Falling Apart

[Anonymous]

Shawn wrote:

Temples

I just don’t like temples. It’s all weird to me. It sucks that those married civilly have to wait to be sealed. I don’t like wearing garments.

The church was once sure about black people being the seed of Cain and not being able to hold the priesthood. Those teachings have been condemned and/or disavowed. They were once sure the pattern for garments came directly from God and must not change. Now I wonder if the whole idea of garments are inspired at all.

Sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. One of life’s simple and, in my mind, God-approved pleasures is feeling masculine/feminine, clean and comfortable. I don’t hate them anymore, but I think it’s because I don’t wear them all the time. I’m not disdainful of them. Part of me loves them, but I’ve learned to draw boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I really appreciate the support from all of you.

Ray, you are right about the cycles I go through. I am going to relax for a while and focus on other things. Maybe I’ll finally finish reading Great Expectations.

[Anonymous]

Shawn wrote:

I’m falling apart.

…

The Big Test of Faith

There’s so much more to be concerned about. It shouldn’t be this hard to believe in God and the restoration. Believing without seeing is not enough – one has to believe despite a lot of contrary evidence. Why would God do it like this?

Hey, Shawn, your post has brought me out of the woodwork, because I want to acknowledge your struggles and pass along some thoughts that have helped me. First, I completely agree with your last statement that it is hard to imagine a God that would require believing in such difficult things. It’s one of the reasons why I ultimately lost my faith in the institution.

But one thing that I think I have come to understand about myself and my relationship with spirituality is that, for me, I no longer have to believe something in order to believe IN it. In LDS culture, in LDS doctrine, in Christian doctrine, in general religious terms, belief is the linchpin that holds everything together. Without belief, we are told, we are outsiders. I’ve come to a position in my life where I no longer accept that. Devotion, rather than belief, is the critical element that defines followers of ‘God’. By that, I mean that if I someday find myself beaten down on the road to Jericho and I see an outreaching hand to lift me up and carry my burdens, I won’t be asking if the person is a believer. It will be enough for me that he/she is a follower of Jesus’ teachings.

This has set me free to a larger degree than I ever thought possible. I get to pick out the good and I simply ignore the other stuff.

For example. Was Paul a sexist? Yes… as were most all Roman Jews of the 1st century. I simply discount any sexist teaching on his part. But wow, Paul had a theology that was very enlightening, uplifting, and powerful. Paul said, “There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). I love that. It was extraordinary for the times. I can go a long way in this hard life on that statement alone.

Paul taught that we could put human weaknesses behind us and step up into a more meaningful life: “Therefore we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life” (Romans 6:4).

If I stopped reading I Corinthians because in chapter 11 it commands women to have their heads covered in church, then I would miss chapter 13 (Charity never faileth).

I don’t always agree with Paul’s theology, and when I don’t agree, I just skip in. For example, Paul said in Romans, “For those whom he [God] foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he [Jesus] might be the firstborn within a large family” (Romans 8:29). I don’t believe in predestination, so in my mind, I accept that the belief doesn’t match mine, I mentally draw a line through the first part of the verse, and I let the light of the statement “conformed to the image of his Son” illuminate my understanding.

There is good to be found in the scriptures, in the Church, and even in the temple, but to find the good we have to do one of two things. Either we have to accept everything or we have to set aside what we don’t accept. Either approach allows us to find the good. Pre-faith-crisis I was in the former camp. Post-faith-crisis I am in the latter. But at both stages of my life, I have been able to find the good.

My best wishes for you Shawn. May you find what you seek.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there! Times of growth are always tough, or at least that’s what my personal trainer says.

[Author]

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