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Ann wrote:
I’m curious whether you’ve had a conversation about garments, or if it just happened. I’m not saying you should, but a lot of emotion and resentment went into my decision to not wear them all the time and sometimes I want to explain myself more. Beyond the short, initial conversation, we haven’t actually talked about it much. On the other hand, I like that he doesn’t seem to think it’s really his business, and his understanding has been a huge plus.
This is a really good question, and I can see why you would ask it. I absolutely and compeltely know why my wife no longer wears garments. I am not going to talk about it here, but she has her reasons and I’ll leave it at that. We have actually talked about it at great length. One of the things we have going for us right now is that we absolutely talk about EVERYTHING. We have zero secrets and we are completely and openly honest with eachother. If there is even a hint of something bothering either of us, we talk about it. We refuse to let it fester and grow between us.
There are some wonderful threads in our archives about the garment – and some of them have been extremely open and wide-ranging. Not saying you should read them, since it looks like you and your wife aren’t struggling with the issue, but any other new people or lurkers might want to search for them.
Comparing ourselves to others is a source of much anguish. I suggest you give it up and all your wife to give it up too. I get that it may not feel fair. I am sure that it is not fair. Life is not about fair. It is about growing. Let the light of Christ bring peace into your heart and that of your wife. May the assurance that ultimately we all get more mercy that we deserve and that justice will be satisfied.
Peace and Strength are available to us all.
AZGuy, does your wife WANT to attend those temple events? It seems to me that’s the better question. If she wants to go she can easily put on a pair of garments and refrain from drinking long enough to honestly answer a few questions.
As far as handling dumb comments from relatives, I would smile and say you love your wife and support her agency. Also, attendance at family temple ceremonies isn’t required for any sort of exaltation, but rather a church culture tradition. Your wife already did the temple part that we believe she needs to do.
If she wants to go to be supportive of family, she can go easily enough. See the many threads on temple recommendation questions for more info.
That’s my opinion.
Cnsl1, I suppose that depends on many variables. The biggest one is how she feels. She might not feel comfortable answering questions in the affirmative while knowing that the interviewer is going to interpret that answer differently than she intends. She may not feel comfortable putting “on a pair of garments and refrain from drinking long enough to honestly answer a few questions” unless she is prepared to permanently go back to that lifestyle.
If the bishop is aware of any of her faith crisis then he might ask more probing questions than is standard.
Tithing is currently the only thing keeping me from a TR. My bishop has warned me several times that I should not expect to become tithing compliant a few short months before a family temple event and think that I will be able to attend.
Like I said – variables abound.
:crazy: Good points, Roy. It’s not necessarily as simple as I indicated, but wanted to mention that it might be easier than people might think if your goal is to maintain family relations and support other family members. Integrity and honesty are important, but if someone no longer believes but isn’t ready to cause family and community discord in order to stick to their new beliefs, is it ever acceptable to “play the game” to stay eligible?
I guess that’s a personal decision. I don’t know.
There are some very good discussions on this forum regarding the temple rec questions, and how staylds forum members have answered them honestly–maintaining peace AND personal integrity.
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