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Hello everyone, I’m Flo. I’m just going to jump right to it. It’s been a huge roller coaster ride in this religion. Four years ago I started to really question certain doctrine (the blacks priesthood ban, polygamy, then I started reading up on Brigham Young), when my father left my mother for another women and used the church to justify his actions it shook me deeply. Then, the 2008 elections happened. I’m a liberal. I opposed prop 8 vehemently, to the detriment of some of my friendships within my church. I didn’t openly discuss politics but things came to a head when I posted this silly post on my blog called 100 things you didn’t need to know about me, and put that I was a liberal and planned on voting for Obama. I started getting nasty emails. People telling me I needed to leave the church, there was no room for someone with my political views in that religion. My own father wrote me a 7 page letter telling me what a disappointment I was to him, the church and God. My husband was deployed at the time and I kind of had a break down, I went to my bishop who talked me through it, but informed me I was wrong about prop 8. After that things died down a bit, I still went to church half heartily but I was hurt and that hurt started to consume me. I had been called things like a cafeteria Mormon (those that pick and choose what they believe), I was told I needed to turn in my temple recommend and resign my calling (I was gospel doctrine teacher). I stopped going, and then I stopped wearing my garments. That part bothered my husband so I agreed to wear them again. It was about 6 months before I decided to go back, and it was in a new ward this time. I still don’t get the fulfillment I want out of the church, I still struggle with certain doctrinal issues but for the most part I’ve made my peace. I realized I couldn’t let close-minded individuals decide my salvation. I do love this church, but more importantly I love my Savior and I can’t face a life with Him. So I’m coming back, slowly. I don’t go to sacrament meeting all the time, but that has a lot to do with my child on the spectrum that despises religion (a whole other post).
Things were going better until Packer’s talk, it wasn’t so much the talk that bothered me. I mean, I grew up listening to Packer, I just usually avoid his talks because I know he will say something that will bother me. But then I started reading the blogasphere and stupid comments started to get to me. Cafeteria Mormon comments, several invites to his support group on facebook, people again saying there is no room in the LDS church for people like me, how dare I question a prophet and on and on. I think I’ve gotten to the point where I see a different picture. Why wouldn’t there be room in his church for me? Christ, the man who brought a prostitute in, the man who preached to the Samaritan. This is my church too and I have a right to be here, to partake of the blessings and knowledge being taught. My husband often says he believes the church but wishes he could worship on his own to avoid people because they make comments that hurt without even realizing it. I know where I want to be again spiritually, and part of me is scared to get there. Anyway, I’m here because I need a safe haven, I need a place where people won’t tell me to leave because I have a different point of view.
We most certainly won’t tell you to leave because you have a different point of view. I’m so sorry that people are bold enough to tell you that you don’t belong. That saddens my heart. I hope you find some peace here. I have. Welcome! If it’s any consolation, I’m also a divergent thinker, and an active LDS person, and have a calling. I’m open to new ways of looking at things. It’s part of what keeps life interesting and refreshing. I don’t blame you for voting Prop 8. I also see it as your right to vote with your conscience on the Prop 8 issue. The Church is clear that they are not a political organization and can’t tell everyone to endorse certain candidates such as Obama or others, and they can’t force any of us to vote a certain way on any issue.
Hurtful comments — they abound — the key might be not to express those statements which attract the hurtful comments where possible. There will still be hurtful comments delivered unprovoked, but I’ve had to accept that if one shares divergent thought among traditional believing mormons, you’ll attract all kinds of bad comments that will only push you further away. I look at my personal divergent thoughts at Church the same way I look at my undone shoelace (a problem I’m facing right now due to wear on my shoelace). If I allow my undone shoelace to be visible, everyone will be saying “Your shoelace is undone, you’re going to trip”. I find that annoying — so — the solution — make sure my shoelaces are always done up. Or, keep my divergent thoughts to myself, or online where there is a semblance of anonyniminty in a safe place, like this website.
Regarding the people who make the hurtful comments — during inspired moments, I view them as people who still haven’t learned to accept the fact that no truth is absolute, and that there is room for a diversity of opinion on subjects based on people’s life experience. And this leads to compassion for how limited their view is….as I say, I have this impression only during inspired moments.
Otherwise, welcome here….my thought would be to consider doing what I did during a 7 year period of less activity. I attended priesthood meeting regularly and just let the good parts of the lessons wear on my spiritually — in a good way. I eventually
wantedto return to full activity, which I did for another 6 years until I hit another trial of faith. The time that passed from my trial of faith to returning to activity (sincerely wanting to be active) was a huge variable in helping me want to return to having a calling, teaching classes etcetera. Fortunately, time does heal most wounds, and being patient with oneself until time, and more good experiences at Church, and even feeling the warm fuzzies of the spirit can help…that’s my egocentric, autobiographical perspective on what you’re feeling….I hope it helps in some small way. Hi Flo! Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys, we’re glad to have you. Wow … your story is so painful.
