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This is a general question, not a judgement of anyone. The past six years in our home the faith crisis events have taken over our lives. First the shock that what you thought you knew – may not be what you think you know. Then the avalanche of discovery on topics you hadn’t even thought about (for each person this is different – ploygamy didn’t upend me but it does others, etc.) Then because you were broadsided with all of this you crumble, wallow, get lost, get angry etc. It’s a wretched grief that doesn’t instantly go away. Pretty soon you realize how many years have gone by, how much time you gave to the process – My question is “Does a Faith Crisis make people myopic?”
For me it did. It encompassed every minute of every day. I am not sure I am pleased with this discovery. I only get one life and for me I retreated from living because I was afraid. All my certainty was shaken. I quit giving to others. I listened and engaged only in conversations that interested me. I was anxious to give my answer, my response, my interpretation.
A decade or more ago I bought Tuesdays with Morrie. I loved it’s message. I dragged it out a few months ago – if his spiritual premise is right, I have been wasting mountains of time and missing out on the best of life – all for the pursuit of certainty.
I am glad for my faith crisis. I don’t see it as a waste. The light that burns in me, however big or small, is really mine now. I’ve searched, read, debated, rejected and settled on principles that resonate with my soul. It is a living testimony. I am glad for the treasure it brought. But I wonder is there a way to go through the crisis and not lose the other important connection that is vital – living. What do you think?
Faith/faith crisis/religious study and philosophy CONSUMED my life for about three solid years…2009-2012. Not so much the last year…I had to leave it behind to heal and for emotional and spiritual survival.
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mom3 wrote:…I wonder is there a way to go through the crisis and not lose the other important connection that is vital – living. What do you think?
That is a very good question, and one that is worth careful reflection. To me it becomes a form of mourning (the loss of expectations & ideal worldview etc.), and everyone ultimately will mourn in their own way. Difficult times are obviously a part of any life, and learning to deal with them is a key purpose of life as I see it.
Orson wrote:mom3 wrote:I am glad for my faith crisis. I don’t see it as a waste. The light that burns in me, however big or small, is really mine now. I’ve searched, read, debated, rejected and settled on principles that resonate with my soul. It is a living testimony. I am glad for the treasure it brought. But I wonder is there a way to go through the crisis and not lose the other important connection that is vital – living. What do you think?
That is a very good question, and one that is worth careful reflection. To me it becomes a form of mourning (the loss of expectations & ideal worldview etc.), and everyone ultimately will mourn in their own way. Difficult times are obviously a part of any life, and learning to deal with them is a key purpose of life as I see it.
**Like** on both of the qoutes above. I had the same impression of “a form of mourning.” I do believe that there are positive steps and choices to be made in the mourning process. Hopefully, the faith crisis/mourning process will bring the individual to the point where they are capable of living life more fully.
My faith crisis is relatively new, just five months, but it does often feel like it consumes my life. I’ve been searching and reading and pondering everything I can get my hands on and my emotions have been all over the map. When I see my husband at the end of the day I have to fight the desire to unload on him all of the things that I’ve learned, especially those that are particularly troubling. On the other hand, I’m also starting to see the world with new eyes and better appreciate what I have. I feel like I’m actually using the intellect that God gave me to sort through things and to enhance my individual spiritual development rather than simply relying on whatever is being spewed from the pulpit on Sunday. In that sense, I feel that I am living more than I was before. I also have a new appreciation for my relationship with my husband and my children and realizing that I have the freedom and power to help my children understand that not everything taught at church may be right.
I hope I can continue to balance things out and that the period of intense information overload is behind me.
MayB
Quote:“Does a Faith Crisis make people myopic?”
It can – to a large degree dependent on the individual personality involved (and that personality issue can be the difference between a full-fledged crisis and a discovery). Those who are prone to obsess naturally have a harder time with this sort of issue.
mom3 wrote:This is a general question, not a judgement of anyone. The past six years in our home the faith crisis events have taken over our lives. First the shock that what you thought you knew – may not be what you think you know. Then the avalanche of discovery on topics you hadn’t even thought about (for each person this is different – ploygamy didn’t upend me but it does others, etc.) Then because you were broadsided with all of this you crumble, wallow, get lost, get angry etc. It’s a wretched grief that doesn’t instantly go away. Pretty soon you realize how many years have gone by, how much time you gave to the process –
My question is “Does a Faith Crisis make people myopic?”
For me it did. It encompassed every minute of every day. I am not sure I am pleased with this discovery. I only get one life and for me I retreated from living because I was afraid. All my certainty was shaken. I quit giving to others. I listened and engaged only in conversations that interested me. I was anxious to give my answer, my response, my interpretation.
A decade or more ago I bought Tuesdays with Morrie. I loved it’s message. I dragged it out a few months ago – if his spiritual premise is right, I have been wasting mountains of time and missing out on the best of life – all for the pursuit of certainty.
I am glad for my faith crisis. I don’t see it as a waste. The light that burns in me, however big or small, is really mine now. I’ve searched, read, debated, rejected and settled on principles that resonate with my soul. It is a living testimony. I am glad for the treasure it brought. But I wonder is there a way to go through the crisis and not lose the other important connection that is vital – living. What do you think?
