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Sue – I am going to thread jack this conversation just a bit, if you decide to give the church some room – which is totally acceptable – take the time and build on your spiritual beliefs, whatever they are. I had a grandfather I admired, he walked away from the church for over 40 years. I didn’t even know he was a member until I was a teen. But I never questioned his values, motives, or soul. He was a true Christian. He reached out to his neighbors and community. He treated everyone as a friend and equal. He didn’t do it for attention, but because his spirit called him to do it. I learned from watching and following him. I grew up in the church, I met many great people, with characteristics I could follow, but life principles came from him. Take your best and build “the kingdom” there. I think it will help more than anything else.
Sue – I think we misunderstand each other. When I meant “give the church some room” I should have said, if you choose to walk away. Walking away is fine and I am not trying to talk you in to staying. I was just suggesting keeping room for what you believe in. That means if you believe in serving people, make sure to find a place to do that – serve dinner at the homeless shelter, purchase and donate groceries to the food bank, do race for the cure. That was all my suggestion was about. We call it Trading Up here.
Last of all, I don’t think it’s hypocritical if you don’t believe everything. Our practices have changed so much over the centuries, they will likely continue. If you believe anything or enjoy you can witness/testify of that. I get the private person thing. I don’t share my full me with lots of people. I am not lying, just there is no reason to share more than anything then they need to know.
You might be interested in these podcasts to help you think. Also read Borderlands through Sunstone.
http://www.mormondiscussionpodcast.org/2015/01/true-believing-atheist-mormon/ http://mormonmatters.org/2014/09/23/249-250-being-authentic-within-mormonism/ sue wrote:mom3 wrote:Sue – I am going to thread jack this conversation just a bit, if you decide to give the church some room – which is totally acceptable – take the time and build on your spiritual beliefs, whatever they are…..
Mom3 in response…
As far as giving the church room? My response to that would is…wouldn’t i be a hypocrite if i accept one or two things, pretend im okay, and do what i want on the rest? There are many things that church supports that i no longer believe in. I have tried many ways to study this topic and figure out what to do. For example, i dont believe in the 3 degrees of glory anymore. I dont feel there is anything special about temples. These are big issues for me. How can i not believe in these things and still go?
Going back to church causes me some anxiety. For one, I know that as soon as i start going back to sacrament i will be asked to share my testimony. My ward has this habit of calling up people every sunday to share their testimony even if you dont want to. That is a big issue for me. Its an issue because im really not sure of too much right now. I also have some anxiety over being recently released….i know others will want to ask why i was released early (i lost my testimony and didnt want to do it anymore). How do i respond to that?
So if i decide to build my own kingdom…then i won’t have any need for the church? If that is the case i will be in the same boat before i found the church…just studying my scriptures on my own. I wish there was an easier way to figure out how to incorporate the church into my life. I just dont want to feel like im lying to people at church if i do decide to go back. At the same time im a very private person and dont feel the need to explain myself.
When I read your post I was reminded of this quote from Pres. Uchtdorf:
Quote:Some might say, “I know a member of your Church who is a hypocrite. I could never join a church that had someone like him as a member.”
If you define hypocrite as someone who fails to live up perfectly to what he or she believes, then we are all hypocrites. None of us is quite as Christlike as we know we should be. But we earnestly desire to overcome our faults and the tendency to sin. With our heart and soul we yearn to become better with the help of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Truth is we’re all hypocrites, we all fall far short of perfection. Despite what it may look like to us and despite what they say, all members, to one extent or another, pick and choose what they believe and what they do.
I understand your anxiety, I experienced much of the same anxiety. Anxiety is not unusual. Sometimes we need help with our anxiety and need to consider counseling.
There is an easy fix to the testimony thing. Simply tell your bishop about your issue with it and tell him it’s a deal breaker. If he has any kind of human feeling and believes that it is better to have you there than not there, he will forgo asking you to bear your testimony.
Unfortunately there are no easy answers.
Nobody believes everything. It is impossible. That is true of all religions.
Understanding and accepting that is an important step forward.
Old-Timer wrote:Nobody believes everything. It is impossible.
Hell – I am finding it hard to justfigure outwhat the church believes – let along believe it all myself. I have come to a bit of peace that I am responsible for what I believe. I will listen to the church’s position, but it comes down to me and the Holy Ghost to what I decided what I believe. My relationship and obedience to God is more important than my obedience and relationship with the church. LookingHard wrote:Hell – I am finding it hard to just
figure outwhat the church believes – let along believe it all myself. I have come to a bit of peace that I am responsible for what I believe. I will listen to the church’s position, but it comes down to me and the Holy Ghost to what I decided what I believe. My relationship and obedience to God is more important than my obedience and relationship with the church. :thumbup: sue wrote:As far as giving the church room? My response to that would is…wouldn’t i be a hypocrite if i accept one or two things, pretend im okay, and do what i want on the rest? There are many things that church supports that i no longer believe in. I have tried many ways to study this topic and figure out what to do. For example, i dont believe in the 3 degrees of glory anymore. I dont feel there is anything special about temples. These are big issues for me. How can i not believe in these things and still go?
Going back to church causes me some anxiety. For one, I know that as soon as i start going back to sacrament i will be asked to share my testimony. My ward has this habit of calling up people every sunday to share their testimony even if you dont want to. That is a big issue for me. Its an issue because im really not sure of too much right now. I also have some anxiety over being recently released….i know others will want to ask why i was released early (i lost my testimony and didnt want to do it anymore). How do i respond to that?
So if i decide to build my own kingdom…then i won’t have any need for the church? If that is the case i will be in the same boat before i found the church…just studying my scriptures on my own. I wish there was an easier way to figure out how to incorporate the church into my life. I just dont want to feel like im lying to people at church if i do decide to go back. At the same time im a very private person and dont feel the need to explain myself.
The church works great for those for whom it works. It presents a clear “turn key ready” “one size fits all” plan to happiness. If it doesn’t work for you that is ok. It doesn’t mean that you are broken or defective. You have just journeyed to a place where the church isn’t the best fit anymore. What to do about it is the big question. We here at “StayLDS” talk about ways to stay involved in the church, to enjoy the good and best practices to cope with the bad. I feel it would be wrong of me to suggest that the path of the stayer or NOM or middle way Mormon (they are actually as many unique path as there are individuals but for ease of use we shall lump them all together in this sentence) is right for everyone that has a faith crisis.
To put marriage as a metaphore: Some marriages are blissful and seemingly made in heaven. Most marriages require a degree of work, compromise, and forgiveness. Some marriages are not so great but people white knuckle through it for the benefit of the children. Some marriages are very unhealthy and it would have been better for everyone to have ended it a long time ago, Sometimes people leave a pretty good marriage seeking greener pastures and leave a trail of destruction in their wake.
The choice is ultimately up to you after careful consideration of the consequences. We would love for more people to stay and remain associated with our tribe but even more than that we want people to make the best decisions for their individual circumstances.
Roy that was beautiful. Great clarity and love in your words. Amen. Thank you, Roy.
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