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Hello, I am at a loss as to what to do concerning my marriage and my faith. You see, my husband has left the church and hates it telling me of his new found faith and how Mormonism is a lie. He won’t allow me to attend church and threatens me with divorce if I go.We’ve been married 38 yrs and raised two children together and have 6 grandchildren. I suffer from anxiety now and I haven’t worked in 12 years due to other health issues. I live in constant fear of saying something wrong and cry everday. I think of how our marriage has turned out and all the plans we once had for when we reached this time after raising our family. I need some peace in my life and it has gotten to the point that I pray every night for the Lord to call me home. This is no way for anyone to have to live. I no longer have any feelings for my husband as he has taken them from me. We live together now out of convenience and nothing more. We have no contact with our two children and neither one lives near us. We don’t even know where our son lives and haven’t talked to him in over two years. I have no family I can turn to, as I lost my oldest brother just over 2 years ago from a major stroke and my parents have passed on as well. I am alone in the world other than for the Lord. He is all I have now to turn to but, and please don’t take this wrong; I love the Lord but it’s not like He’s right here and I can reach out and touch him and have him wrap his arms around me.
Thank you for taking time to read my message. May the Lord bless you and help you with whatever problems you are facing.
I feel for you, deeply – and I pray that you can find peace somehow. At the most practical level, this question is jumping ahead slightly, but:
Do you have any friends who will take you in and help you if you are on your own? Is there any way to separate from your husband at least temporarily while you reach a personal decision as to how to proceed?
Also, I have sent you a Personal Message. Please respond whenever you can.
Thanks for sharing your story. I don’t have magic answers, but I know that counseling and proper medications can help anxiety a lot. I have a bit of anxiety myself and it runs in my family.
It is very sad when people hold economic power (the threat of divorce) over others. How bad would a divorce be? It might be emancipating. My other question, and forgive my boldness, is whether you are suffering from mental or physical abuse as well. I don’t want to read anything into your situation that isn’t there, but a lot times when spouses are controlling, there are other issues as well. If that isn’t the case, forgive me. If that is the case, there are resources to help, and you are a child of God and deserve dignity and respect.
Any chance of getting your husband in for some couples’ counseling? Perhaps a professional could help your husband see that it’s not right to deny you the right to pursue your faith….and it may help you to see where he is coming from.
There’s probably a middle ground that could be reached somewhere that might allow feelings for each other to return.
I’m no pro…so I don’t know. (catchy huh?)
May God bless you and yours.
Hello mustangsally91, Welcome. I am so very sorry that you are experiencing this. My husband no longer believes, but he does not try to keep me from my faith. He is supportive, just like I was of him while he was going through his disaffection. Have you spoken to your bishop? I pay my fast offerings every month for the very purpose of helping people just like you. If you need support, and have no family to turn to, the church should be your next lifeline.
Take care!
Mustangsally, I can only echo what the others have said…but I want you to know I’m so sorry this has happened and I’m praying for you. God bless.
Hi mustangsally91″ I am so sorry that you feel so hopeless. You need a hug! It is a terrible shame that you are not getting to church where you can be with people that can show you some compassion.
What Is your husband doing to stop you going to church? Is it just the threat of divorce or is he using physical force to stop you from going? Can you get a lift from another member and just have them turn up for you one sunday?
Obviously I don’t know the inns and outs of your situation, but If you are unhappy with your husband could you allow him to carry out his threat of divorce? If HE leaves you, you will initially have somewhere to live without you having to find somewhere to go. You then would be able to attend church and build up a life for yourself. Perhaps once you are in a better place emotionally you could then reconcile with your husband.
My thoughts are with you.
My prayers and my thoughts go out to you also, as others have expressed. Your situation is not how things are supposed to end up, according to how we like to believe that living the principles and teachings of Christ will lead to peace and joy. I hope you find the strength to do what you need to do in your situation. I think God can give you greater strength to meet the demands of your situation and help you find peace. Free agency is a God-given gift, and others can’t take that away from you, despite it seeming like you have no choices or options. You still have free agency to choose what to do. But you have to be brave and full of faith to act.
It sounds like from your brief explanation of your difficult situation that this did not all happen over night. Over the years, you’ve lost touch with children and families and your husband’s issues have likely build up over time as well to get to where you are now (not implying any fault on any part, simply stating the time line of things). So there is probably not a quick solution or magic pill to fix it all either.
Try not to focus on all the things that scare you about the situation, or try to solve why this is happening…life just happens sometimes and we are required to work through it, and to grow from working through it.
I think you need to try to think of what your options are and start taking one step at a time. Work on loving your husband as much as possible, but always with integrity that you love yourself and are true to your needs also. Try to rebuild relationships with family and friends, and have faith that if things do require drastic changes in your life…you can find a way to make that work. Relationships are investments and take time to build and nurture, including relationships with God, but the returns on those investments are feeling loved and loving others and that is usually what we want. Because they take time, sometimes you need to prepare for real-world needs to providing for yourself and taking care of yourself in the mean time. It can be overwhelming. Just take one thing at a time, small steps, but keep trying to find what you need in your situation and how to make it happen.
God bless you.
Dear Mustang Sally, I am a social worker, and I think I have an answer for you. What your husband is doing is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. You can go to a domestic violence shelter where you can stay as they help you get on your feet so you can start a new life. These places are clean, safe and very supportive. I know; I managed one for awhile. I don’t know where you live, but you can go to
http://www.superpages.com and search for domestic violence shelters. You can also try calling your local YWCA; they should know where to find one. But PLEASE do NOT tell yourself this isn’t abuse! I suspect your husband has been doing things like this for 38 years, and this might explain why you don’t see your children. And don’t threaten to leave him; just do it.Best of luck to you!
Marlene (TheHailstorm’s wife)
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