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I actually went through the temple after my disaffection. I had originally decided to serve a mission to get more dates, but upon reading Jesus the Christ, I came to what I believe is a genuine understanding and respect for the Savior. So when I took out my endowments, I felt that I was making covenants directly with God. Even if I eventually decided the church wasn’t true and never darkened the doors of the chapel again, I’d probably still keep wearing my garments (well, most of the time). To me, they represent covenants I made with God, not with the church. That’s great Steve! I wish more members could have such a direct relationship to God. Too often when they want to rebel against “the church” they only hurt themselves. I think this is one situation where seeing the church as a reflector instead of a facilitator could be helpful. Porter, I agree – God IS love. You cannot get further away from God when you’re honestly TRYING to love. Life is a learning process, if you’re living and learning you’re doing it right. Have you ever considered – what if we ARE able to tap into the spirit every step of the way? Obviously I’m not saying it’s the same as what your old impression of the spirit was, but what if it IS the spirit – and we just need to discover what that REALLY is? What if love is the major portion of what the spirit is? What other terms could we use to describe it?
This is in a common vein of my thoughts recently: “so my prior ideas had some error – let’s get to what’s REAL.” When we find the truth we find God. No, that doesn’t mean that everyone will interpret everything in the same way. That’s the beauty of it.
Like Rix says: “to be taken diagonally” – results may vary
Steve-hpias wrote:I actually went through the temple after my disaffection. I had originally decided to serve a mission to get more dates, but upon reading Jesus the Christ, I came to what I believe is a genuine understanding and respect for the Savior. So when I took out my endowments, I felt that I was making covenants directly with God. Even if I eventually decided the church wasn’t true and never darkened the doors of the chapel again, I’d probably still keep wearing my garments (well, most of the time). To me, they represent covenants I made with God, not with the church.
Thanks for this thought Steve! I still wear my garments but have been contemplating not. I have been associating them with “the church” and not as a covenant just between me and God. I am now rethinking how I view them. Besides, I find them to be dang comfy!
Ditto, Flowerdrops Orson wrote:Porter, I agree – God IS love. You cannot get further away from God when you’re honestly TRYING to love. Life is a learning process, if you’re living and learning you’re doing it right. Have you ever considered – what if we ARE able to tap into the spirit every step of the way? Obviously I’m not saying it’s the same as what your old impression of the spirit was, but what if it IS the spirit – and we just need to discover what that REALLY is? What if love is the major portion of what the spirit is? What other terms could we use to describe it?
Interesting thought Orson, I like it. Love really leads us to do what is good, in an unselfish way. To be ‘guided’ by love, could really be the same as be guided by the spirit… I will think more of this, thanks for your perspective.
flowerdrops wrote:Besides, I find them to be dang comfy!
Glad to find I’m not the only one. One-piece garments forever!
So much great advice already. From this point forward, it is a personal journey for you. I love what Hawkgrrrl pointed out about fear. I would add that fear is in fact a powerful motivator, but it operates on a much lower level of sophistication. I recommend working on replacing fear with love. Don’t act or not act out of fear, do things out of love for God and love for yourself (and neighbor). I do not recommend “breaking” orthodox commandments just for the sake of proving you are not controlled by anyone.
Always ask yourself these important questions:
1. Am I harming someone or creating suffering?
If yes, then I am probably on the wrong path. We are not even talking about some type of mystical “sin.” Suffering is a real consequence that moral and enlightened humans try to reduce.
2. Is my action something that has a good symbolic purpose?
Maybe what I am contemplating isn’t related to suffering or natural consequences. Instead, will a ritual or ceremonial practice help me become something better?
3. Will I be more happy or less happy if I do (or don’t do) _________ ?
Always trade up!
I find it very useful to introspect and meditate, to be very mindful of my actions and my journey. Since I am treading off the beaten path of orthodoxy, which is what I feel God has created me to do, then I am responsible for my choices. This is indeed freedom, but with freedom comes consequences. There’s nobody but me to blame.
I picture myself standing at the judgment bar being told you really messed up. You had the truth and ignored it. My only defense will be “If it was so true why was it so confusing, I did the best I could with the information I was given” I think you need to trust more in God than in the church. The church is still learning and growing, though it seems at times to be growing like a teenager. I understand the sensible side of you, so I’ll appeal to that. “IF” the church is true, then it is brought to this world BY God, and THROUGH men. Prophets are not perfect, even if they won’t lead us astray. They still screw things up. And God speaks to you just as God speaks to them. He doesn’t micro-manage the church leaders, though many leaders feel guided by the Spirit. He doesn’t gather the 12 apostles into the Holy of Holies every month to discuss the management of His church. (I used to actually believe those sort of things happened) God wants us to live according to the light and knowledge we have received. That is to act from a position of power, not a position of fear. Don’t be afraid of losing your soul just because you don’t do everything the scriptures and prophets say you must to do gain eternal life. God is the Judge, not them. As long as you do what YOU know to be right, and stop worrying about what you don’t know for sure, you’ll have a good standing with God. If there is no God, and you go about all your days doing good, you will leave this world a better place, and if there is a God, and you go about doing good all your days, then you will receive exaltation. It’s a win-win situation. And if God rejects your life of good because you didn’t live according to ordinances you have not received a testimony of, then He is not God, and we need not worry. Focus more on living according to your beliefs and not according to what your bishop or the prophet says you should believe, and you’ll lose the fear. Find God, and stick with God, not man. I feel the same way… It’s really hard. I think what ldsmavrick said was really good. I no longer wear my garments and I find I am much happier not wearing them because I never wanted to in the first place and I was just letting other people control me. It took a while to completely stop wearing them but I am pretty fine with it now. I would just go one day with out wearing them to see how you feel.
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