Getting Incorrect Answers to Prayers

[Anonymous]

What SilentDawning said.

Ditto to every single word.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. I can think of one in the temple regarding a girl that was a friend of mine I was interested in. I had what I thought were strong spiritual feelings about eventually dating and marrying her in the temple. Unfortunately, I ended up giving her a Valentine’s Day card that was too strong and it scared her away. She married someone else, but everything is okay between me and her.

Holland’s story made me wonder if he got an incorrect answer his prayer or if the Holy Spirit led him down that wrong road. Hmm. Sigh. We’ll never know. :wtf:

[Anonymous]

Ilovechrist77 wrote:

Yeah. I can think of one in the temple regarding a girl that was a friend of mine I was interested in. I had what I thought were strong spiritual feelings about eventually dating and marrying her in the temple. Unfortunately, I ended up giving her a Valentine’s Day card that was too strong and it scared her away. She married someone else, but everything is okay between me and her.

Holland’s story made me wonder if he got an incorrect answer his prayer or if the Holy Spirit led him down that wrong road. Hmm. Sigh. We’ll never know. :wtf:

I thought it was more of a case of Elder Holland hearing too many stories of folks saying their faith crisis started with prayers going wrong. So he had to figure out a nice story that says, “If the formula doesn’t work, then look for another way to look at it – just don’t leave.”

[Anonymous]

Always Thinking wrote:

Have any of you ever gotten incorrect answers to prayers when you were so sure that you got the correct answer?

I had this happen once and it was a devastating experience. It was over 25 years ago. After years of trying, my sister and her husband finally came to grips with the fact that they would not be able to have their own biological children. They decided to adopt, and for various reasons, an overseas adoption seemed to make more sense to them than anything else. (They weren’t active in the Church and so an LDS-assisted adoption was out of the question.) I won’t even try to tell you about their horrible roller coaster ride overseas adoptions can be. After an adoption from India fell through six weeks before it was to take place, they started working on getting a child from Morocco. In order to get a Moroccan child, they would have to go to Morocco and establish residence there (just for 30 days), after which time they could have their pick of the children in the orphanage. They’d been working through the agency for quite some time and had waited and waited and waited to hear that news that they were finally at the top of the list. Finally, just days before Thanksgiving, they got the news. They were so excited. Their trip was all we talked about over Thanksgiving dinner. Their bags were pretty much packed and they were ready to leave two days later.

The day after Thanksgiving, my sister called me with the news that there was a new person in the Moroccan government who was over the orphanage and had the authority to personally set all policies regarding adoptions outside of the country. He’d decided that no more kids were going to be adopted out of the country. Period. His decision was final. (Of course, he could be replaced, but that’s what it would take for a change to happen.) To say that my sister was devastated would be an understatement. I was sure she was going to end up having a complete nervous breakdown. She was simply inconsolable. For a few days, she continued to get news from Morocco, but it wasn’t encouraging. FInally, they just said, “Sorry, you’ll have to look elsewhere.” I’m a pretty impatient person when it comes to stuff like this, and I started calling my sister every day to see if she’s heard anything new. Finally, she just told me that I needed to realize that it could be months if not years before they were able to adopt and that she’d let me know when things changed.

At that point, all I could do was pray. I wanted her and her husband to have children more than anything. I had two of my own, and I knew what this would mean to her. I prayed every single day for a miracle. I begged the Lord to let her get a child soon. She was 38 at the time and things weren’t looking good. One night, my husband and I had just gotten home from a movie and were getting ready for bed. I hadn’t said my prayers yet that night, and I was actually thinking about the movie, not about my sister. All of a sudden, from literally out of nowhere, I felt the Lord speaking to me through the Holy Ghost. I didn’t hear any audible words, but the message which penetrated my mind and heart was as clear as if my husband, standing there in the room next to me, had said it. “You can stop worrying now. Things have been resolved in Morocco and your sister will be going there within a month to adopt a child.” For the first time in my life, I felt that warm glow envelop me, the one people talk about getting when they know they have been the recipient of a very important spiritual message. It was the whole “burning in the bosom” bit. I felt completely at peace. All of the anxiety and stress I’d felt over the past several months left me instantaneously. I knew for sure that I’d received an answer to my prayer. I wasn’t 99.9999% sure; I was 100% sure. I didn’t say a word to my sister. I just stopped worrying about it. There was absolutely no doubt whatsoever in my mind that my prayers had been answered, and in a very specific way. Well, a month passed. Two, three, four months passed. My sister eventually was able to adopt from within the US, but it wasn’t for a very long time. The Moroccan adoption and the answer to my prayers had been nothing more than a trick my brain played on me.

I have never gotten over this. Every time I receive an answer to a prayer (i.e. a prayer for guidance or wisdom, etc.) I wonder if it’s really an answer from the Lord. I don’t know if I just don’t know how to discern when it’s the Spirit speaking to me or what, but it has been one of the greatest challenges to my faith.

[Anonymous]

I felt God’s presence when my daughter was diagnosed with a heart condition. I felt held by God when I heard the mortality rate was 50%. After surgery, when her heart stopped in ICU, I knew she would survive .. And she did. I felt God’s presence through all of it.

She did so well. Her surgeons were so pleased. We were all so hopeful.

And then she died suddenly and unexpectedly. We buried her next to her sisters. It was horrible.

I lost my trust in God that day. Not belief. Not faith. I lost trust. I have never re-gained it.

[Anonymous]

And aren’t people wonderful about coming up with reasons why it happened, which make it all better? To me they are platitudes…God’s rules are mysterious, and it’s a crap shoot whether the feelings we have, which we consider answers to prayer, are really inspiration or just self-delusions.

