Follow the Prophet, and everyone else…

[Anonymous]

Another piece of advice — I am heavily influenced by Willard Harley Junior who said stable, happy marriages occur when each spouse meets the needs of their spouse. In this case, your husband has a need for your religious commitment, and if you don’t provide it, it has the potential to hurt your marriage.

Consistent with his philosophy, I would get very in-tune with your husband’s emotional needs. There is an emotional needs (or used to be) questionnaire at http://www.marriagebuilders.com. You could ask him to fill it out to learn what needs he has — you’ll be surprised what you learn. My wife did it and I found she had needs I didn’t know existed.

If you do not meet his need for reigious commitment, you may find he has OTHER needs you can fill better than you do now. This can compensate for your lack of church commitment.

For example, my wife has a need for financial support, conversation, affection, and family commitment….

I think my lack of church commitment hurts the family commitment need because the church entwines doctrine with family. It has caused dissatisfaction at one point.

However, she has not left me — this, I believe is because I meet the financial, conversation and affection needs pretty well. There are times when I have to proactively meet the conversation and affection needs far more intensely than I do (a concerned effort) when I feel her receding from our relationship, or dissatisfied with my lack of church commitment. So far, the marriage is stable.

You might consider augmenting the way you meet his other needs to compensate for lack of family commitment.

I do think the fact that I meet her first three needs pretty well, or top them up when she is suffering from lack of church commitment on my part,

[Author]

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