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I would mention that it is much more damaging to have a porn problem and be married than have a porn problem when you are single. Old-Timer wrote:Bottom line:
They aren’t your kids.
Don’t act in any way that you wouldn’t want others to act toward you about the way you raise your own kids.
Point taken.
rebeccad wrote:I would mention that it is much more damaging to have a porn problem and be married than have a porn problem when you are single.
A porn problem is different than occasionally looking at porn. Explain what the difference between being married and being single in the level of one being more damaging. A wife might consider viewing porn twice a year as a problem while some wives might think that missing work and spending a ton of money would be a problem.
Even though I’m not married, I would agree with the post. That does sound like awful advice. My porn addiction is much more of a habit now than an addiction. I don’t even watch it all that anymore. Drinking lots of water and deep breathing helps me a lot. Ann wrote:…Awful advice.
I think that if someone hasn’t seen what most people would call pornography, then he should make sure he sees some, and decide what kind of a place it has in his life.Same for women. Do I want to watch porn?…Then serious daters (Not their fathers! We want only grown-ups to marry and if you can’t handle this issue as an engaged couple without parental interference, are you ready for marriage?)… serious daters should exchange their honest answers before getting married or even seriously involved.Save some heartache… rebeccad wrote:I would mention that
it is much more damaging to have a porn problem and be married than have a porn problem when you are single.Not if you believe Church leaders; it sounds like they think porn is the worst invention since torture. There is no place for it ever, according to them. It’s an easy target and scapegoat to try to blame for almost everything they don’t like to see. If young men don’t go on missions or fall away from the Church after their missions then they like to assume that porn was a primary reason why because in their minds there couldn’t possibly be something wrong with the Church. It looks like most women in the Church already don’t care for it and most men in the Church wouldn’t dare openly admit that they like it so Church leaders can easily beat this dead horse all they want and almost no one is ever going to say, “Wait a minute, I don’t know about that; can’t we put this in perspective?”
That’s why I can’t imagine that very many believing Mormons would ever actually decide for themselves that they don’t want to stop viewing porn and openly share this feeling before getting married because it just isn’t viewed as a valid choice that they would generally feel like they have any business trying to defend. For that to happen, Church members would typically have to lose faith in the Church before getting married but it seems like it is much more common for this to happen years later. Of course, even if they honestly believe porn is wrong that doesn’t stop many LDS men from viewing it sometimes after they are married anyway because deep down they still want to even if they outwardly agree with the idea that they aren’t supposed to be doing this.
DevilsAdvocate wrote:Not if you believe Church leaders; it sounds like they think porn is the worst invention since torture. There is no place for it ever
Unless you are watching “Elder LoL Cats” in LoLCats General conference
Quote:Ok, U can look at pernogrify now…………………………………………………………………………………Just kidding! U shud nevr look at pernogrify
http://www.myregisblog.com/2008/10/lol-cats-general-conference.html What do you think the male porn watching % in the church is? I’ve heard people throw around numbers like 70%, but I go to church and I look around and I’m like nahhh. Not these guys. There’s no way 7/10 of these guys are really watching porn on occasion. Tell me I’m naive 
Bds4206 wrote:What do you think the male porn watching % in the church is? I’ve heard people throw around numbers like 70%, but I go to church and I look around and I’m like nahhh. Not these guys. There’s no way 7/10 of these guys are really watching porn on occasion. Tell me I’m naive…
Of any men in the Church under about 50 years old my guess is that easily more than half have viewed porn multiple times after they were married, maybe not hard-core porn but at least gratuitous nudity like Playboy. I realize there are probably many that don’t but I know there are many that are hiding it that don’t necessarily look any different than the average ordinary everyday active Church member, in fact I think some of the most conservative strait-laced looking guys are actually trying to hide their little secrets the most of all. Why do you think Church leaders talk about it so much? It’s not like they are saying don’t rob banks, don’t smoke crack, etc. precisely because most active members already don’t but because so many wives have been freaking out about porn it gets reported up the chain and escalated as a major pressing issue.
Bds4206 wrote:What do you think the male porn watching % in the church is? I’ve heard people throw around numbers like 70%, but I go to church and I look around and I’m like nahhh. Not these guys. There’s no way 7/10 of these guys are really watching porn on occasion. Tell me I’m naive
I was talking to a member of our bishopric and he said that he like most males really have to try hard to avoid porn and that with just a push of a few buttons on the phone you have access. Almost every guy I know view porn at least every once in a while. I would guess 90%.
This is an example of how other people are very casual with the marriage commitment. I personally believe many members have been that way…when they say “all that matters is that its in the temple”. “all that matters is that he honors his priesthood”. “All that matters is that he’s a worthy returned missionary”. Bottom line – you need to be compatible with the person. And compatibility does not come with avoiding a porn addiction, with the fact the person served a mission, married you in the temple, or even keeps the commandments of the gospel. What matters is that each person meets the other person’s needs, and as effortlessly as possible. Terrible advice in the OP.
I have no idea what the percentage is, so it is completely inappropriate of me to make a wild guess. Old-Timer wrote:I have no idea what the percentage is, so
it is completely inappropriate of me to make a wild guess.What’s the worst thing that could happen if you guess wrong? Will it make the Church look bad in an unfair way if people get the impression that a significant percentage of practicing Mormons are looking at porn sometimes? Personally I think a much healthier and more realistic attitude than buying into all the pretending and trying to keep up appearances that go on in the Church is to simply accept that at the end of the day Mormons are still just people like everyone else and being clean-cut RMs with temple recommends doesn’t change the physical reality of what is going on.
Anyone who knows my story knows that marriage, if it doesn’t go as planned, can be a trigger for adultery or porn addiction. NOt that I’ve committed these things (I haven’t), but it certainly has taken self-discipline in this area given the surprises you get when you marry a partner who is not into physical affection. The person who introduced this concept — that marriage is a panacea for porn addiction — is making a grave error. And again, I say, that members are very casual with the lives of other people when it comes to marriage. They encourage marriage without preparation, marriage without compatibility…like when BY said “any two people can have a successful marriage provided they live the gospel”. If you want to white knuckle your way to a marriage that simply doesn’t dissolve, and descends into toleration — then take BY’s advice.
Quote:What’s the worst thing that could happen if you guess wrong?
Badly inaccurate information could get spread all over the place.
I believe there are a LOT of members who few porn occasionally, lots who view it regularly and more than people think who truly are addicted according to classic addiction measures. I just refuse to put a totally uninformed percentage on each category – and I believe most people who do are WAY off, at both ends.
Well said SD Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2
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