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Your last sentence is what’s helped me the most. I’m 25, but keeping myself involved and active in the things I love doing keep me sane and help me remember the purposes I have in life- being happy. Religion didn’t consume me before- so when I began to doubt why did it consume me then? Just food for thought. Hi slowlylosingit! Welcome to the forum. You’ve received good words of advice and you’re in a good place.
One of my favorite quotes early on came from
Wendy Ulrich
Quote:If our religion is something objective, then we must never avert our eyes from those elements in it which seem puzzling or repellant; for it will be precisely the puzzling or the repellant which conceals what we do not yet know and need to know … the truth we need most is hidden precisely in the doctrines you least like and least understand. – CS Lewis
I know you feel fear, as your foundation has been shaken and you didn’t think that could happen. But it has, and I promise you’ll get through it. How you get through it is part of your journey, and I truly feel God wants us to go on these journeys, it is part of our experience, it broadens our minds, helps us understand others more, helps us be more aware of our world and progress.
The things in that CES letter that bother you most are the things you really need to study and understand. Take a deep breath and keep both hands inside the ride at all times!
We’re here to be support for you! Glad you joined us. Hope you enjoy your movie with your kids.
:thumbup: Quote:I am terrified of the consequences that I might face if I can’t believe again.
The consequences are ..You keep your spiritual relationship with God. You keep your family. You keep your marriage. You may or may not keep your religion.
I think God wants us to live lives of honesty and integrity. Start trying to figure out what that is for you.
Pray. Meditate. Follow his promptings. That may include continued activity in the church .. Or not.
Slow down. Breath. Nothing needs to be done quickly.
So many people feel that if they do not believe, they will lose their salvation and eternal family. Such a HUGE threat.
I like to think God is a little bigger than that. He is bigger than a church that consists of 0.0032% of the world’s population.
Allow God to guide you.
Hi Slowlylosingit, Quote:I am terribly sad and feel like my whole world has been ripped apart.
There is a concept called an assumptive world collapse. Many have assumptions about how the world works. Many of these assumptions include elements of “work hard and get ahead” or “good things happen to good people/God blesses the obedient”. LDS teachings certainly seem to reinforce these assumptions. While being “good,” obedient, and a hard worker certainly can’t hurt – they are no certain recipe for success. The fact that your assumptive world was so tied up with Mormonism is direcly correlated to how seriously you took your religion.
I share this with you to help you understand how normal this is. It is not exclusive to Mormonism or even to religion. Everyone lives with assumptions.
This is where I was when our third child was stillborn 5 years ago. I was serving as WML and DW as PP. Why would God not give us as his faithful servants a heads up to save our daughter’s life? My questions related to this led to my digging into church doctrine for answers… and opened up another can of worms.
Rebuilding and reconstruction is normal after an assumptive world collapse and/or faith crisis and will take time.
slowlylosingit wrote:My DH struggled with these things years ago and has come through to the other side and is very faithful. His brother left the church because of all of this about 10 years ago and after 7 years came back to full activity and faithful again. I want to be like them. I want to be able to see through all of this and be okay with it. I am losing my way and I am losing my hope. I feel lost and alone. How can the Lord help them through this and I feel like I am being left behind? I don’t know how to find my faith again.
One of the things that was fascinating for me is to observe how different people deal with tragedy in their life. Some respond by holding ever tighter to the church teachings – others have these things called into question. Some of those that question do so for only a period before finding new answers that satisfy them (perhaps returning largely to their previous faith, perhaps crafting a new one, perhaps some combination of the two). Others learn to become more comfortable living life without definite answers to some of the big questions.
I wonder what combination of personal attributes and outside circumstances push people in these diverse directions. I am certain that it is significantly not by choice or personal will.
I recommend that as you go through this journey you rebuild a faith structure that feels right to you. You might think of this structure as a home for your spirit – your own inner temple. How will you construct it? What materials will you use? How will you adorn it? This may be your opportunity to personalize and “own” your inner vessel.
As for me – I still believe in God, Jesus, and the atonement. These doctrines fill my soul with joy. I also believe in eternal families and that we will be reunited with our lost little one at some future date. I believe in love and forgiveness, patience and acceptance for shortcomings, building people up rather than tearing them down. I also believe many more things. You might say that I follow the admonition of Paul in that I seek after things that are good and beneficial to my own journey and the wellbeing of those around me. I do not know many of these things to be true but they are so beautiful that I hope for them to be so and I will live my life benefiting from the fruit of that hope.
