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A bit of recent history here. I remember the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping some years ago… reading this makes me realize she is a very astute woman.
Quote:A question I’m always asked when I speak is, “have you forgiven your captors?” Yes. But when I say yes, I don’t mean I think their actions are acceptable. For example I will never be ok with rape, abuse, or kidnapping. But to me forgiveness is another word for self love, and perhaps the greatest form of self love. And I forgive my captors because I love myself enough to want happiness, joy, and freedom. And holding onto the negativity, pain, and suffering from my past doesn’t allow me to embrace and live my life fully now. It didn’t happen overnight, and my family and God we’re absolutely instrumental in coming to this place. But I believe everyone should have a chance at happiness and I refuse to let mine pass me by.
I really like and respect her. When visiting in Utah I actually saw her in her home ward and I held back to not be a “fan” and approach her. She does a lot of good within the church to help stop things like chastity lessons of the chewed gum/nail in the board/licked cupcake. Back at BYU, I used to walk by her office every day to get to my locker. I have so much respect for her. She took an absolutely horrific experience, and turned it into something absolutely incredible and inspiring. She went through the worst, and yet… the world is a much better place for it. It’s funny in a way, isn’t it? Life is truly what you make it. Powerful thought that forgiveness of others is an act of self-love. Never thought of that. It’s a higher form of self-love than the self-love based on self-importance or offence at being treated a certain way. That too is self-love, but it can inspire bitterness rather than inner peace. Powerful thought from Elizabeth Smart!
I love this. Thanks for sharing it.
I really love the way she has couched this. She also makes it plain that while she forgives them she can never condone the actual behavior… and that she is entitled to happiness in her life… that’s a very nuanced and mature approach. I don’t doubt her experience was both terrifying and stomach churning, and she is probably still hurt by it, but I admire how she has tried to move past it.
LookingHard wrote:
I really like and respect her. When visiting in Utah I actually saw her in her home ward and I held back to not be a “fan” and approach her. She does a lot of good within the church to help stop things like chastity lessons of the chewed gum/nail in the board/licked cupcake.
Yes, well as we know, that is not a nice image. It is hurtful to closet victims of rape and abuse (and they are out there), and those who have slipped up… not to mention widows and divorced. I think that her comments about her personal happiness are a positive influenced from LDS theology that we are all entitled to individual happiness though obvious not at the expense of others.
Thanks Sam. I agree with Silent Dawning – a very new and wonderful way to look at Self-Love.
I have long believed that her entire experience was God driven. I know that sounds horrible, but I remember sensing from day 1 that this story/experience was more than the just horror. We actually have Smart’s in our family. For a moment we panicked and thought it was one of their girls.
On the day she was found, I remember praying a massive prayer of gratitude in my laundry room. (That’s where I heard the news). I remember feeling that all the eternal cogs locked into place. I felt liberated by her freedom. At the same time another LDS family was discovering the remains of their daughter, who too was kidnapped while washing her car. I still don’t have answers for the paradox.
I am so glad Elizabeth is using her horror to teach us. That’s a heavy burden. She is under no obligation. So generous.
For the record, I have had to face some things from my childhood. I never had the torment which she did, or sexual abuse but I was seriously injured by adults on more than one occasion before the age of 12. We’re talking about broken bones, blood and being concussed at lesst twice, along witb beatings. I was bullied by older boys too, and yes I think I myself became a bit of a bully in that toxic environment. I still feel very angry about it, and I believe it has influenced me for the worse.
But reading her comments is inspiring to me – I wish I could have her sunny outlook.
Quote:
But reading her comments is inspiring to me – I wish I could have her sunny outlook.The well of her soul is incredibly deep. That is part of where I find a God-given-ness in the experience. She even had composure beyond her Mom. None of us can be her. But the inspiration can happily effect us all.
If we each apply it the world may be a more beautiful place.
Sam, fwiw, it is people who have experiences like yours and remain good people whom I admire the most. Truly, I stand all amazed. Don’t sell yourself short. You are a noble and great one in the very best sense of those words. I was thinking more about this case. I don’t think it is something which was destined to happen to her, because it was the free agency of her captors that caused it but more a case of alchemy – i.e. turning poisonous lead into gold. Maybe we all need to learn how to transform our bad experiences into “gold”. It brings me back to “Adam fell that men might be” – turning horror into beauty.
Quote:Adam fell that men might be; and men are,
that they might have joy. And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil;
to act for themselvesand not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given. Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to
the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.
I take out of this that:
1 – A bad act can be redeemed and turned into something positive, whether it is our own or someone else’s.
2 – That we are responsible for our own free agency. What others do to us is not necessarily our fault.
3 – Evil seeks to make us miserable, because as the old saying goes “misery loves company”. Though evil acts upon us, it mustn’t be allowed to bully us onto its side.
SamBee wrote:I don’t think it is something which was destined to happen to her,
I totally reject any story or thought that would suggest such horror was supposed to happen to teach people lessons. What a horrible way to learn things in this mortal life!!!
I think, as you said, we can turn bad things into good things. Or we can’t. Some things are simply out of our control.
Things happen in this life. Random things.
The God of the universe allows it. Many many families suffer from having children taken, and never returned, no matter how hard they pray.
But…this life gives us opportunities to be resilient and choose each day who we will serve, what we make of today and going forward with the circumstances we find ourselves in. There is not always a sufficient answer to “why this happened?”…simply a choice to deal with the day today we have control of to make choices we find ourselves.
Quote:Matt 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow[or yesterday]: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
I think part of forgiveness is embracing the truth that some things are not within our control. Let go of it. And move forward. Stay present.
Believing bad things happen for a divinely-inspired reason is a privilege of people who don’t face devastating and unbearable lives. (Specific events? Yes. Lives? No.) In practical terms, that view minimizes the pain of those who suffer the most, by imagining such suffering ultimately is good for them. Someone who is tortured over a long time and then killed generally doesn’t learn or grow from the experience. Someone whose child is slaughtered in front of them generally doesn’t learn or grow from the experience in a positive way, but, instead, if fortunate, spends a long time just trying to return to their former state. Someone who starves to death knowing her children are next doesn’t learn or grow from the experience. Yes, my own trials might have made me stronger and helped me in real ways – but I have lived a horrendous-pain free life. Pretending my growth can or should apply to everyone is wrong.
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