[Anonymous]

First is a note that this article was written by Matthew Holland. He appears To be the son of JRH.

Quote:

Matthew Holland is a member of the Oak Hills Fourth Ward, Utah Oak Hills Stake.

JRH’s version of this same story can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNQC-_srxH8

I agree that people are great at imagining a divine purpose for their hardship. The Willie & Martin handcart companies are great examples. Some of those that survived rationalized that the entire ordeal was Gods way of weeding out the wheat from the chafe and cementing those to the gospel.

[Anonymous]

amateurparent wrote:

I felt God’s presence when my daughter was diagnosed with a heart condition. I felt held by God when I heard the mortality rate was 50%. After surgery, when her heart stopped in ICU, I knew she would survive .. And she did. I felt God’s presence through all of it.

She did so well. Her surgeons were so pleased. We were all so hopeful.

And then she died suddenly and unexpectedly. We buried her next to her sisters. It was horrible.

I lost my trust in God that day. Not belief. Not faith. I lost trust. I have never re-gained it.

And I thought my experience was earth-shattering. I can definitely understand why you have never been able to regain your trust in God. I basically do trust that He knows what He’s doing with my life, but I am very hesitant in asking Him for guidance, direction or wisdom.

[Anonymous]

amateurparent wrote:

I felt God’s presence when my daughter was diagnosed with a heart condition. I felt held by God when I heard the mortality rate was 50%. After surgery, when her heart stopped in ICU, I knew she would survive .. And she did. I felt God’s presence through all of it.

She did so well. Her surgeons were so pleased. We were all so hopeful.

And then she died suddenly and unexpectedly. We buried her next to her sisters. It was horrible.

I lost my trust in God that day. Not belief. Not faith. I lost trust. I have never re-gained it.

I am sorry for your loses. I can’t even imagine going through what you’ve experienced. As I’ve tried to say in other posts:

Here are somethings that I firmly believe now. (after a long period of time.)

1. This life is hard. It was designed that way.

2. There are no guarantees that God will answer my prayers.

3. There are times when I must work things out for myself.

4. God will confirm if I’m right or wrong.

5. The answers may come over a long time period. I must be patient.

I have had a hard time with prayer since my own FC.

So my prayers have changed from asking & expecting blessings to help me learn from this experience.

And, thank you for the blessing I’ve been given.

The only advice I can give is: Never say never. Leave your life open for the possibility that God will reveal himself.

Have you participated in any support groups for parents in your situation?

I can see where you could be a GREAT help to anyone else going through a similar experience.

[Anonymous]

Minyan Man:

I have done support groups and I am published.

My dad died very recently, so it has been more on my mind, but my father’s death was a sadness and not a tragedy.

I don’t look for advice on grief. Grief is something I am somewhat of an expert at. I know how to move on. I do that every day. Weirdly, loss of my children is something I rarely discuss in my daily life. It comes up in church discussions. Dealing with those losses has been a significant part of my spiritual journey. On every level, within the church, when I listen to a leader talk, I listen with a bereaved mother’s ears. When things are stated that attempt to diminish feelings or losses, I quickly lose respect for those leaders. It is the lens through which I see.

The LDS faith is a young church that focuses on the joys of youth. They do not yet have strong traditions for dealing with tragedy and death.

The Church puts so much emphasis on prayer, guidance, and “feelings”. I am still trying to figure out how to trust God and feelings. “Can I trust God?” is the question. “How can I not?” is the unsatisfactory answer.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree when you say:

Quote:

When things are stated that attempt to diminish feelings or losses, I quickly lose respect for those leaders. It is the lens through which I see.

I believe that we need to recognize our feelings when they come to us.

[Anonymous]

amateurparent wrote:

The Church puts so much emphasis on prayer, guidance, and “feelings”. I am still trying to figure out how to trust God and feelings. “Can I trust God?” is the question. “How can I not?” is the unsatisfactory answer.

I struggle with this all the time. The question for me has become “Can I trust my feelings are from God?”

[Anonymous]

Quote:

The LDS faith is a young church that focuses on the joys of youth.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

amateurparent wrote:

On every level, within the church, when I listen to a leader talk, I listen with a bereaved mother’s ears. When things are stated that attempt to diminish feelings or losses, I quickly lose respect for those leaders. It is the lens through which I see. The LDS faith is a young church that focuses on the joys of youth. They do not yet have strong traditions for dealing with tragedy and death.

I agree AP. I am very sorry that you have become an expert on this topic. I wish you could be blissfully ignorant as so many people seem to be.

I remember a GC talk where the speaker talked about losing one of his children in death. He said something to the effect that his family does not feel whole – they will not be fully well again until the millennium. I loved it, because it was an acknowledgement that our theology and temple ceremonies (as comforting as they may be) do not fill the gap left behind by a child gone too soon.

Often in our “young church” I feel caught between trying to temper the “all will be well” optimism and not wanting to appear faithless.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Roy wrote: Often in our “young church” I feel caught between trying to temper the “all will be well” optimism and not wanting to appear faithless.

Funny thing that you phrased it that way. Too often, when I expressed grief in the beginning, someone would tell me, “Don’t lose your faith!” They equated faith with happiness and serenity. A loss of serenity in my life was seen as a loss of faith. I kept trying to decide how grief and faith were even related. To me, they were like flowers and toasters .. Not even on the same lists.

I have become un-afraid of appearing faithless. The more unconcerned I am, the more people comment about my “untroubled” life. Such a weird dichotomy.

[Author]

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