It is natural to be freaking out right now. This is part of life. This is a safe place for you.
Many of us know the pain you are going through, and how fortunate that your DH has gone through it. I know it’s been said, but I’ll reiterate to take it slow, when your DH went through it he probably felt like he was never going to be the same and feels what you feel now. Remember it’s a process and asking him to look back will help to navigate through it. It’s a faith evolution after all. Welcome to the site, explore and get what you need.
Hi Slowlylosingit, Welcome to the forum and you have come to the right place to find support as work through things that are impacting your faith. As is typical, I’m kind of late chiming in here and you have already gotten the meat of the advice from many of the crew that call this forum a second home. The biggie for me was simply taking it slow and looking at things from a lot of angles. Also, some people rush right out and post on Facebook and talk to their bishop – not a good idea in my opinion. Play it close to the vest and use this forum for your thoughts. Also, it sounds like there are a few close to you to talk to who have been through this – definitely a plus to have that resource and hopefully you can use it to your advantage.
I am sorry you are having so much anguish with all of this right now – unquestionably, that is difficult to deal with. Hope you can find comfort as time presses forward and you can sort it out for you.
Know that the CES letter is probably one of the heavier cast iron anvils that fall out of the sky – I know it was for me the first time I read it. But the more I thought about it and read other things, the more it became something that was just picking at everything about the church (I also listened to the interview with Jeremy Runnells that John Dehlin did with him on MormonStories and felt the same way). That is not to say at any level that the letter does not make valid points – it does. It was just a bit heavy for me when I could see so many people at church doing nice things for others. It kind of made me see that not everything the church does is bad.
I have now landed in a place where I enjoy church and can separate the gospel from the church. I don’t agree with everything that is said, obviously, but I still love the folks that are there and hopefully if I am commenting from the heart in classes and such, I am helping others broaden their views. I think the black and white position the church is known for and supports (i.e. it’s all true or it’s the biggest sham ever) is damaging.
Good luck and God bless!
I also read the letter to a CES director and was had my faith challenged. Prior to that I was blown away when I read about Brigham young and the violence in the early Utah church. I think that you can come out of these experiences with your faith intact but it will probably be changed. You will probably have to find a new way to believe. I certainly did. I am much less of a literal believer and more independent and thoughtful. I admit that I grieve over the innocent and undoubting faith I used to have. But here I am with what I think is probably a more mature faith and still an active member who gets all of the benefits of full participation in the church even though I see that Mormonism rests on a broken history. I have come to celebrate our brokenness because that can be holy too. We’re all just trying to find god in this messy world. Mormonism is still the path I chose to do so. KeitherB said: Quote:I am much less of a literal believer and more independent and thoughtful. I admit that I grieve over the innocent and undoubting faith I used to have. But here I am with what I think is probably a more mature faith and still an active member who gets all of the benefits of full participation in the church even though I see that Mormonism rests on a broken history. I have come to celebrate our brokenness because that can be holy too. We’re all just trying to find god in this messy world. Mormonism is still the path I chose to do so.
Hear, hear! Very well said
:clap: KeitherB wrote:I also read the letter to a CES director and was had my faith challenged. Prior to that I was blown away when I read about Brigham young and the violence in the early Utah church. I think that you can come out of these experiences with your faith intact but it will probably be changed. You will probably have to find a new way to believe. I certainly did. I am much less of a literal believer and more independent and thoughtful. I admit that I grieve over the innocent and undoubting faith I used to have. But here I am with what I think is probably a more mature faith and still an active member who gets all of the benefits of full participation in the church even though I see that Mormonism rests on a broken history. I have come to celebrate our brokenness because that can be holy too. We’re all just trying to find god in this messy world. Mormonism is still the path I chose to do so.
There were many things for me: CES letter, disagreements among church leaders (if they are inspired how can they be so disagreeing?), the judgmental outcomes of some of our theology, some hard-nosed leaders, and especially leader worship and “leaders are never wrong”/don’t ever say anything bad about a leader or you are on your way to hell.But I would change the last sentence as “Mormonism is still the path I choose to help me, but I feel it is more important for me to work on my relationship with God directly than my specific standing with the church.”
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