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Hi. (Mormon from northern Europe here)
Born and raised in church, mission,TBM all my life, married in temple, got a few kids, templeworker ++
9 months ago I started down this path.
It started with my wife coming to bed one night in tears, telling me about this site she had come across when searching for some church materials on internet.
She had read about Joseph and polygami etc, and had a few questions combined with a bad feeling.
My experience with “anti mormon” information comes from the time I was on my mission, and basically I just shut it out mentally as nonsence and angry ravings from people attacking the church.
I told her that it was probably just the good old mix with truth and lies designed to hurt the church.
Next morning I decided to sit down and look into it myself.
I know that some say one should stay away from such information, but in my mind I trust my ability to discern.
How can the truth be hurt by information was my thought.
So I started to read, and read.
2 hours every day for 9 months so far.
First I was shocked and feeling really bad.
As I realised the truth of many of the accusations against the church I became disillutioned and irritated.
I decided that the church wasnt true in the way it claims to be, and contemplated my options.
I strongly believe that it is unwise to act on anger in irrational ways, so I kept coming to church and didnt talk to anyone about this, as I believe it is very difficult to talk to someone without hurting their faith.
And I respect people enough not to try to take their faith away, just because Im losing mine. Also I see that many people need the church, regardless if it is true in the way it claims to be.
The most important thing is my wife and kids, and Im willing to go to church for them even if it is not true.
Also I see how much my parents and extended family have put into the church, how they rely on it, and it is hard to see an alternative.
Anyways, a month ago I came across the “why people leave” presentation of John Dehlin on youtube.
And I started to download his podcasts and read what he was writing.
And for the first time since I started out on this path I discovered how many there were that was making a similar journey.
And for the first time I started feeling uplifted again. There is hope.
To John I would just like to say: Thank you. Dont let anyone make you think less of yourself and your important work.
As for me, I dont know where the path ends.
So far Im divided.
On one side I see that logically, statistically, and mathematically: The church isnt true, as in beeing the one true church. And since it isnt, all the promises it makes are probably dead and void.
On the other side I see that emotionally, culturally and spiritually: The church is my backbone, and I cannot see how I happily can leave it.
Wherever I end this is my focus:
1. My wife and kids must be happy.
2. When I face death at the appointed time, I must be comfortable with my choises, and not fear and regret.
Uther
What a post, Uther, you northern European, you! Uther wrote:
I strongly believe that it is unwise to act on anger in irrational ways, so I kept coming to church and ….
I would not be surprised to see that is a common thread among the posters here. Not helpful to act rashly.
Uther wrote:
Dont let anyone make you think less of yourself and your important work.
What a great message to John D.
Uther wrote:
1. My wife and kids must be happy.2. When I face death at the appointed time, I must be comfortable with my choises, and not fear and regret.
That strikes me as a very mature statement of purpose. I look forward to seeing more of your contributions here.
I really appreciate your story. Welcome. Welcome Uther! Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, there are indeed many who are making this journey similar to yours. You are not alone. Where it all ends? I love that question. It can be sad or exciting depending on how we approach it. I try to make it exciting and and hopeful. I love your attitude of compassion for all the people in your life. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on all these subjects. I am sure we can all learn a lot from your experiences. I gain a lot from seeing how others travel down these paths.
Welcome Uther! I echo the comments made so far. Uther wrote:
On one side I see that logically, statistically, and mathematically: The church isnt true, as in beeing the one true church. And since it isnt, all the promises it makes are probably dead and void.On the other side I see that emotionally, culturally and spiritually: The church is my backbone, and I cannot see how I happily can leave it.
Perhaps one place to start is considering that IF all the “promises” are probably dead and void, the first idea to toss is the binary one that it’s all perfect or it’s all useless. I don’t believe either side of that argument.
I also believe that for me, culturally and spiritually in many ways, the church is my backbone. I see no reason to leave it.
I look forward to hearing more from you! Again, welcome!
Uther wrote:
Wherever I end this is my focus:1. My wife and kids must be happy.
2. When I face death at the appointed time, I must be comfortable with my choises, and not fear and regret.
I totally relate with these desires. Sometimes they seem conflicting, and it’s a challenge sometimes to try to attain one without completely botching the other.
At first I resolved to do and speak up for what I thought was right no matter what (goal #2). I ended up hurting people in the process without meaning to. Truth must always be accompanied by Love and patience, I found.
Jesus seems to suggest that we should make the right choices regardless of whether our family approve or not (Matthew 10:34-37), but at the same time it should always be done with care and patience.
Welcome! I love your intro. I think we can all pretty much relate to it. The path ends with us. But the journey is never over!
Uther wrote:As for me, I dont know where the path ends.
So far Im divided.
On one side I see that logically, statistically, and mathematically: The church isnt true, as in beeing the one true church. And since it isnt, all the promises it makes are probably dead and void.
On the other side I see that emotionally, culturally and spiritually: The church is my backbone, and I cannot see how I happily can leave it.
Wherever I end this is my focus:
1. My wife and kids must be happy.
2. When I face death at the appointed time, I must be comfortable with my choises, and not fear and regret.
Uther
Great post, Uther. I think you are in like company, even if our own journeys are unique…they share similarities, I think.A couple thoughts came to me:
1) You’re priorities seem to be right on. I’m exactly with you…I want my family happy and I think the church can help with that.
2) Personal peace comes from choices with no regrets, just learnings and experiences to gain. Choices to please others don’t bring those rewards.
3) You are probably doing lots of reading, but you may want to check out Dr. Ulrich’s article (see here:
http://www.fairlds.org/FAIR_Conferences/2005_Faith_Cognitive_Dissonance_and_the_Psychology_of_Religious_Experience.html ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.fairlds.org/FAIR_Conferences/2005_Faith_Cognitive_Dissonance_and_the_Psychology_of_Religious_Experience.html Thanks for sharing your story.
Welcome, uther! I’m confident you recognize the commonalities in the journeys that cross paths here. Love what Heber said!
Hello, I really like when you said that
“The most important thing is my wife and kids, and Im willing to go to church for them even if it is not true.”
I really think that is admirable. My husband has always wanted me to go to church for him and that is really nice you will go to church for them.
Welcome, welcome! I really enjoyed reading your intro post. I like your attitude about not wanting others in the church to start questioning your faith as you, yourself are already “losing” your faith. I am still affected and hurt by the emotional and social “damages” that had been afflicted upon me but since you have been nine months into this, reading your post definitely gives me hope that I can at least in the near future become at peace with this and have the parallel attitude about this as you do
Looking forward to hear more from you on the board!
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