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Hello, everyone. I guess there are three reasons I want to stay LDS: 1) I’ve had good spiritual experiences in my time in the Church, and it’s really the only place that’s happened. I’ve been enlightened by other ideas and practices, but never before I found Mormonism and never without its influence. I feel that giving up on the Church would be giving up on that. Maybe for others it wouldn’t be, but I think it would be for me.
2) There are people in my life with whom relationships would be compromised if I were to walk away from the Church. I know that’s not an ideal situation, but it’s real. Honestly, there are ideologies or ideas that I sort of expect people to have as well, so it’s probably fair enough for others to do the same thing. I don’t think relationships should depend on any particular philosophical or religious commitments, but in practice, we’re usually attracted to people who see things in a way that we find favorable or at least acceptable. So there are folks in my life who can live with me as a buffet Mormon, but who would feel alienated if I dumped it altogether. I value those relationships, so I’m willing to try with that in mind.
3) I believe it’s important to make the things that are important in your life visible and conspicuous, not to others, but to yourself. If you have to go to work every day, your career is in your face and you have to confront it. If you’re married, you see your spouse every day and you have to deal with that. On the other hand, your faith or spirituality isn’t necessarily visible unless you do something to put it on the table. Mormonism, if nothing else, is good at doing that.
I’m already pretty good at pretending when that’s necessary. Basically, I’m here to talk with likeminded folks who struggle with the same issues I do. Also, I’d like to be able to pretend when I have to, be honest when I can, and be mature enough to be at peace with all of that.
I really like your number 3. I think it’s fresh and true. I think pretending can really hurt other people. For that reason, I don’t support it as a goal. If your heartfelt beliefs are good enough for you, they should be good enough for others, and you need to share in the most loving and effective way possible.
Tom
I like your mixture of spiritual and practical, especially the practical realities you are observing. That seems very level-headed and comfortable. I’m glad the people you care about can handle the buffet approach. It really doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Welcome. More than anything else, I really like the way you have worded your perspective and your approach.
Welcome Gabe, I can certainly relate to your perspective – glad you found us! I’m also here maily for interesting discussions with like minded folk. My personal twist on “pretending” is that I don’t take responsibility for other people’s understanding. I don’t want to mislead them, but I also don’t feel a need to root out and correct any misunderstandings that may exist. I am learning to talk in terms that are familiar to the traditional view, and what I say I mean honestly. If someone has a personal definition that differs from my own, so be it. We all operate according to our own understanding – and as Joseph Smith said: “it does not prove that a man is a bad man because he errs in doctrine.” That to me means I need to forgive the short-sightedness in others as much as I expect them to forgive me. Thanks for all the kind words. I’m not sure how I feel about pretending either. I know I don’t like it. I also know that it’s a really hard thing for people to be confronted constantly with a critical vision that could be seen as undermining faith. I certainly wouldn’t want to do something that could make another less happy or content, even if I’m more “correct” than they are. So, I want to be honest, but I also know that weighty spiritual discussions can’t go on constantly, particularly with folks who really just wanted to say hello and have a warm fuzzy on a Sunday. So I hope pretending isn’t my ultimate goal, but I’m not sure I’ve figured out how I can avoid it. Gabe, please read my post entitled “If You Want to Be Understood and Loved By Others”. It was written specifically about how to handle not being able to express all your beliefs openly with all. Ray, great post. I really enjoyed it.
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