I totally resonate with what you’re saying, and it’s mostly my experience too. Even the 6 yr. mark and my obsession with knowing if it’s true. I haven’t read Tuesdays With Morrie but my MIL did and loved it, she’s a total TBM. I do believe that to lose your testimony is maybe a way to find one either better or more authentic. I’m still trudging along in my pursuit. It is a time waster, and I don’t see that I’m any better for all of it. I even see that I’ve changed so much I don’t recognise my former self so I need to come up with a new me to replace it. But it’s difficult when someone has been living their life according to a certain style and then to have it all come to an abrupt halt and then have your eyes opened, it’s very difficult. Some people like us usually quit the church by now. But why do we keep at it? I even let my relationship with my kids go by the wayside all in an effort to know what’s true. Why did I let my religion consume me? Or the finding out consume me? Of course you did state that now you don’t think it a waste, hopefully I’ll be able to say the same one day. I wonder how many of us are out there and doing the same thing. Are we all too worried about how we’re going to be treated if we’re honest? Wouldn’t it be a grand world to just be ourselves and come what may? I love the church mostly for the good morals etc. and the people are wonderful, but there is a line that needs to drawn, the one that says it should be this way or the highway. I wish everyone could live more authentically. They wouldn’t even need a board like this to vent on. I think I need to buy that book Tuesdays with Morrie, maybe it’ll help me too.
MayB wrote:My faith crisis is relatively new, just five months, but it does often feel like it consumes my life. I’ve been searching and reading and pondering everything I can get my hands on and my emotions have been all over the map. When I see my husband at the end of the day I have to fight the desire to unload on him all of the things that I’ve learned, especially those that are particularly troubling.
On the other hand, I’m also starting to see the world with new eyes and better appreciate what I have. I feel like I’m actually using the intellect that God gave me to sort through things and to enhance my individual spiritual development rather than simply relying on whatever is being spewed from the pulpit on Sunday. In that sense, I feel that I am living more than I was before. I also have a new appreciation for my relationship with my husband and my children and realizing that I have the freedom and power to help my children understand that not everything taught at church may be right.
I hope I can continue to balance things out and that the period of intense information overload is behind me.
MayB
That was me at the beginning, unloading things on my husband and trying to get answers, thereby bringing up stuff he had no clue of…I still feel a little guilty for starting us both out on this painful road, but hopefully it’ll make us both better people. I know some of my former relationships with people that aren’t active are much better. I now feel more open to them, then before, before I’d feel like there was something blocking it, maybe it was my sense that they might feel I’m different then them, or even that they think I’m better have more truth than them. Well, we LDS do preach that we have the truth don’t we? So that shackle fell off as soon as my eyes were opened. It is a breath of fresh air to feel like I’m one of everyone else, instead of a select group. I doubt anyone else put themselves in a bubble like that and isolated themselves, I’m kind of strange. I didn’t do it because I thought I was better, I did it because I thought they thought I thought I was better, crazy I know. Sorry for the ramble. I actually rambled on your Introductions post but then lost it on my computer! Maybe that was a good thing.I would like to use another term instead of “faith crisis” it makes it sound like it is a bad thing. I do not see it as a crisis if you are moving from one level of understanding to a different and better one. Maybe something like knowledge journey. Sounds more like what I have been on. I am not or ever have been in a crisis over faith. I like what Steven Mansfield, author of the book “Healing Church Hurt” wrote. He said the objective of our lives is to do good to others. So, if your faith crisis (or hurt, if it exists) is interfering with doing good, focus on doing good — anywhere. It’s amazing how being involved in serving other people — in any context, whether church or not — absorbs your mind and keeps you occupied. If the service is outside the church, you still feel you are serving mankind, that the doctrinal issues are not as important, etcetera. That has been my experience lately. I only confront the doctrinal issues on Sundays and even then, try not to let them bother me. I see many ideas as cultural values leaders have perpetuated to gain obedience from members. In the absence of angels, visions, or other manifestations, I will probably never know in this life the detailed truths of our religion. Death may provide new information, but I have a hunch it will only provide limited information, and drag out the uncertainty for another phase until eventually, there IS a terminal point when all is known. I believe that will be a long-time coming, so I’m not going to worry about it right now.
Cadence wrote:I would like to use another term instead of “faith crisis” it makes it sound like it is a bad thing. I do not see it as a crisis if you are moving from one level of understanding to a different and better one. Maybe something like knowledge journey. Sounds more like what I have been on. I am not or ever have been in a crisis over faith.
On another site someone used the term faith transition. I like that better than crisis.
I have often used faith transition in place of crisis. I agree that it sounds less panicky and frantic. For me though I do find the two terms really define two separate processes. Faith transitions to me, imply a gentler, eye opening, experience. Faith crisis is the turmoil, upended event that catches most of us (I include NOM, faceseast, BCC, Sunstone, etc.) In a transition the sand doesn’t fall out of your bucket, you tip it out, you reshape it, you manage it. In a crisis, someone kicked it over, stepped on the castle, stole it.
When I am going through the crisis mode – I feel that I become very anxiously centered on the crisis – the bucket I worry, I emote, I spend hours on the internet, I ignore my family and am at war with the world.
When I am in transition – I think about what’s bothering me but it doesn’t take over my day. I guess that was why I chose “crisis” for this post. But either word works.
Wow, now I feel really lucky that for me its only been about a year that my faith transition/crisis/whatever ( 🙂 ) has been going on, and is starting to calm down. I think this site and others like it really helped that happen quicker than it would have otherwise. To get so many different perspectives at once of how to deal with the experience has been great. There are a lot of ways to approach it, and like others have said, it probably has a lot to do with your personality as to how long and what direction your experience will take you. For anyone it seems it would be very shocking to start to learn things that change the way you view the church, so with such a shock I don’t see how anyone could not have it consume their attention at least for some period. I’m glad for me it hasn’t been too long, but again, I credit that to you guys who have helped make it easier.
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