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Thanks, Shawn. I know what you mean.
For a while, I was addicted to online stuff – mostly forums, facebook etc.
It got to me, so I realized I really have to limit my time online.
I feel a little like I’m breaking in a horse that’s never been ridden – still figuring out how to balance everything as I hang on for dear life.
🙂 There’s so much I need & want to get done…
And as much as I love interacting online, it takes a lot of precious time away from other things.
Still, I can’t just completely do without it – because I need to socialize with people besides those around me (who are mostly TBM).
It’s a refreshing outlook – to meet people from different parts of the world.
Not sure if I have much of value to add here is my input…take it or leave it. One: I think I understand a little how you feel. Sometimes I wonder if I am pretending…I have even wondered…egad…knowing what I know now…would I have married when I did, had kids when I did, etc? Bottom line…probably not. But down that road lies perdition…because to be honest..I would have acted differently with different knowledge….but that is not the same as being sorry I have the family I have now. I wold love to go back and kick myself in the butt over many things…but I have a pretty darn good life, at least when I bother to notice teh good stuff.
two: Church. Keep it in its place. I heard Boyd K Packer say (in person) “The church will survive with dysfunctional wards, the church will survive with dysfunctional stakes…it will not survive with dysfunctional families”. His intent was…have your priorities…and rarely should your calling or the church take precedence over family. I would also add “and a family won’t survive with a dysfunctional parent”. That means YOU matter. Make sure you keep your identity. This is often hard in the church where women are frequently pressured to be “subservient” and “selfless” and they get glared at and put down often by other women for not towing the all important line of righteous servitude. Well…its a load of crap…its pride plain and simple…don’t play with those kids. You have a lot to offer and God can’t truly use you to your fullest until you let go of the trappings of peer pressure.
three: Its OK to say No. My wife, who is the ultimate TBM….her “shelf” is made of titanium reinforced concrete..
“shes a brick..house!” , went through a serious near breakdown laboring under the mormon load…and once her LDS therapist, her bishop, and her husband all told her it was ok to say no…she was able to start getting it together.four: Taking a break – Be careful…I would not stop going to church…at least sundays…there are a lot of good things there, use those, teach those. The bad stuff? Help your kids put those things in perspective…Once you quit going to church it can be hard to go back, mostly because of the member reactions when you return “So good to see you! Where ya been!?” “Well hello stranger!”, they are not bad, I mean everyone is uncomfortable in that situation but as the one coming back it can be hard to get through.
Five: Tread softly with your spouse. My wife iss very nervous with this whole thing. I liken their view to being like you bought a
with all the options you wanted and everything has been great…..then one day you go outside to find your vehicle stolen…and the replacement looks mostly the same but has a few dings and no cool stero or air conditioning….in their mind we questioning spouses “aren’t what they bought”. We are going through something that is putting our spouses through something…this causes stress. My wife and I are dancing around it a bit. We are great in many ways but our faith is different…we just need to keep that one thing in perspective with all the areas where we align. Six: Watch your health. back to the SAD thread…take multi-vitamins and D3, get excercise, and if you have a type of service you can enjoy, do it, it helps. I spent a lot of time thinking while putting up sheetrock at a friends house…I felt better for helping and the mindless labor freed me up.. Mourning easily leads to depression which leads to mis-perceptions in life…before you do anything drastic make sure you are not suffering from “Post Faith Trauma disorder”
Sorry for the ramble, reading your post made my heart ache for you so just trying to help.
johnh
Quote:It got to me, so I realized I really have to limit my time online.
I can speak to this. I was also checking a number of online forums daily including news websites, etc. I’ve since pulled back a bit. I stopped checking some forums (they were just too depressing ultimately) and websites that seemed to bring me down. Again, no reflection on this community but I don’t check it as often either. For someone like me, the cacophony of information just gets overwhelming at times and I need time to digest and reflect. Silence really is golden because it is becoming rarer and rarer in our society.
Thanks for your comments. 🙂 John,
A lot of good ideas.
I especially appreciated what you mentioned about peer pressure.
I think I’m well on my way to healing – to not being so obsessed with what others think…
Yet, I know there is so much more healing to be done – in balancing boundaries with healthy vulnerability.
Oh… and about exercising & physically working – it is definitely important – an essential aspect in overcoming depression!
I’ve realized, I need to work out everyday & twice a day on some days… except Sundays.
Gerald,
I wonder if the reason we fill our time with so much (often unnecessary) busy-ness, is many of us are running from our selves.
Often silence is golden… but after a while, it can be a way of whatever things we’ve pushed under the emotional rug, to come out.
A rabbi & therapist was explaining, if you can
comfortablybe still with yourself, & do absolutely nothing for at least 15 minutes, you probably have a decent self-esteem. At times, when I’ve gone to a yoga class, & we’ve meditated for a long time, tears have flowed.
No doubt, times of silence (both external & internal) are necessary for emotional & spiritual well-being.
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