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I wanted to share an experience that some of you may find interesting. This post might fit in another thread having to do with the hot topic of middle way Mormonism, but I wanted to share this separately. Recently I organized, conducted, and facilitated a ward level fireside focused on clips from Elder Cook’s Q&A with the two church historians. I invited the youth and insisted that if the youth came that a parent was to attend. We announced the fireside a good month in advance and I even invited the stake (the stake YW president attended and the stake Primary president attended). The stated purpose of the fireside was that parents should allow children to ask difficult questions and that it’s ok to discuss topics like polygamy, seer stones, and other uncomfortable topics and have open and honest discussions as parents and youth. I said it’s sort of like the sex talk – it should be done with parents (not the internet or playground) and can be uncomfortable and we don’t have to know all the answers. We watched excerpts from Elder Cook and the historians and then discussed. I made sure it was an open forum, that all viewpoints were heard, and that I wasn’t the last to speak.
The fireside was extremely successful in my opinion. The parents were riveted and participated a great deal. Even people that I had thought were super TBM and orthodox made unexpected comments. One staunchly orthodox mother said along the lines of “we can’t take everything prophets say at face value and have to adapt them for ourselves.” One stake leader said “we have to doubt our doubts” but then another stake leader interrupted and said “yes, but what he’s saying is that it’s ok to have doubts and we must discuss them with our kids and not hide them.” Another parent (who isn’t from the US) said “church history is a lot like US history – we have to remember that the official version as taught in church / school is whitewashed and sanitized.” One youth leader asked “how do you keep coming to church if you don’t really believe much of it is literally true?” I slipped in a comment that we have to accept truth no matter the source and stated that for example evolution is an incontestable scientific fact in my view – when our kid comes home from biology class we can’t simply say church teachings trump science. I had many parents come up to me after the fireside and said the discussion was amazing and they’d never had anything like it.
A few notes that I believe are vital for a discussion like this. I’m not necessarily suggested that others organize a similar fireside because circumstances have to be perfectly aligned.
• Transparency was the topic, not doctrine itself.
• The bishopric has to be all in and understand how the discussion will go.
• There has to be an air of total transparency, not hiding anything from leaders or parents.
• Stake leadership and stake auxiliaries knew we were doing this.
• Parents knew beforehand it would be a sensitive and difficult topic for some.
• I’m known in the stake and ward as being unorthodox, but I’ve been around long enough and held enough callings to have leeway. I’m careful in what I say and how I say it.
Some of my conclusions and observations:
• My ward leans conservative / orthodox but generally we are a well-to-do and educated ward.
• About 25 youth attended and about that many parents and leaders.
• About 5 or 6 parents were visibly uncomfortable with the topic, but most actively participated and agreed with the premise that difficult topics should be discussed with teenagers and doubts allowed.
• One stake leader tried to “tone it down” halfway through but another stake leader basically insisted the conversation continue as planned.
Based on comments, and on one’s definition of “middle way” I’d say at least 50% perhaps 70% of parents were open minded and perhaps middle wayers, at least for those 90 minutes.
Wow – that is awesome! Thank you for sharing this. Sincerely, it validates our work here and what we keep saying: We are not as alone in the Church as we often think we are.
Roadrunner – That is so wonderful. This sounds wonderful! The last few years on ward conference we have had High Counselors speak to us on the essays. The frustrating part for me is that it seems very apologetic. Bring up the issues at a surface level but then defend them with straw man arguments. What I would love is an acknowledgement that some of this stuff can reasonably challenge an individual’s faith without that individual being deficient in some way.
There probably needs to be more of these, and they should have happened years ago. Well done RR, you got the ball rolling.
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