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Thank you, and I’m sorry you’re also struggling with this 
“I think that it’s really hard for people to understand that it has so much more to do with how we feel than what we actually look like” This is so important. I don’t think many people understand this unless they have been there. I certainly don’t think men understand this. I also liked Ray’s suggestions, and I’m glad your fiance is on the same page with you. Ultimately, your own commitments are what’s important. Find a way to make room in your life for the sacred, but you can make the adaptations you need to make so that it is not going to affect you adversely.
Quote:It would be great to continue working on adaptation or slowly working your way into more full observance. But YOU are more important than the garments.
I just want to add an “Amen!” to what Brian wrote. The garment was made for men and women, not men and women for the garment.
This is going WAY out into the hinterlands of heterodoxy, but I personally wouldn’t have a problem with sewing the symbols onto the inside of our regular clothing – bras, shirts, pants, shorts, etc. and doing away with the garment as a separate piece of clothing. I’m not about to advocate that, for multiple reasons, and I won’t do it for myself, since I personally am fine wearing the garment as is, but it’s the symbolism that counts, imo – so I am open to just about anything that retains that symbolism, especially in cases like yours.
HSAB, I too am on a road to recovery from an eating disorder. I have managed to maintain my weight restoration for the past year and a half. The garments are pretty triggering for me as well. I feel self conscious about the way I look and it certainly does not help having two waist lines. For me I keep wearing the garments mainly because I like the symbolism. I also find it really comforting to wear the garments. I was endowed during the worst point of my eating disorder and maybe the garments had nothing to do with it but I found some protection while I was trying to get myself out of hell. Right now I keep wearing the garments mainly because of habit and because for me I know that I need to keep doing uncomfortable things that are triggering in order to achieve a full recovery. I am not sure if this was helpful, but if you have any other questions for me I would be happy to help you out.
Old-Timer wrote:Quote:It would be great to continue working on adaptation or slowly working your way into more full observance. But YOU are more important than the garments.
I just want to add an “Amen!” to what Brian wrote. The garment was made for men and women, not men and women for the garment.
This is going WAY out into the hinterlands of heterodoxy, but I personally wouldn’t have a problem with sewing the symbols onto the inside of our regular clothing – bras, shirts, pants, shorts, etc. and doing away with the garment as a separate piece of clothing. I’m not about to advocate that, for multiple reasons, and I won’t do it for myself, since I personally am fine wearing the garment as is, but it’s the symbolism that counts, imo – so I am open to just about anything that retains that symbolism, especially in cases like yours.
that goes beyond even my level of unorthodoxy…wow…I have recently begun wearing my garments again. Currently, only on Sunday. I wanted to see if I felt anymore inspired about the gospel, etc. It hasn’t happened yet.
I have come to the conclusion that wearing garments are only an outward sign.
And not necessarily a spiritual experience by itself.
Mike from Milton.
Mike wrote:I have recently begun wearing my garments again. Currently, only on Sunday.
I wanted to see if I felt anymore inspired about the gospel, etc. It hasn’t happened yet.
I have come to the conclusion that wearing garments are only an outward sign.And not necessarily a spiritual experience by itself.
Mike from Milton.
-like-Old-Timer wrote:Quote:
This is going WAY out into the hinterlands of heterodoxy, but I personally wouldn’t have a problem with sewing the symbols onto the inside of our regular clothing – bras, shirts, pants, shorts, etc. and doing away with the garment as a separate piece of clothing. I’m not about to advocate that, for multiple reasons, and I won’t do it for myself, since I personally am fine wearing the garment as is, but it’s the symbolism that counts, imo – so I am open to just about anything that retains that symbolism, especially in cases like yours.I was actually talking to a friend of mine who said she’s thinking about doing that. I think it’s actually not a bad idea, in general it makes a lot of sense to me.
red1988 wrote:HSAB,
I too am on a road to recovery from an eating disorder. I have managed to maintain my weight restoration for the past year and a half. The garments are pretty triggering for me as well. I feel self conscious about the way I look and it certainly does not help having two waist lines. For me I keep wearing the garments mainly because I like the symbolism. I also find it really comforting to wear the garments. I was endowed during the worst point of my eating disorder and maybe the garments had nothing to do with it but I found some protection while I was trying to get myself out of hell. Right now I keep wearing the garments mainly because of habit and because for me I know that I need to keep doing uncomfortable things that are triggering in order to achieve a full recovery. I am not sure if this was helpful, but if you have any other questions for me I would be happy to help you out.
