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I keep getting hassled on both ends of the spectrum. Home teachers always wanting to come over and read me the articles from the Ensign I could just read online. Church leaders, etc, hassling me about my “numbers”. I seriously hide from the EQ pres at church so he doesn’t ask me about it. I’ve tried it, don’t have faith in the program and don’t want to participate but the EQ leaders won’t take the hint. Any ideas? Has anyone every tried to opt out? Did it go well? You could try some boundary setting. I would ask the EQ President to to put you on a quarterly phone call list just to see how it’s going. They can count contacts like this, I hear. The EQ’s report has a list of all the people who haven’t been home taught in the last three months — so, this would represent minimum participation to keep your EQ president out of hot water and keep the HT’s from feeling frustrated, and keep you from feeling frustrated with the HT. Perhaps others could help you come up with reasonable reasons for this? You could make it vague that you’ve already read the Ensign article, and that the whole experience isn’t really connecting with your family — regardless of who the HT is. Or, you could just indicate that the phone call is the level of contact you want and you would appreciate it if the EQ President could just accept that at face value…I don’t know….some brainstorming might be in order. Regarding actually DOING HT as a home teacher. That’s harder. I tried to get out of it when I was a university student, and it’s never met with any kind of approval or favor. The EQ presidency gets ticked off, you get labelled as a half-miler, and get assigned to the Bishop or a leader in the ward — people get all judgmental. So, instead, I would keep the assignment, and drop something off at their houses later in the evening and call that a visit. I had a quorum member that did that when I was an HPGL. If they get their backs up, then indicate the D&C says that all you have to do is visit their home. It doesn’t say you have to literally go in. And the CHI isn’t doctrine; the scriptures are.
I do think it’s important to have a HT assignment so there is a buffer between the families and the EQ President though — in the case of emergencies. The guy’s probably worn out from being a leader and trying to hold down a job, be a husband and maybe a Dad. I also think it’s good to be available in case the family has a bona fide emergency. I don’t mind HT like that.
That’s my two cents.
Isn’t home teaching a calling you have to accept? I just got assigned a few families a couple months ago. Not to hijack the thread, but I feel like I’d be a liar going in their home to teach them. I’d rather mow their lawn to show that I like them….or let their kids play with mine at the park. Yes, it’s a calling that everyone is supposed to do, although I found that only the most committed brethren actually bother to do it in my Ward. Nothing’s stopping you from making your home teaching a visit with the family, or an act of service though. Quote:I’d rather mow their lawn to show that I like them….or let their kids play with mine at the park.
So do that – and just talk about life with them.
My dad home taught a man even after the wards divided and they ended up in different wards- since my dad was the only one that man would allow to visit. They sat on the porch and talked about family and how the man was doing – except for the times my dad had to visit with him in the local bar.
To me, the really important part is that you are their first point of contact if they need help. You are their friend in need. That’s really the gist of the program, and its benefit. The rest is just window dressing. Once again we are on the same page here, brown. Want to get married? I sometimes really wish the HT program would just go away, at least the way it’s currently instituted. I don’t want or need people to visit me, and I wish I could just opt out of that without getting everyone all upset. I don’t like having a ‘companion’. If I wanted to have a ‘companion’, I’d go be a missionary somewhere. Or if it was a case of propriety, I’d just take my wife with me. I’m much better one-on-one. I really don’t feel comfortable going to other people’s homes and reading stuff to them from the ensign that I might or might not agree with. I hate feeling like I have to push myself on other people in order to be able to report success to my priesthood leader, when they clearly would rather I not come by. I enjoy opportunities to serve, when it’s wanted, and try to make that the primary focus of my ‘home teaching’ visits. Do you lose your TR if you won’t do home teaching? I am pretty close to just coming clean and telling them to remove my assignments. I mean they know I haven’t HT in over a year. Brown wrote:Do you lose your TR if you won’t do home teaching? I am pretty close to just coming clean and telling them to remove my assignments. I mean they know I haven’t HT in over a year.
The predominant school of thought I’ve seen is that no, they won’t remove your TR if you refuse to do home teaching. How do I know this? About 2 years ago I was really frustrated with the Stake drilling down on me as a ward priesthood holder about home teaching, but our brethren unwilling to do it in spite of my pleading, PPI’s, catering to their wishes on easy assignments — you name it. In our PEC meeting, our Bishop said he’s “revoked temple recommends over it”. Our member of the SP said the same thing if someone hadn’t done their HT three months in a row.
However, when push came to shove, the Bishop didn’t have the fortitude to actually do anything about it. He mentioned that one woman came in for a TR recommend and when he said he wasn’t going to reissue it because she refused to do visiting teaching, “she left crying”. That was his statement to me that he wasn’t going to lift a finger any more.
However, in the same meeting with me, he said to tell the brethren that if they don’t do their home teaching, they aren’t supporting the Bishop, which was a thinly veiled reference to the TR question about supporting your local leaders. But he never did anything about the reluctant brethren. We had members of our quorum who never did it, for decades on end I heard.
Also, I’ve heard that they can’t tack stuff on to the questions. However, you never know what a frustrated priesthood leader might do at some point in your own locale.
George, who posts here, said he told the Bishop the same thing you’re thinking of — that he wasn’t doing it anymore. He might have some perspective on this.
On the other hand, I still do my home teaching pretty well because I do believe it’s important to be there for the families when they have problems. They all rely on me for blessings and sometimes service that is meaningful. I never give a lesson unless they want it, or I feel I’ve heard something they might agree with — like the Concern for the One talk by Elder Wirthlin. Also, think about your priesthood leaders. Although HT is frustrating from your perspective, it’s REALLY frustrating from the perspective of a priesthood leader who will end up fielding all the requests for help from your families after you give them up. It’s good to be there for them if they need a hand, even if you simply make token drop-off gifts at the door when they aren’t home once every three months. Being there as a buffer between the priesthood leaders and the Bishop is a great act of service to those leaders.
I share this only because I found my last term as HPGL very hard due to problems juggling so many responsibilities and having so little help — even casual help — from brethren who were sick of home teaching. I would be thrilled if they just kept the families as a buffer on my time and stayed off the “no home teaching for three months” list.
Another month, another guilt trip email. This time implying I am letting my HF down. HF is a big boy. He can handle a little disappointment. If you make the baby Jesus cry, then it’s really serious. It doesn’t sound like it’s gone that far yet though.
Brown wrote:Another month, another guilt trip email. This time implying I am letting my HF down.
IN the last few weeks, whenever I hear someone say “this is something
HFwants you to do”, I inadvertently substitute “I” for HF. So, as if the leader is saying “Hometeaching is something Iwant you to do”, or “You are letting me down”. Unless of course, I feel there is strong inspiration or indication God has literally asked me to do something. Brian Johnston wrote:HF is a big boy. He can handle a little disappointment.
If you make the baby Jesus cry, then it’s really serious. It doesn’t sound like it’s gone that far yet though.
😆 Sounds like your leader doesn’t know how to deal with people in your situation, so he’s resorting to guilt tripping. Maybe he was a Catholic or Jewish mother in a previous life.
Old-Timer wrote:Sounds like your leader doesn’t know how to deal with people in your situation, so he’s resorting to guilt tripping.
Maybe he was a Catholic or Jewish mother in a previous life.
I think I was that priesthood leader at one point in my life, although I never actually laid on the guilt trip. But I thought it a million times. I think the key is to realize the poor guy’s been placed in a situation where he has to achieve a really hard goal that is unrealistic in most wards. I would do your best to support him in even some minimal way, out of empathy for the guy until he comes to his own, more accepting and peaceful philosophy.
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