Farewell – for the time being at least

[Anonymous]

cwald wrote:

I’m limiting my time here because I’m pissed at what MY CHURCH has become and what it has evolved into. I’m pissed about it, and I find it very difficult to listen to arguments and discussions that sound more like apologies and excuses — rather than just talking about the way it is. I have no problem with the glass half full approach – as long as one doesn’t try to deny or make excuses or do “mental gymnastics” about the empty half. I just want to discuss the issues openly and honestly – and sometimes I feel like that approach (the way I approach it) goes against the mission of this forum.

I’m the first to admit that there is a lot of stuff that is a real turn-off in the Church. The things that tick me off about the Church are just different from other people’s stuff. I don’t have a problem with WoW for some reason.

As far as mental gymnastics goes, I do find that at times that’s what I’m doing. But sometimes, the mental gymnastics have helped me find solid reasons for doing things in the Church that really matter to me, and that motivate me.

[Anonymous]

cwald you can not leave me here being the lone Mormon agnostic.

[Anonymous]

Cadence wrote:

cwald you can not leave me here being the lone Mormon agnostic.

Well, maybe just taking the month of October off is all that I can do. I have had a new development in my “church experience” that may require me to continue with the mental gymnastics for awhile longer.

I had not been to church since mid September until last week. I just couldn’t do it after my experiences in Sept and what I heard from the pulpit in GC. After church Sunday, I told my wife that I was done with it, and that It was doing me more harm than good. I was done. I expected the wife to be upset. She wasn’t. She told me to do what I needed to do to be happy, and that she would continue to take the kids to church without me if need be. Her attitude alone, is enough for me to actually rethink it all, and make it more bearable to sacrifice for HER and continue. I will continue on with this madness – for her — not for the church or the church leaders or even the church members. I don’t care about that stuff anymore.

so anyway – I will need to hear, and appreciate some positive aspects of the church, and this site helps with that.

OUT.

[Anonymous]

cwald wrote:

…Her attitude alone, is enough for me to actually rethink it all, and make it more bearable to sacrifice for HER and continue. I will continue on with this madness – for her — not for the church or the church leaders or even the church members.

I would say that is the perfect and only acceptable reason — for her, for you, for your relationship. I think if we’re ever doing anything to please church leaders or other members we need to get our priorities straight. I can also see how that mindset could lead to an explosive eruption of anger when many of the issues come to light. If there was some feeling of devotion to leaders it could easily turn to “look at everything I was doing for you — and this is how you repay me — with white-wash and coverups!” I’m not at all pointing a finger here, this simply hit me as a logical and understandable outcome. I don’t think I’ve seen it in this way before.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for hanging in there, Cwald. I too have enjoyed reading your contributions and they’ve given me some inspiration at times. I would hate to see you leave this forum.

I think that going to church to support your wife and family is a wonderful reason to go. I also understand that attending in a small ward or branch can be especially tough because you’re going to be asked to do lots of stuff, even if you’re only marginally “active”. For people like us, that makes it even more difficult at times.

I don’t know what to tell you… breathe. Laugh. Focus on what’s really important to you.

[Anonymous]

Cwald…. can’t tell you how happy I am to hear you will likely still be around.

I have been a lurker over at NOM for years, and even recently signed up so I could make comments, but I find it is easy to get caught up in the negativity that is over there.

I like it here… for the most part we are all here because for one reason or another it is important that we find a way to find a place for ourselves among a church we may no longer believe in, or we need to keep our relationships with members of the church. I am here because I love my family.

I love to hear from you on this site… your comments help us all to think, and to have great discussions.

[Anonymous]

Hi Cwald,

I’m new here. Maybe I will someday be where you are now.

I can appreciate that there are certain mental structures and paradigms that serve us in this life. Sometimes they become less helpful and can even become a hindrance as time moves forward.

I think the church represents a paradigm or a group of paradigms and the more radically your paradigm differs from the center of the bell curve the more difficult and isolated things will be for you.

