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Hi! I guess the title is a little dramatic but seems like it is really happening to me and my family. I don’t really know what can be done. I keep thinking ‘there’s a time and season for everything’ as if I just have to wait for this part of my life to pass for things to be different, better.
I’m going to try and make things brief, it is a long story as most stories are, but that means I likely can’t be as tactful as I’d like. I think I get a little blunt and sarcastic too – please excuse that, otherwise I’d turn into a bumbling mess
The missionaries have been told not to contact us and avoid us in the street. We live in a very small town and nearly every day if I go to the shops I see the missionaries walking round. The order has been put out by the Mission Presidency. It is likely because the missionaries dobbed on us after the last time we had them over a month ago. They spieled a commitment to read the scriptures together everyday as a family. I said no. They asked why. I said because we don’t want to, that I wanted to work on other things and issues I had first. Then I told them how inappropriate it was for them to come into my house and ask me to commit to something they think I should do. (Just on a side note – my children and I don’t speak the same language fluently enough to be able to understand a reading of any book together, let alone the scriptures…lol They are four and six and haven’t learnt English that well yet.) Why did I say no? I thought honesty was best. I didn’t want to lie to them and I didn’t want to commit to something that I’d totally fail at. Of course, the missionaries were shocked. I told them what would be better is that we come up with a gospel topic to study for the next time they come over so we can have a discussion about it. I don’t think they really liked that idea. So, the missionaries are not allowed to see us now. They were the only contact we had with the church.
Then we got a call from the 2nd Councilor in the Mission Presidency to come and see us. Eh, no. We really didn’t want him to and so told him so. Apparently, the church doesn’t like being told ‘no’. I guess if you say ‘no” then they think you are not faithful and are difficult. This is where the history comes in. The 2nd pres. is a old friend of the family. The only reason why he comes over is basically to tell us off and say to get over ourselves because we just enjoy being difficult. He is on the families side. Yeah, we have a family war going on and we are apparently the difficult ones causing all the problems. We don’t go to church – the family IS the church apart from a handful of asylum seekers the missionaries have managed to baptize – so we don’t go to avoid fights and problems. We actually thought we were helping by not going, so the spirit can at least be there for the new members, because their is nothing like the tension of ten people in a small should-to-shoulder room who secretly want to hate on each other but pretend that everything is apple pie.
We said ‘no’ to the Pres. coz he basically tries to make us feel guilty for not ‘forgiving’ and having ‘Christ-like charity’ but he doesn’t get why we want to have nothing to do with people who have either participated in, supported by encouraging or looking the other way, or defended the old leader of the branch for decades of child sexual abuse.
The current issue is that I don’t let the grandmother see her grandchildren, my children. But, call me crazy, I can’t, I won’t allow my children to be put in any danger. She allowed and unwittingly encouraged child sexual abuse in her home, and never reported her 2nd husband, the Branch pres., because he was her meal ticket. The church through the Mission pres. has specifically told us not to say anything to anyone, including going to the police (which is state law to report any child sexual abuse) about this controversial issue because likely the church would get expelled from the whole country at worst. I have personally gone to the police to be advised but the law states that only the now adult victims can report the abuse, so I’m not allowed to do it.
So, long story short – Branch pres.for over 20 years commits decades of child sexual abuse with his own children, church children and local children. He is dead now so can’t go to jail (yeah, all this stuff came out a week after he died at age 84) but wife who supported him is being protected by the family and church (she could face a jail sentence if reported on), while the church is saying I’m unreasonable for not allowing the family or the wife/grandmother to have anything to do with my children, because there is still a chance of child sexual abuse in her home. So I’m staying away from church to avoid conflict and try to heal (I feel so deceived by these people – they are of a different nationality to me so for the last ten years I tried to immerse myself in their family and customs to honor them.) What drives me crazy is an autistic man cannot get help to recover from the abuse because the family (and church) won’t admit there is a problem! So, now the new Branch pres. my brother-in-law, is trying to get back my temple recommend saying I am not worthy, because I have a hard heart and can’t forgive. (Firstly, we don’t have a temple in the country I live in, and it is not that I would want to go right now, haven’t broken any covenants, but – the fact that he thinks he can do something like that on his own accord because our mother-in-law wants to hurt me – she pulls the strings in the Branch – is mind blowing.) Forgive? This is not about forgiveness. They have latched onto this forgiveness thing and turned it into THE issue to basically make me out to be the bad guy in all this. NO. This is about the church and family not seeing or accepting that everything I do is about protecting my children from the family feud and potential child sexual abuse. Because of my ‘difficultness’ my children are happy and healthy and bright and active. I have NO guilt or regret for my decision.
But the break from the church, and the church’s illegal command of not reporting abuse to authorities, has started me questioning many things about the church. I am a truthful person, and yes, blunt, but I have been through so much that I don’t care about sugaring anything I say. And therefore the church thinks I am difficult, a problem, and I am not accepted. I find the church only accepts you if you want to be like them, not just in belief but in manner, culture and views. The church doesn’t approve of diversity, not true diversity. They try to preach that they do with such things as different nationalities in their marketing campaigns but it is only a pretense. Whats more, I think my heart is not in the church anymore. I have seen too much child sexual abuse, too much abuse in general, and too much ill advice and too many coverups (personally and while in ‘confidential’ callings) to want to be a part of an organisation like the church.
The thing I do feel sad about is not having a back up, a support, when teaching my children about how to be good people and valuing themselves. I miss all the good people of the church. I know there are a lot of good people in the church that I would want my children to have in their lives. I really believe it takes a community to raise happy and healthy children, and these good people would be wonderful for my children. But those people are in other places of the world, other countries. They are not here where I live. Yeah, moving is NOT an option. But where I live it is a small town (only 20,000) and the bad stuff keeps on popping up at the shops, concerts and events. Every time we ignore a family member for the sake of peace we get called up by the Mission pres. It’s never ending. One day there will be a time when I won’t have to live with this stress. I keep thinking that day will only come when I get my name taken off the records. But I can’t do that. I don’t know why. I guess its that ‘time and season’ thing.
Cheers
There simply is no way to deal properly with that sort of situation. It is an example of the terrible harm one person can do when allowed to continue. If you want to send me a Private Message, I probably can connect you with someone in your country I trust completely. I am sure he would help in any way possible.
Grover, I’ve been through a similar situation in my family. I’m not going to go into a lot of details here. Be careful with the emotion of anger. I felt very justified in my anger. Over time it seemed to eat me up
inside spiritually. It does take time to work through. I didn’t have the problems you described with the Church.
If you want to communicate more through private messages, please let me know.
I wish you & your family the very best.
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