- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I am both pleased and perplexed. My wife went into our Bishop after five long years of no TR by her own choice. I think I influenced the decision, along with some bad ward leadership we had for 3 years. She indicated to the BP she was there for a TR, and as soon as she said it, the Bishop pulled out the TR book and started signing it. She said — aren’t you going to ask me the questions? I thought I’d be under the microscope because I haven’t had one for a while. he said, no, asked her the questions, and gave it to her. A SP counselor interviewed her later that day and she was out the door with one. There was no discussion about tithing either, although she will start paying it now. She said “yes” to the tithing question because I guess she’d made one payment recently I wasn’t aware of.
I don’t like the idea of tithing but it’s her idea and happiness and money not mine. So I am supporting her in it. So that means all the women in our family have one, and I’m the hold out so far.
My wife is an auxiliary leader, so they know her pretty well. The BP didn’t ask about me or anything. I see him as a kind of submissive person — assertive when it inconveniences him to do other wise, but not a really high powered person. His wife lambasted me to the whole ward leadership in a five page nasty letter a few years ago, so perhaps he’s just steering clear.
Anyway, I guess I’m being a good hubby in being supportive of tithing….I am feeling some pressure to try to get a TR so I can be present for my daughter’s wedding, but she doesn’t want me to get one because if my commitment aint for the long term. She said it over and over again….and frankly, I’d be doing the money part begrudginingly, which is a bad sign anyway.
I guess getting a TR is easier for some people than others.
He sounds like the perfect bishop. No pre-judgement, no condemnation. I had an experience over a week ago, when meeting the bishop about the blessing of my baby girl. I, too, don’t hold a temple recommend by choice. I have kept all the commandments (including tithing) required for an honest temple recommend. And the bishop pretty much condemned me for not having one. After an hour long, mostly one-sided discussion, I was finally able to convince him to let me bless my baby girl. But it REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. He’s a very new bishop (ordained a couple of months ago), so I can’t fault him for being a “letter of the law” kind of guy. But I hate facing judgement, when I have committed no crime.
dande48 wrote:
I have keep all the commandments (including tithing) required for an honest temple recommend. And the bishop pretty much condemned me for not having one. After an hour long, mostly one-sided discussion, I was finally able to convince him to let me bless my baby girl.
You spoke to him at length so you probably get his thinking more than most. I can only assume that he is bothered at what he feels to be a choice to snub the blessings of the Lord’s temple. At least my bishop can hold the blessings of the temple as a carrot to perhaps one day motivate me to pay a full and honest tithe. Something that we can work towards and strive for.
Perhaps he simply does not know what to do with you.
Roy wrote:
Perhaps he simply does not know what to do with you.
This is probably it. What do you do with a member who actively attends, keeps the commandments, holds FHE and family scripture study and prayer, and yet believes with all his heart “The Church simply isn’t true”? My experience goes against his faith; his mind can’t wrap around it.
dande48 wrote:
He sounds like the perfect bishop. No pre-judgement, no condemnation.I had an experience over a week ago, when meeting the bishop about the blessing of my baby girl. I, too, don’t hold a temple recommend by choice. I have kept all the commandments (including tithing) required for an honest temple recommend. And the bishop pretty much condemned me for not having one. After an hour long, mostly one-sided discussion, I was finally able to convince him to let me bless my baby girl. But it REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. He’s a very new bishop (ordained a couple of months ago), so I can’t fault him for being a “letter of the law” kind of guy. But I hate facing judgement, when I have committed no crime.
The wording in the handbook is
worthy to hold a TR(see section 20.1.2). I think that’s an important point. Being worthy to hold one and holding one are distinct. The referenced section also specifically addresses leeway leaders have in naming and blessing even if the father is not “fully temple worthy.” To the OP, I have never experienced just skipping the questions altogether. When I was a bishop’s counselor I once interviewed the stake president for his TR because he lived in our ward. He specifically said I should treat him like any other member and ask the questions as I would anyone else. (FWIW he answered only yes or no as appropriate.) I sort of jokingly said as I signed his recommend that he could just sign it twice. He said he actually could, but he preferred to answer the questions so he could reflect on them and he would have his counselor do the other part.
Sometimes I do see the questions as formality or just perfunctory. And sometimes I think we make a bigger deal of them than they are meant to be.
Wow. Interesting. Wow and Hurray for her. Personally and via a ward connection of mine.
I hadn’t had one in ages. I did answer the questions and had to do it with the Bishop since it wasn’t a straight renewal – but I received no lectures or extra nudges. Straight forward. I too just answered yes or no. I knew why I was attending. I felt sure Heavenly Father was supportive. Nothing more than that.
A neighbor of mine rarely attends church. Her husband is post Mo to the extreme. A family member was getting married. My friend hasn’t attended the temple in 10 years. No recommend, etc. The Bishop helped her get one. Ironically it was done quietly on a Sunday, both parts, so as not to upset her husband. I can’t figure how she plans to attend the wedding, but that is her issue.
We need these stories. Thanks for sharing SD.
I think our Bishop is just plain tired and doesn’t like conflict. Part of me is smarting with how the church gets control of our family relationships, often putting their own interests ahead of such relationships. Like backing you into a corner on the civil/temple wedding concept — can’t do it on the same day because it “cheapens the temple ceremony” — when they are cheapening non-member and non-TR holding relationships. But my feelings on that are old news. Part of me is just glad the Bishop allowed my wife to have one with no questions asked so at least she can be there in the temple if the marriage happens.
SilentDawning wrote:
Like backing you into a corner on the civil/temple wedding concept — can’t do it on the same day because it “cheapens the temple ceremony” —
I believe there is something to be said for making something more desirable by making it more exclusive. I do not know if JS did it on purpose but I observe that throughout his ministry he seemed to create inner circles within inner circles.
Neither of my parents were living the Word of Wisdom when I got married in the temple, although they’d been sealed in the temple themselves and were still active in the Church. I honestly can’t imagine either of them lying to the bishop or stake president (who was also in our ward), but I do know they were able to attend my temple wedding. I guess some bishops are just less letter-of-the-law than others. Katzpur wrote:
Neither of my parents were living the Word of Wisdom when I got married in the temple, although they’d been sealed in the temple themselves and were still active in the Church. I honestly can’t imagine either of them lying to the bishop or stake president (who was also in our ward), but I do know they were able to attend my temple wedding. I guess some bishops are just less letter-of-the-law than others.
Some Bishops will let you get the TR if you make a commitment to live the commandment you’re not living. I also was asked to get a TR so I could be called into the Bpric at one time. I started paying…at the end of the year, the BP asked me if my amount represented 10%. I said “from the time I started paying it in the year it does”. He asked me the question again, as if he wasn’t satisfied with the answer, and I just repeated myself. He looked uncomfortable and then the tithing settlement interview was over.
One WML on my mission told me he had his last cigarette on his way to his baptism. And then he quit for the long term.
So, again, leadership roulette.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.