday.

Just for a reference point, I have. It’s common practice in some wards and not in others. Personally, I don’t mind the reminder, since I want to have a current recommend. Others feel differently, and I’m totally cool with that.

Huh, I wonder if it’s a regional thing? I live in the midwestern US and haven’t gotten one of those calls in 13 years as an endowed member.

[Anonymous]

Joni wrote:

Old-Timer wrote:

Quote:

I’ve never been called up and informed that my temple recommend is expiring and would I like to meet with the bishop at X time next Sunday.

Just for a reference point, I have. It’s common practice in some wards and not in others. Personally, I don’t mind the reminder, since I want to have a current recommend. Others feel differently, and I’m totally cool with that.

Huh, I wonder if it’s a regional thing? I live in the midwestern US and haven’t gotten one of those calls in 13 years as an endowed member.

I don’t know about it being regional, it probably has more to do with local leadership. I live in the northeast, but I think the same thing happened when I lived in Texas.

[Anonymous]

My wife handles the finances in our family. She has mentioned a couple of times that she/we still need to pay tithing. I’ve been letting it go. I have no intentions of attending tithing settlement. When the bishop has to declare for me and sees no tithes paid during the year I guess I’ll be on the radar.

[Anonymous]

Some bishops simply invite people to come to tithing settlement, but no on-the-door sign-up and no scheduling calls.

[Anonymous]

I am not a full tithe-payer, but not because I don’t want to.

We had some financial setbacks and my lack of balancing the checkbook didn’t make things easier and tithing was one thing I honestly just “never got around to”

I now have tithing set up on auto pay so that a check is sent to the bishop’s house each month.

I was not a full tithe payer last year either…same reason. Numbers are simply not my thing.

Anyway, I really don’t feel like going to TS to once again say that I am not a full tithe payer.

I told my husband that I didn’t understand the need to go see the bishop about it at the end of the year anyway. He didn’t comment but was cornered in the hall at church and was basically asked if he was free at a set date and time. My husband said yes, and was then told that that was “our” time for TS.

So…I won’t bring my children into TS with us. They don’t need to hear about our financial woes.

I don’t want to go, but promised to follow my husband in if he felt strongly that we go.

We’ll probably end up going so we don’t make waves.

I’m actually not embarrassed to tell the bishop that once again I failed to write that bi-monthly check for part of the year. But I don’t know why I have to tell him anything at all.

I’m terrible at articulating my thoughts. Any help with what I shall say to bishop would be welcome.

[Anonymous]

QuestionAbound wrote:

I am not a full tithe-payer, but not because I don’t want to.

We had some financial setbacks and my lack of balancing the checkbook didn’t make things easier and tithing was one thing I honestly just “never got around to”

I now have tithing set up on auto pay so that a check is sent to the bishop’s house each month.

I was not a full tithe payer last year either…same reason. Numbers are simply not my thing.

Anyway, I really don’t feel like going to TS to once again say that I am not a full tithe payer.

I told my husband that I didn’t understand the need to go see the bishop about it at the end of the year anyway. He didn’t comment but was cornered in the hall at church and was basically asked if he was free at a set date and time. My husband said yes, and was then told that that was “our” time for TS.

So…I won’t bring my children into TS with us. They don’t need to hear about our financial woes.

I don’t want to go, but promised to follow my husband in if he felt strongly that we go.

We’ll probably end up going so we don’t make waves.

I’m actually not embarrassed to tell the bishop that once again I failed to write that bi-monthly check for part of the year. But I don’t know why I have to tell him anything at all.

I’m terrible at articulating my thoughts. Any help with what I shall say to bishop would be welcome.

I’m sure your relationship with your spouse is different than mine, but mine understands that if I don’t want to go I’m not going and she can go by herself.

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi wrote:

I’m sure your relationship with your spouse is different than mine, but mine understands that if I don’t want to go I’m not going and she can go by herself.

Is that because you are “out in the open” about your questions and concerns with the church?

I had a heart-to-heart with my husband a few months ago…stayed up until the wee hours of the morning. i explained so much of my concerns to him. He just listened and didn’t say much other than…”What changed?”

So…he knows a little of my angst. I COULD say “I’m NOT going. Period.”

But I’m not sure I want to have to explain myself…cause drama…make him/the bishop wonder.”

But then again…maybe I need to be a little stronger in this area and follow my feelings?

Ugh – I’m so indecisive. I always say that it’s a miracle I agreed to marry anyone at all.

[Anonymous]

Only you can decide what the best approach is for you.

I hope this works out as well as possible for you, whatever that means.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Only you can decide what the best approach is for you.

I hope this works out as well as possible for you, whatever that means.

