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My husband and I are making some plans for when the time comes that one of us passes on. I told him that I’d rather have the funeral home dress me in a Sunday dress and to put temple clothes next to me in the casket.
The handbook says that this should only be done when culture dictates that the deceased can’t be dressed in temple clothing.
Am I asking for trouble for him if I insist on this request?
For HIM, we decided that *I* would be the one to dress him at least in his underwear. He is the only member in his family and so dressing would otherwise fall to my family or the ward. He wants me to be the one to do it.
Again, are we asking for pushback and trouble from the priesthood leaders?
Honestly, it’s probably going to boil down to leadership roulette. More “controlling” leaders will probably want to stick their noses in more than those that are less inclined to control. The handbook does seem to indicate it’s OK for a spouse to dress their own spouse, and the ward can perform duties if there is no family or family chooses not to. I get the idea of the church wanting to keep temple clothing sort of sacred. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s any of their dang business what someone is buried in or even what happens at the funeral (except perhaps when the funeral is at the church).
I did once assist a family member in dressing his deceased relative (who was also my friend). The family member (brother-in-law, but they were close) actually had a bit if a hard time with it emotionally. I ended up doing most of it, but he did help with lifting/rolling.
My wife and I should discuss this more, we have only had some very basic discussions about final wishes. I am more inclined along your line of thinking – I don’t necessarily want to be buried in temple garb but I hadn’t considered just placing it in the casket. On the other hand, I’ll be dead and funerals are really for the living so why should I care?
Ultimately, it is up to each couple / member. If it comes down to it, and you are passionate about it, you could dress someone ANY way you want and have an open or closed casket.
I’m considering (for myself) to have a viewing for the immediate family that understands what I believe. And a closed casket for the rest of the service.
I find it interesting that we came into this world naked. No garments or temple robes.
Heaven forbid we leave the same way.
It sounds like you’re both trying to plan ahead in a thoughtful way, which is really important. For the Sunday dress request, since the handbook has specific guidelines about temple clothing, it might be worth checking with your church leaders to make sure your request aligns with those rules. They should be able to give you some clarity on that. As for dressing your husband in his underwear, it sounds like a personal decision that makes sense if he’s the only member in his family, and it’s something you both want. It probably won’t cause trouble, but it could still be a good idea to double-check with your leaders just to make sure everyone’s on the same page. For your husband, I think it’s perfectly sweet that you want to dress him. It’s a loving gesture, and I doubt anyone would object. Just be prepared to explain it gently if asked, emphasizing it’s a personal and meaningful choice for both of you.
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