For those who stay. Do you still follow all the teachings of the church?

[Anonymous]

JAC wrote:

I’m almost four years into my faith transition. My testimony is very nuanced but I’m ironically more faithful in keeping many of commandments than I was before my transition.

I used to keep the commandments out of duty or to be seen of men. Consequently I lived a double life that was very exhausting to maintain. In secret I consumed porn frequently and bent many of the other rules whenever I thought I could get away with it.

Now I do things because I believe they are right and I’ve spent the time to understand the wisdom in them. I have not consumed porn in 4 years or even entertained a lustful thought – Believe it or not. My charitable contributions and the quality of service I give have increased. I read the scriptures and pray regularly, and have spent more time thinking about God and trying to come to know him.

I think the one thing I can say I slip on now is home teaching. I currently have two families assigned that I don’t feel like are genuine friends despite my best efforts. I have since stopped trying to go because I feel the whole arrangement requires me to be disingenuous. Before I would have just gone and been happy to check off the box so I had 100%.

My temple attendance is currently very infrequent, but it was not frequent before. It used to be because I felt I wasn’t worthy and now I just simply don’t like it.

I have often wondered why I had such a hard time keeping the commandments when I was an orthodox TBM that “knew” it was true. I really feel like I’m a much better person now. Has anyone else had this experience?

Yes, I feel very similarly. My faith is unquestionably stronger than it was in my more orthodox days.

[Anonymous]

JAC wrote:

I’m almost four years into my faith transition. My testimony is very nuanced but I’m ironically more faithful in keeping many of commandments than I was before my transition.

I’m only 4 months into what I feel is my transition period. However, like watercolors, I think that I have always been transitioning my beliefs. The majority of the commandments I keep because a) I believe they are the best principle for that commandment b) I haven’t seen a reason to change it (yet), or I don’t know if/what aspect of it needs to be changed.

JAC wrote:

Now I do things because I believe they are right and I’ve spent the time to understand the wisdom in them.

This

JAC wrote:

I have often wondered why I had such a hard time keeping the commandments when I was an orthodox TBM that “knew” it was true. I really feel like I’m a much better person now.

This

I think the reason I keep the commandments is because I choose to of my own free will and choice after giving it some thought instead of choosing to do so to fulfill someone else’s expectations or perceived expectations. I am keeping commandments because I find value and/or joy/peace from them instead of checking off a checkbox.

[Anonymous]

I think the short answer for many of us here is along the lines of “yes we follow what we consider to be the true teachings of the gospel.”

[Anonymous]

TheSquid wrote:

I have a question for all of you who choose to stay in the church. Do you still follow all the teachings and commandments even if you disagree with them? For example, if you don’t believe the Word of Wisdom, do you still keep it?

I think it is natural when we go through the cognitive dissonance, and have a shift in belief, that we then go back and look at what the commandments mean to us and if the teachings of the church still matter or not.

I think this is part of the journey we go on, and when we choose to stay there are lots of reasons for staying. I think based on how we answer “why we stay” impacts greatly what we do as a person staying and how we stay.

I’ll just throw this out…that for others who lurk or read this site…it shouldn’t be assumed that all on the site choose to stay even if they don’t believe the church anymore. While that may be true for some, it isn’t for all. I would say most of us still believe most of the church, even if we let go of somethings we used to believe. It isn’t an “all or nothing” approach…it is a choice to retain belief in many things, and therefore a sincere desire to follow the gospel principles as we understand them, just like others in the church.

We can shift our faith, and still believe the church is what it is…even that means something different to us now.

I remember years ago really taking inventory of how much the church teaches and the commandments given are totally something I believe in…even if faith shifted. I really found very few things i don’t believe in at church. Very few. And so…i focus on the stuff I do still believe (love your neighbor, and stuff like that). And because of that…there isn’t too much that changes in my behavior as a mormon.

The comparison is our view of christmas. When we get older and find out santa isn’t literal or real…we don’t necessarily stop celebrating christmas or focusing on spreading love and the christmas spirit. We just have a different motive for it, and in some ways, have a deeper application of the traditions and understand why we do it, and so it still motivates us during the holiday season to behave the way we do.

For church: WOW, temple stuff, tithing, callings, service…it is often the same. It can be less about fear, or literal check the box to get into heaven, and more about doing the right things for reasons that really matter in our personal development and growth. As others have said above…it’s impossible to keep all commandments…there is just too much for us all to be perfect in all things. We pick and choose.

So…after a trial of faith, and a choice to stay…we continue (like all other mormons) to apply and keep the the commandments that are purposeful and meaningful to us.

In another thread I shared a quick diagram below…and we may disagree on our perceptions of the circles and sizes…but the point is that perhaps some of the red circle is now outside what we accept as truth or important to the gospel. So maybe we don’t obey or believe those church teachings anymore. But…as the diagram shows…most of the rest of the church circle still fits in nicely with our morals and beliefs…so…we can stay and journey on and be sincere in our faith…not faking it to please family or others…but simply…focusing on the important things at church that matter. And choose to let go of stuff that doesn’t make sense to us. The freedom and personal peace comes from allowing ourselves to pick and choose from the buffet table, even if others warn us that is prideful or justification and say we must accept it all at all costs. We just have to push past those outside pressures of well-meaning saints who don’t know what is going on inside of us, and our experience with our God…what they say is about how they see it. And that is ok.

Overall…there is wisdom to continuing to be obedient to wise words and teachings found in the church. We don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. The good news is the call from the Savior to “Come, follow me”…he isn’t so specific on how exactly we must do that…just that we choose to do it best we can. The rest is detail, to be figured out on an individual level…like keeping the sabbath holy…so many ways to do that…and acceptable in the church for families to choose to live that commandment differently…because it is about our choice on what helps us and how to apply the gospel that matters. But just because I don’t believe polygamy…doesn’t mean I won’t strive to keep the sabbath day holy. We compartmentalize things…and choose the better parts. And as we do…god accepts our sacrifices as we do so with pure intent.

[attachment=0]Gospel and Church Diagram.JPG[/attachment]

[Anonymous]

Roadrunner wrote:

I think the short answer for many of us here is along the lines of “yes we follow what we consider to be the true teachings of the gospel.”

+1

[Anonymous]

I break the Word of Wisdom twice a year — on Thanksgiving and again on Christmas when I have a glass or two of wine. Come temple recommend interview time, I stress out as if I were getting absolutely sloshed, and on a daily basis. With a little bit of a pep talk, I remind myself that it was specifically given “not by commandment,” that Joseph Smith had a glass of wine in Carthage Jail the night before he was martyred, and that Jesus Christ drank wine (NOT grape juice 🙄 ). Then I go into the interview, say I keep the Word of Wisdom (which, in spirit, I do), and when the interview is over, I wonder why I was ever so stressed out about it.

I am “active” in the Church, since I generally attend Sacrament Meeting (except for Fast Sundays, which just push me over the edge). I attend Relief Society once or twice a month, and have a calling as a “Facilitator” in the Self-reliance Initiative the Church is starting to enact in every stake. I watch R-rated movies, but I don’t consider it to be any kind of a “commandment” not to, and I’m pretty open about it. I also vote Democratic most of the time 😮 😯 :shh:, which is probably even a greater sin than my two days of breaking the Word of Wisdom.

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