Good for you! It is so hard, but a year and a half is really good! I’m glad that you find it comforting to wear the garments, hopefully it will keep getting better for you.
So, this is going to be somewhat of a rant. I have my good days and my bad with this issue 
Quote:It’s also difficult for me to see how a loving Heavenly Father could require something that makes us feel this way.
He doesn’t require “us” to do things that make “us” feel that way – but, if you accept his existence and the foundation of communal rules in any way, he does require some people to do things that aren’t “ideal” for those people. There’s no way to have communal laws, rules, regulations, suggestions, cultural practices, etc. that are going to be “right” for everyone. They are approximations of what works generally for the good of the collective group.
That’s an important, even critical, distinction – and it’s vital to understand it. “We” don’t get everything that would be “ideal” for “us” when we agree to be part of any group. An essential part of learning charity – true charity – is acceptance of that fact. The key is to step back a bit, see the benefit for the collective group, make whatever sacrifices are possible for the group, make individual adjustments and adaptations that are important and
find peace in that balance between serving the collective good and honoring what is vital to the self. It’s not easy – this embrace of paradox and complexity. Simple extremes are easier – but they also are more destructive. Worship according to the dictates of your own conscience, but find a way to do it within the community you choose as your own. It might take a while, but it’s worth it in the end – since the faith you carve out will be your own, and it will allow you to continue being an active part of your own tribe, so to speak.
Thanks, I really like that. Quote:that goes beyond even my level of unorthodoxy…wow…
I’m more out there than wayfarer. Who’d a thunk it?
😆 :wtf: 😮 Actually, this is a good example of what I mean when I talk about carving out one’s own faith. With regard to many things, I’m quite orthodox – especially compared to many here. With other things, I’m solidly average in this forum. With some things, however, I’m a bit out there – even compared to people here. In a few areas, I’m WAY out there – even in this group and certainly in my regular ward.
What does that mean? That I am my own “I am”. I’m me – and I’m cool with that. I’m at peace, specifically because I’ve discovered me – and I’ve found a way to be that “I am” among the group I want to call my own “our us”. Sure, some of that peace is due to the fact that I don’t preach my heterodoxy fully when “I am” is with “our us” – but that’s just because I don’t want to rock anyone else’s world by making mine collide with theirs.
We can orbit around each other in close enough proximity to dance a good dance without me insisting on invading their spaces and causing a Big Bang, so to speak.
Ray, there may be times when the price to be part of the group is not worth the benefits one is feeling or even wanting from it, and God doesn’t require we stay, He just teaches us we don’t get the benefits without paying the price. But being apart from the group is an option for some, and God allows that too. Would you agree with how I put that?
Absolutely – and I hope it never sounds like I believe otherwise. Each person has to make the best decision she can, according to the dictates of her own conscience. I have not dealt with body image or significant weight problems, and, from that different starting point, would still agree with the comments about the garment. Particularly the bottom portion. And saying – sort of on the sly because the temple recommend question asks whether you wear it day and night – “Well, just put on something else when you want to be intimate” misses the whole mechanism by which women BECOME INTERESTED in being intimate. I resent being told that the solution to how thorough-goingly unattractive I feel all day is to flip a switch, remove something I’ve promised to wear, and put on something else. I wish I could be taught a correct principle – and I do believe that men and women should be eager to understand each other, and are both responsible to maintain modesty and create intimacy – and govern myself.
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