StayLDS for me represents another group of paradigms with perhaps a much larger standard deviation in the bell curve. Yet even this group of paradigms might someday outlive their usefulness for the individual.

Unfortunately models do not always apply cleanly to real interpersonal interactions. In the cost – benefit analysis, how much value can be assigned to a loving spousal and parental relationship.

I admire that your wife is able to give you a pretty wide berth of freedom to pursue your happiness while still holding strong to her own perceptions and ideals. I feel that wherever your path takes you, you have a good heart and it will be OK.

Though new here, I have read through the introductions and I can see that you have been helpful and supportive to the journeys of others. What more can be expected than that?

I recognize that what I write is heavily influenced by my own perspective filter and may have limited application to you.

May God be with you till we meet again-

[Anonymous]

I’m a little late responding, was travelling this weekend. Love having you here Cwald. We try to run StayLDS so that it fills a specific niche in the overall Mormon faith spectrum. We’d rather do what we do really good then try to be everything to everyone. So it’s totally cool to go elsewhere for content and discussion that we do not provide.

People should visit the communities that serve their needs. We don’t have to be exclusive to a single, “one-true” forum. I participate mostly here, but also occasionally visit and post at other sites when I am in the mood.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Roy.

Orson wrote:

cwald wrote:

…Her attitude alone, is enough for me to actually rethink it all, and make it more bearable to sacrifice for HER and continue. I will continue on with this madness – for her — not for the church or the church leaders or even the church members.

I would say that is the perfect and only acceptable reason — for her, for you, for your relationship. I think if we’re ever doing anything to please church leaders or other members we need to get our priorities straight. I can also see how that mindset could lead to an explosive eruption of anger when many of the issues come to light. If there was some feeling of devotion to leaders it could easily turn to “look at everything I was doing for you — and this is how you repay me — with white-wash and coverups!” I’m not at all pointing a finger here, this simply hit me as a logical and understandable outcome. I don’t think I’ve seen it in this way before.

Yeah. I’ve always had a “on my own terms” policy. But that is nothing like it is going to be now. What I am saying today – I have stayed in this church, and held callings, mental gymnastic-ed myself through temple recommend interviews and priesthood and Sunday meetings and general conference talks, and put up with all the angst for years out of loyalty to the church, loyalty to church leaders, a feeling of duty to support church leaders and members and a genuine desire to serve others and help other members, AND stupid belief and faith that perhaps doing so would help change the church culture.

NO MORE. I don’t care. Caring is killing me. The church leaders and it’s members can believe and practice whatever the hell they want to. I’m only attending the service and “barely active” out of respect for my wife – because, unlike an awful lot of our members and leaders, she actually understands what life and god are all about.

[Anonymous]

Speaking of “mental gymnastics”, I came across this definition in the Urban Dictionary:

Quote:

1. mental gymnastics

a slang term for the mental ability that can be very effective in dealing with cognitive dissonance

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mental%20gymnastics” class=”bbcode_url”>http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mental%20gymnastics

I guess for some it can be effective, but clearly takes effort and at some point the effort can be more than the reward…each person has to determine that. I guess I thought I’d make the point that “mental gymnastics” isn’t a negative term in and of itself…just one of the several ways to work through things, and I respect cwald for be able to put forward effort for so long, and in being honest with himself about his feelings.

[Anonymous]

I think I’ve said it before Cwald, but I think you might be in a bad ward. I’m quite happy with my one, but experience of others have led me to believe that some wards are “more equal than others” when it comes to a pleasant experience.

[Anonymous]

SamBee wrote:

I think I’ve said it before Cwald, but I think you might be in a bad ward. I’m quite happy with my one, but experience of others have led me to believe that some wards are “more equal than others” when it comes to a pleasant experience.

I’ll definitely vouch for that. Even in my more faithful days, I still found it difficult to stay active in certain wards. The reasons are as varied as the wards themselves, but oftentimes it’s due to personality clashes and cultural differences. That’ll be true no matter which organization we’re talking about.

[Author]

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