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I’ve been lurking on this site for a while and I finally decided to introduce myself. I’m a single, 32 year old female, and I’ve never been married. I grew up in a very black and white orthodox Mormon family. All my life I never felt there was anything wrong with the gospel. Then this last year, I started questioning a few things, but It didn’t cause me to start losing my testimony. It did however, get me to start looking at the church with an open mind. That caused me to start seeing the problems within the gospel and I started questioning everything. I’ve now lost most of my faith and it’s been hard. I feel like my foundation has crumbled from underneath me.
Here’s where I’m at in my life:
I’m still going to church even though I’m having a hard time believing it’s true because I like the community. Also, because I haven’t told my parents about my faith crisis and I don’t want to devastate them, (they think the worst thing you could do in your life is go in active).
I haven’t been reading the Book of Mormon since President Nelson gave us women the BOM challenge because I’m not sure whether it’s true or not, (I’ve never gotten a confirmation that it is even though I’ve sought out an answer many times).
I don’t care to go to the temple anymore, but I still want to have a temple recommend so I can support friends and family that get married.
I still keep the commandments and strive to live a righteous life, even though I’m not sure what I believe anymore. I like to think Heavenly Father and Jesus are real, but I’ve become somewhat agnostic.
On a good note, I told one of my brothers, (who’s become a grey thinker like me) about my faith crisis and he’s been really understanding. He says he’ll support me in whatever I decide to do. I haven’t told anyone else in my family and I don’t plan to.
I’m grateful I’ve found this site. I feel this is great community where I won’t be judged and where I can get lots of support.
Hi, welcome to the community. I’m glad you found us too. You are more fortunate than many people here in that you have your brother to talk to and that’s great. I hope we can be of help and support to you and vice versa. My standard advice is take it slow, don’t dump all at once, and focus on what you do believe. A belief in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is a good start. Happy you found us, GreyThinker. The toughest thing about a faith transition, is the loss of community. When you’re a member, especially born and raised, it feels like your entire network is LDS. The sad thing is, religious discrimination is very real when you don’t fit into the status quo. It makes a hard transition even harder. It’s good to have a place like this, where we can work through our thoughts, vent a little, and try to find our place.
I’m glad to have your voice in this forum, and look forward to your comments. We’re here for you, should you need anything.
thegreythinker wrote:
I still keep the commandments and strive to live a righteous life, even though I’m not sure what I believe anymore.
Also, I just wanted to say this is super important. Chances are your views will shift, but I think it’s very important not to toss everything aside. Some aspects of the Church are really good, even if our original basis for beliving in them turns out to be false. “Don’t throw babies out with the bath water.”
hi tgt, I look forward to hearing from you on this forum. For now, I just want to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this. Believe it or not, there is a lot of good that can enter your life BECAUSE of the faith crisis, but there is no getting around the fact that right now it is bringing a lot of pain for you. I have described it as a punch in the gut. I’ve called it the Great Disappointment. My story was not that much different from yours at its core, though I was married and had children. The tears flowed. I was deeply saddened. The overwhelming feeling for me was a loss of sense of purpose. But over time and with the help of loved ones, my own philosophical reboot, and the wonderful folks at this site, I have been able to establish a new satisfaction with my place in the universe. I feel at-peace with the Church and its people.
For now, we are here to help you however we can and to hear from you as you learn and grow into your new life. Just know that we care and although we all have different stories, different hot-buttons, different circumstances, different approaches, and different beliefs, we want to share our experiences together in a loose community of like-minded. I hope you will remain a part of it. It really is something wonderful.
Helloe TGT – I like the fact you still find it OK to hold a TR. Once you fall off that wagon things get way more complicated. If you can keep being an outward member of the community, even though inwardly you are a grey thinker, then you’ve solved a lot of community problems right there. I envy you! Welcome Grey Thinker, I support everything that’s been said to date. This is a good place to work out what your thoughts & beliefs are & what they are going to be. I don’t think that our belief system was ever meant to be static. I think it is meant to be an adventure of self discovery. Whatever
that means. Keep coming back. We want to hear more from you.
Welcome TGT, The other day my overly literal 10 year old son said that he will love me forever. Then he qualified that by saying that he may not love me forever because he does not know what happens after death. I told him that i have hope that some part of me will continue on after death and that whatever part of me that is eternal will love whatever part of him that is eternal forevermore.
It can be hard to not have confidence in specific eternal promises tied to specific earthly actions. However, life and relationships are still at the center of it all.
Thank you for giving an intro. feel free to jump into the conversation. We need your voice and life experience.
Welcome. Thanks for the introduction. I think you will fit in well here. SilentDawning wrote:
Helloe TGT – I like the fact you still find it OK to hold a TR. Once you fall off that wagon things get way more complicated. If you can keep being an outward member of the community, even though inwardly you are a grey thinker, then you’ve solved a lot of community problems right there. I envy you!
Thanks! Honestly, if my family wasn’t such black and white strong members, I wouldn’t bother having a recommend. Since they are, I don’t want them to be suspicious about my faith crisis so I continue to have one.
Thank you everyone for your kind words! I really appreciate your support! thegreythinker wrote:
SilentDawning wrote:
Helloe TGT – I like the fact you still find it OK to hold a TR. Once you fall off that wagon things get way more complicated. If you can keep being an outward member of the community, even though inwardly you are a grey thinker, then you’ve solved a lot of community problems right there. I envy you!
Thanks! Honestly, if my family wasn’t such black and white strong members, I wouldn’t bother having a recommend. Since they are, I don’t want them to be suspicious about my faith crisis so I continue to have one.
My reason for having a TR is similar. I rarely go to the temple but if it makes people feel better that I have one and I feel I can honestly answer the questions (and I do) then what harm is there in having one?
Hi Grey! It’s nice to have you here. I only came on recently and have found a lot of the support you are looking for. I love the positivity of the group here.
Welcome.
Welcome! This community was a life saver for me. I no longer am “staying LDS” but my wife is and I stay plugged into this on-line community because I have loved it and enjoy the non-judgmental conversations that go on here. Wherever your journey takes you, this community will support you. Having been accused, on occasion, of unfairly judging others, I must say that I can hardly hold myself up as an example of unconditional love. I do not wish to hurt anyone’s feelings, nor do I wish to allow others to hurt my feelings. I look to Jesus as the example. He didn’t blame people for not having enough faith, but was always sad or mourning that faith was so rare. He didn’t use a lack of faith as an excuse to treat someone poorly; he ministered to people all across the spectrum. In fact he focused his energies on the sinners. The parable of the seed, where the seed is spread and sometimes finds favorable conditions to sprout and grow, and sometimes does not is a kind way of saying that sometimes people have faith, and sometimes they don’t, and it isn’t necessarily their fault. One doesn’t usually blame the seed, although in some cases the seed itself is bad. Good seed ends up in dry soil, or shady soil or thin soil or bad soil. We can’t assume that the seed is bad. For whatever reason, your faith is suffering. We all know what that is like. You are not alone. I only ask that you don’t judge me – for having faith. Perhaps my seed didn’t fall on the best soil. But the master gardener has since ministered to my needs, and nurtured my tender plant, until finally it has bore fruit. My heart of stone has been replaced with a heart of flesh. I’m not saying that there isn’t room for improvement, but only that I feel things more fully than I once did. As Ebenezer Scrooge said, “I’m not the man I was.”
Perhaps there is an area here that deserves further study. How, exactly, did Jesus nurture the soil of those who had little faith? How did he get faith to sprout and grow and bear fruit?
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