Flo wrote:100 things you didn’t need to know about me, and put that I was a liberal and planned on voting for Obama. I started getting nasty emails. People telling me I needed to leave the church, there was no room for someone with my political views in that religion. My own father wrote me a 7 page letter telling me what a disappointment I was to him, the church and God…
SWEET BABY JESUS! Flo, you are surrounded by some seriously toxic personalities. Sorry, I hope that doesn’t offend you. I’ve felt some of that disappointment from my parents … but a 7 page “Epistle to the Damned” from your own father?
😯 It sounds like your husband is a nice guy though, and very supportive. That is a blessing.Flo wrote:I had been called things like a cafeteria Mormon (those that pick and choose what they believe)
That just made me smile
Flo wrote:I think I’ve gotten to the point where I see a different picture. Why wouldn’t there be room in his church for me? Christ, the man who brought a prostitute in, the man who preached to the Samaritan.
This is my church too and I have a right to be here, to partake of the blessings and knowledge being taught. Flo! I love it! Do you know how long it takes for a lot of us to figure that out? You are miles ahead of the curve. I loved how you said that. It is your church, just as much as it “belongs” to anyone else with a membership card. Don’t ever forget that!
So glad to have you with us, and look forward to hearing more. We aren’t all the same, many of us have different ideas about aspects of the church and gospel, but that’s what makes it so interesting and inspiring, to me at least.
Flo wrote:…It’s been a huge roller coaster ride in this religion. Four years ago I started to really question certain doctrine (the blacks priesthood ban, polygamy, then I started reading up on Brigham Young)…I had been called things like a cafeteria Mormon (those that pick and choose what they believe), I was told I needed to turn in my temple recommend and resign my calling…Why wouldn’t there be room in his church for me? …This is my church too and I have a right to be here…
I feel sort of the same way about it, that this is my Church too and it’s not really fair for them to expect me to leave just because I don’t see some things exactly the same way they do. I didn’t choose to be born into this tradition but most of my family are members so for them to try to use this kind of situation to tell people what exactly they are supposed to do and believe to the extent they do now is simply not right in my opinion. That’s why I think the Church could really use more “cafeteria” Mormons to balance things out a little and at least try to keep some of the more orthodox members somewhat honest or in check.
I voted for Pres. Obama, Flo – and it really freaks out people who know me as the conservatively living Mormon. People have a really hard time pinning me down all the time, because I just don’t fit any particular stereotype. I’ve said here before, “This is MY church, dagnabit; ain’t nobody going to make me leave.”
Welcome!
You guys are awesome and have made me feel so good. Brian, yes my father is one of a kind, I have since cut off all communication with him and my life has had a lot less drama. Epistle of the damned made me
😆 , I’m going to have use that. It is so nice to know that there are others out there that may not be struggling with same issues, but are struggling, I’m grateful to have a support. Thanks again for the warm welcome.Welcome Flo. It is hard when other people say things they shouldn’t when it is none of their business. I think that even if some doctrines are puzzling (or don’t feel good) and some people are goof-balls…there is still plenty in the church good enough to hold on to. But you’re welcome here in this group, and I look forward to learning from you as you post your thoughts and questions.
And I love hearing phrases like “SWEET BABY JESUS!” and “dagnabit”!!
We had a bishop that would run his hands through his hair and say, “Oh, Godfree” <---- not the way it's spelled but how it's pronounced. I’d like to add that to the slang for today. I voted for Obama.
😈 I’m so sorry people tell you that you do not belong because it is not true! I find it incredible that people are so mean and clueless.
I’m new here but I’d like to say, Welcome!
Looks like I’m late to the party — as usual. Welcome Flo!
Welcome Flo! I hope the good folks and resources you’ll find here will help you on your journey. I agree with others who’ve observed that you have a lot of toxic personalities in your life. It can be really difficult to do, but setting firm boundaries and learning to pick and choose which hurtful comments to confront and which to let slide can be very helpful in maintaining a healthy mental and emotional state. I definitely wouldn’t let a 7 page letter from my own father slide, but I’d probably wait a few days for the emotions to wear off before offering a rebuttal. Not ceding the high ground is important when dealing with difficult people. It’s unlikely, but some might eventually realize how hurtful they are being.
And as for the struggle of being a liberal in a conservative church, welcome to the club! I live in the heart of the mor-cor, and not only did I vote for Obama, I had a campaign sign in my window. I was afraid if I put it on my lawn, it’d get stolen. Not two days after I did that, every church member on my street had McCain signs. I felt like the guy who brought a knife to a gun fight. A funny thing happened, though. When I went to church that Sunday, I noticed a couple of other people in my ward put Obama bumper stickers on their cars.
The lesson to take from this is you’re never as alone as you think, but it can be a challenge. Make no mistake about it. The church is officially non-partisan, but it is a very conservative church. While there is much discussion to be found on social justice, environmental stewardship, and compassion in most of the standard works, the general authorities and (especially) local church leaders tend to focus more on topics that appeal to conservatives: abortion, gays, taxes, later chapters of Alma used to support the notion of a strong national defense and capital punishment, etc. It can be daunting for a liberal to find a place in any conservative church, much less this one, but it can be done.
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