I agree with Ray and only wish to add that this would be a terrible time to share concerns with your bishop.

1) the appointment times are pretty small.

2) sounds like your non-full tithe paying has nothing to do with testimony so why drag that up.

3) even under the best of circumstances, talking to a church leader about these issues can be a crap shoot.

[Anonymous]

Ok, if you feel you have to go, I would accompany hubby. I would say we had some financial set backs but you have set up payments via automatic bill pay that will go to the Bishop’s address (Hopefully he wont’ have a problem with that). Declare that you are not a full-tithe payer or a partial for 2013, but indicate your commitment to pay going forward. This will be taken as a success by the Bishop I think as you are back on track again.

Be ready to assert yourself or stonewall if the Bishop wants to go deeper, and get the heck out of there.

[Anonymous]

What SD said. :thumbup:

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to start a new thread. Felt that I would piggy back off of this one because it talks of being hounded by the Exec. Secretary.

The ES in my ward is the loudest “piccolo” in my ward. He used to have some sort of stake calling and I always had the impression that he was policing SS to make sure that the doctrine was pure. I know that he has offended several individuals and some new members in his zeal.

Quote:

BTW, the membership program is able to print a list of TR holders and when they expire. When I was in the bishopric it was the executive secretary’s responsibility to get the list and give reminder calls.

Last night the Exec. Secretary called me, noted that my TR has been expired for 4 years, and wanted to set up an appointment to meet with the bishop to get on track for renewal. I told him that I don’t know what more can be done. I did meet with the bishop some months back and I felt that the bishop and I understood one another. (The only real impediment is tithing)

He responded that he felt that it was time to meet again and move the process forward.

Does it seem that the ES is taking the initiative on his TR expiration reminder responsibility? I assume that if the bishop had mentioned a desire to speak with me then the ES would have said so in our conversation.

I don’t feel the need to meet with the bishop again and I am particularly uncomfortable dealing with this particular man as a go between.

My current plan is to meet with the bishop and give him the same vaguely hopeful answers as before. I hope that they don’t soon tire of hoping that I meet their definition of progress. I fear that if they completely write me off there might be negative side effects.

Advice is appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I was on that list. I think what you experienced was the result of the uptick to “hasten the work.” Here in the last few months I’ve seen a growing interest in the list of people with expired TRs. The expired TR list has become a part of the HtW initiative.

Roy wrote:

Does it seem that the ES is taking the initiative on his TR expiration reminder responsibility? I assume that if the bishop had mentioned a desire to speak with me then the ES would have said so in our conversation.

I’m fairly positive that direction has come from higher up the chain that part of the HtW effort is to reduce the numbers of people on that list. The number of people on that list is something that can be directly measured and directly pointed to as evidence of progress. I’m sure that it is something that is frequently reported on and no one wants to look bad/be leaned on/disappoint the people they report to if they have to report that there hasn’t been much progress on that front. It goes all the way up the chain and it goes all they way down the chain. To reiterate in unnecessary detail (one of my weaknesses):

The ES reports to the BP, the ES probably feels the pressure to show he’s been doing something to the BP. The BP reports to the SP, the BP wants to be able to report the good news that 10 people are now off of the list. The SP reports to a GA, if the SP clears 40 people off the list for his stake the GA is going to thank him for the efforts, look him dead in the eye, tell him to HtW, and get 120 people off the list between now and the next meeting. The SP comes back to the BP, tells him to HtW, and he should be “doing more.” The BP then unloads on the HPGL, EQP, and ES because his plate is full. The bottom to the top, the top to the bottom. IMO this is the corporate/dirty side of the church, the metrics – where the details obscure what should be the true nature of the work. My rant. Apologies.

The leaders probably view that expired TR list as the best place to start when they go about assigning priorities to their ministry and I don’t think they are incorrect. I’m sure that the majority of people on that list are 1) people that simply forgot their recommend expired. 2) people that truly need ministering to. That’s probably all the groups that leaders in the church believe exists… but I feel like there’s a third (or more) group, people that are completely fine with not holding a TR and may not even desire to hold one. If I had to guess your ES judged you to be in group #2. To him you need ministering to, even if you don’t know it. It probably doesn’t even occur to some people that others may be completely fine with not holding a current TR.

I’ve felt that push to meet with leaders when I didn’t feel like I needed to meet with them so I know where you’re coming from. If you dodge setting an appointment it will leave the ES/BP still wondering how they can help you. Perhaps a quick informal meeting with the BP is in order just to let him know that you’re fine with where you are at. Let him know to call off the dogs

Edit:

I really need to balance the equation here. It’s visits like these http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=5234” class=”bbcode_url”>http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=5234 that I find inspiring and uplifting.

[Author]

Posts