Five simple thoughts that help me get past my faith crisis

[Anonymous]

It’s odd that I’ve only been on this forum for only a couple of months. I came here literally crying while typing my post. I think I can say that I’m past my faith crisis and entering “phase five” of my faith transition. In hopes that I can provide help for others I would like to offer these thoughts that really got me past my faith crisis. I know I still have a couple more bumps (I still haven’t come out to my family as non literal believer/unorthodox Mormon) in the road but for the first time I feel like everything is going to be ok on constant basis.

The bold is simple thoughts I had that really boosted me. Unbold is explanation. So no further ado… here they are!

1. There is more to my life than my faith crisis and church. There is my career, my hobbies, my family, my friends, my goals, my dreams, my physical health, the communities I belong to, my dating life, my emotional health etc. When I realized that there are so many sources of happiness than faith crisis it really change in how I thought about it. It made my faith crisis WAY smaller in my life.

2. My values is what defines my faith. Not other way around. I will trust that God (or just your own moral compass) is leading me to the right way. I will trust myself that I’m not wrong and if I am wrong, God will self correct me if I have good intentions. I will take values from the church that I feel like what that fits and I will reject those who don’t feel like it is right.

3. Finding the meaning of life is putting too much expectations on yourself. . Trying to solves like’s hardiest equation is impossible for a human with a brain that is literally can’t comprehend it is a battle you can’t win. Which brings me to my next thought…

4. Don’t find the meaning of life, find meaning in your life instead. I would end up crying because I would pray to god to let me know it’s true. But if keep doing that, all wonders of life will pass me by. If I’m too busy finding the meaning of life I will miss out meaning in my life. Read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

5. Any external bad thing that will happen in my life, I will replace it with a good value instead. “There is a realization from which all potential personal growth emerges. This is the realization that you are responsible for everything you do in your life, no matter the external circumstances. When we become responsible for our own values, we no longer have to struggle to make the world conform to our needs, rather we can adapt our own values to fit the circumstances that confront us in the world.” Source: http://markmanson.net/the-prime-belief. This kept me from being an angry anti Mormon. Instead of thinking “I’ve been lied to!” I replace it with “I can learn from this. I learned people are imperfect. Normal human psychology gets the better of people. I will learn to be skeptical and adopt critical thinking. I will be emphatic to people who feel lied to and lied to me. I learn to trust myself in my own thoughts and feelings. If anything is off it’s worth exploring.”

I hope this helps of you who are lost. You’re not alone!

[Anonymous]

Great to hear. I have found that as I progress, it isn’t that yesterday I was in stage 4, and today I am in stage 5. It has not been nearly so clean for me. I still have a toe in stage 3, mostly in stage 4, and I think that I have a few toes in stage 5 (probably overestimating that) and my body above isn’t siting still. It is moving and being moved upon. And don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to tell McZee “you THINK you are in stage 5” as I don’t know. Just expressing how I feel so if someone else feels like me they don’t feel alone.

McZee – thanks for sharing where you are at. It sounds like you have made great progress! Best of luck going forward and drop by again and keep us updated.

[Anonymous]

Mczee, you have some great points that are well stated.

Most of my issues are not so much my personal FC at this point as much as trying to fit my current beliefs/non-beliefs into the family and social dynamic that I already have in place.

If I walk away, where do I go? I know where I want to go, but how does that affect my spouse? My children? What are the consequences of each step I take? I am stepping very carefully and gingerly. To watch the careful steps, you would think I was going through a mine field.

[Anonymous]

amateurparent wrote:

Most of my issues are not so much my personal FC at this point as much as trying to fit my current beliefs/non-beliefs into the family and social dynamic that I already have in place.

This is purely for the faith crisis part and reconciling your personal view point on faith. It’s not a fix all.

LookingHard wrote:

And don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to tell McZee “you THINK you are in stage 5” as I don’t know.

I’ve been letting this sit for a month and I feel like I’m mostly at stage five. I notice there is a HUGE contrast of emotions of the many years I’ve been struggling with this. Sure, it’s possible I’ll go back but for now I’m enjoying the much needed break after a decade of struggles.

I want to make this clear. I don’t think my advice isfor everybody. This is what helped me. If this fits with you run with it, if it doesn’t, that’s cool too.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, McGee, for your thoughtful post – and, especially, the last comment.

Knowing different thigns work for different people is a big part of moving to Stage 5, and it is critical to true charity. It is as important for us and how we view and discuss traditional, orthodox believers as it is for them relative to us.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting, mczee. As the parent of young adults who are reeling right now, I wish they had a Facebook friend like you.

[Anonymous]

That’s great you’re into Stage 5. I’m still in Stage 4. What does Stage 5 look like to you?

[Anonymous]

I think for me it’s a very emotional thing. I feel a sense that finally everything is going to be ok for the long term. I feel empathy and more forgiving towards everybody on all sides (but still have an opinion). I feel like religion is not EVERYTHING in my life. It’s just one small aspect of it. Even if religion isn’t literally true to me, it’s still important to have some spiritual view on life. It’s more about how helpful is than the truth.

We will see how long it lasts. Either way, it’s MUCH better and healthier where I’m at than what I use to be.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a peace that comes from feeling that stage 5ish outlook…it feels so right.

The test comes from really interacting with the Stage 3 church and the people in it. There will be angst and conflict. That doesn’t go away because in your head and heart you feel the peace of Stage 5.

I just think you accept angst and conflict. And continue as you are.

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

I think there is a peace that comes from feeling that stage 5ish outlook…it feels so right.

The test comes from really interacting with the Stage 3 church and the people in it. There will be angst and conflict. That doesn’t go away because in your head and heart you feel the peace of Stage 5.

I just think you accept angst and conflict. And continue as you are.

How true. There have been times I felt like I was much more in stage 5 than I probably was as when I came across a staunch stage 3 and just ticked me off. I have been getting better about being OK with someone in a different stage – or belief. Certainly a work in progress. Nowhere close to stage 6

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