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I agree with your wife. If they are giving you a form, write your name on it and make them bring it up. Also, if someone outside the ward performs the baptism, the Bishop usually contacts the other person’s Bishop to make sure there are no issues that should keep that person from performing it. It should be simple and straightforward.
Just a quick update on this. I have decided for sure to go ahead and baptize my son. I don’t think I would have made that decision without the support and encouragement of you all. I’m still not totally comfortable with every aspect of it, but I think it will be a good thing in the long run. I ended up just putting my name on the form and turning it in. A couple weeks later, we were asked to come in for my son’s interview with the bishop. We ended up bringing in all the kids (we have five kids under 8, so finding a babysitter is not trivial). The interview went really well. I had coached my son by repeating to him a number of times that getting baptized was about promising to do your best, and getting the Holy Ghost was a commitment to listen and learn. He answered the bishop’s questions that way, and the bishop thought it was great. He gave pretty standard primary answers to the other questions. We came to the part about who was doing the baptism, and the bishop just confirmed that it was me and wrote it down. No trouble at all.
I am not doing the confirmation—I just don’t feel that comfortable with it, and my son seems to be totally fine having grandpa do it. I also like the idea of involving other family members, so that works out well.
Here’s a weird and slightly uncomfortable question—what about underwear? I haven’t worn garments in years and don’t even own any. I don’t want any awkwardness over that. Any suggestions?
Don’t worry about it. Priests can baptize, even if they haven’t gone through the temple. There is no requirement to wear the garment to perform a baptism. So the baptism was today. I was pretty nervous about it, but I just kept focusing on my son and how much it meant to him to have me there and perform the baptism for him. Everything went great. I was worried about getting comments or questions from family members about me, but nobody said anything the least bit annoying. It was a really good experience. Thanks so much to everyone who commented and offered their support. I don’t think I would have been able to do this without you all. Once more: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: So happy to read this.
That’s great to hear. I had been really nervous about my son’s baptism too, but his went really well also. I think it will give them good memories to look back on. That is great news. So glad it went well. :thumbup: I am so glad to read how beautiful the situation turned out. When I read your post explaining how you feel that you aren’t being totally authentic if you baptize your son. I am a woman, so I don’t have the priesthood or the added stress of ordinances or priesthood progression. (for the first time in my life I am grateful for this). But I did empathize with you that you fear the repercussions of having your children assume that you believed one way only to find out later that you didn’t. Personally, I am so glad that you baptized your son and it sounds like you are too. But how are you feeling about the other concerns?
I did learn so much by your situation, so I appreciate your being so open and taking the time to explain your thoughts and feelings and for everyone for responding.
That’s great news. Thanks for the update. I had always dreamed of baptising my kids. That and ordaining my son to the priesthood. For me, it is part of passing on our legacy. (the thought of not being present at their potential sealings is actually not bothering me so much – time will tell.)
opentofreedom wrote:I am so glad to read how beautiful the situation turned out.
When I read your post explaining how you feel that you aren’t being totally authentic if you baptize your son. I am a woman, so I don’t have the priesthood or the added stress of ordinances or priesthood progression. (for the first time in my life I am grateful for this). But I did empathize with you that you fear the repercussions of having your children assume that you believed one way only to find out later that you didn’t. Personally, I am so glad that you baptized your son and it sounds like you are too. But how are you feeling about the other concerns?
I did learn so much by your situation, so I appreciate your being so open and taking the time to explain your thoughts and feelings and for everyone for responding.
I’m glad to hear that my situation has helped someone else. Thanks for letting me know.
I have had a couple of talks with my wife about my concerns with being authentic. I think she understand my concerns. It’s a hard line to walk, because on the one hand I don’t see very much harm, if any, with raising my kids in the church. I liked my upbringing, and in many ways I’m happy to be giving them the same thing. But it really disturbs me to think that my kids might go their entire lives not knowing some very important and basic things about who their dad really is. When my wife suggested that I could talk to the kids about my doubts and beliefs as they get older, I felt so relieved and happy. It just confirmed for me that I married the right woman.
So, as the kids get older and more able to understand the nuances of my beliefs, I’ll share more with them. I am also going to try implementing some of the other advice I’ve heard on this board—letting the kids know when I disagree with someone at church and teaching them that it’s OK to disagree while still loving each other, teaching them to use their own minds, bringing up some of the church’s historical issues earlier than they might hear them otherwise, and generally trying to have a family culture that is stronger than church culture. I would hope that all those things will make it much easier for my kids to accept my doubts and beliefs when they get old enough to understand, while still giving them a chance to forge their own path. I have no idea if I’ll be able to pull it off, but I have more hope today than I did a few weeks ago, thanks to you all.
Daeruin, I am so happy to hear how supportive your wife is being!! That is fantastic!
I think that sounds like an excellent plan. I have a very similar plan. My children are 13, 9, and 5 and I don’t feel right about teaching them what I believe yet.
First of all because I am not sure what I believe and what I don’t believe. Second because we started this family one way and now I am changing the rules. But from non-lds view that is ridiculous because doesn’t everyone change and develop? Maybe not so extreme but still…
My husband has had a hard time and I have said things in anger in regards to the church that I regret. (Not that I don’t think what i said was true, but I should be more respectful).
Now if we can just navigate how to raise our children. One thing that might prove to be difficult is when my teenagers don’t want to go to church. I have always been the more lenient one and pretty easy going as far as free agency, my husband is pretty letter of the law, so this is going to be interesting. But I love him enough to see him half way and I love myself enough to stay true to myself.
Quote:It’s a hard line to walk, because on the one hand I don’t see very much harm, if any, with raising my kids in the church. I liked my upbringing, and in many ways I’m happy to be giving them the same thing.
I agree with that for the most part. There are some things I would weed out, but for the most part I think my kids can benefit from being LDS (minus the religious guilt).
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