Fear and guilt

[Anonymous]

I feel like fear and guilt were the main reason I fell away, in my heart. Those are the reasons I never really had an interest in knowing God who I felt like I continually dissapointed. Finally when I just gave into the thought that I didn’t know anything, that I probably never would know the church is true it was like a load was lifted off of me. For the first time I wanted to know God, and I felt excited, and curious, and for the first time in a while I prayed. For the first time I was comfortable with *my* beliefs, and *my* church.

I was so content for awhile, then I could feel things slipping. Less interest, more self critisism. Last night I lay in bed, and the thought pop in my head, tithing. I owe quite a bit in tithing, and I haven’t been to church in awhile to give my tithing. Next week I told myself, but it was already there. Feelings of guilt, and fear, and not measuring up. Knowing that I had side stepped so to speak, and decided there are certain things that I just don’t believe, and I am more cultural at this point; I find it really odd that I felt that way. Mind you I want to give tithing, but I don’t know why it made me feel that way. It must not be a church thing, it must be a me thing. I must still use that same measuring stick. I felt at one point enlightened, as cheesy as that sounds, like I finally stopped getting in my own way. I guess I am not sure how to keep it up. Perhaps will be sliding and trying to regain ground for awhile. Does anyone feel the same way, and how do you deal with it.

[Anonymous]

I noticed you continue to refer to how you feel. For me this was always my downfall. As long as my feelings or emotions were my yardstick for my self worth I never measured up. It was not until I realized I was smarter than to let my life be ruled by emotions that I got over guilt. Think about it like this. If you can be uplifted by music or an inspiring talk you can just as easily be brought down with the same mechanism. All institutions use emotional triggers to enforce compliance. For the most part I believe it is not even done on purpose. It is just human nature. After awhile you become so conditioned that you respond automatically to the slightest provocation. Now I try to react to any feelings of inadequacy by using my brain to think my way through it. Should I pay tithing? maybe so but it is not out of some need to be accepted by God. It is because it is the right thing to do to help out.

Emotions are valuable for motivating us and bringing us pleasure, but IMHO they are very suspect for determining truth, or charting a course in life.

There is a reason Spock is my Avatar

[Anonymous]

In psychology, one of the very best mechanisms for helping people who suffer from depression is to take a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) course. Frankly, I think everyone should take a CBT course. The emotional, intellectual, and developmental skills in such a class would benefit anyone (except those who won the cortical lottery, which are very few).

As Cadence alluded to, one of the best mechanisms for not allowing fear/guilt (and by extension the people and organizations that use them) to control our lives is to develop techniques for challenging our emotional response. This is exactly what a CBT course gives you. Learning to think through problems analytically allows us to challenge the negative thoughts and emotions in constructive ways. My wife teases me all the time because I’m more analytical, and have learned to control my emotions (not without a great deal of practice).

Honestly, if you ever run across the opportunity to take a CBT course, even if you don’t suffer from depression technically, I would take it. You’ll learn a ton and will be better able to handle your emotional response. For an introduction, check out this site here. Don’t dismiss it because it’s focused on helping those with mental disorders, the truth is, most of us have the symptoms of virtually all mental disorders, we just have them in small, short quantities. The biggest difference between a “normal” person and a clinically depressed person is mostly the length of time and severity of feeling down.

[Anonymous]

I did try life coaching briefly – if that’s the same thing – it didn’t really work for me, and it was costing me too much money. (I’m afraid the LC seemed to be only interested in people with a lot of money. I was going because I needed means to get a better job – amongst other things)

Quote:

the truth is, most of us have the symptoms of virtually all mental disorders, we just have them in small, short quantities.

I wish more of us would realise this…

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for the insight your all dead on. I placed a hold for a book about CBT from the library.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Emotions are valuable for motivating us and bringing us pleasure, but IMHO they are very suspect for determining truth, or charting a course in life.

I was just thinking something similar: emotions make good servants, but terrible masters.

[Author]

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