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I don’t know why I’m posting this here. I guess it’s one of those “how did I get here?” moments. Today I was invited to a LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) ally event and I accepted the invitation. I guess this is one of those, “this has been a long time coming” moments that also carries some sadness with it. Of course, my attending doesn’t mean that I’m supporting everything the organization advocates but it’s still something I would have never done before now. At first I was excited about the invitation, now as I type this I realize I’m scared for what this means and maybe I should think this through again. I don’t have a lot of time to reconsider this. I’ve already said yes and to say no, especially in the context of my relationship with this person, could be seen as unprofessional. My faith in the church was something very precious and sacred to me. It’s hard for me to even put into words how sweet and cherished it was to me. My old testimony will always be something very special to me. And I think that’s why this whole process has been so incredibly painful. Recently it’s being dawning on me that my situation is getting very real. I don’t believe and it’s not changing and I’m walking further away from the church–I’m not convincing myself to stay in the church, to feed my faith, to see the positives, because I don’t want to. And that reality is awful.
I remember years ago staring at a booth for Gay-Straight-Alliance, a student club. It was strange–I wanted to join. I knew the church’s stance and I even agreed with it and yet I wanted to join. Here I am now, only a few years later, doing something that contradicts the church’s stance in a major way.
Maybe the church is right about its stance on gay marriage. Maybe it’s right in its stance on gay relationships being a sin. I don’t know. But I don’t trust the church anymore to always be a correct moral authority, especially on social issues like this. A part of me still wants to go to this event. I absolutely advocate against discrimination and that’s part of this organization’s mission. I want to be a help and I think it could be a positive experience. But, on the other hand, I’m ashamed and selfish. If Mormon friends and family find out about this, they will absolutely look at me differently. I don’t think many TBM’s would be caught dead at this event (notice I said many, not all) and I can picture leaders of the church advising against members going—no brainer. If people find out I attended, it could potentially cause major pain with a close family relationship that means the world to me. I’m scared and don’t know if I’m ready for this yet. I’ve been hiding my “Mormon Misfit” status so long, I’m terrified of what will happen once it gets out. A family member has already given me very painful hints of what could happen if they find out more about my faith crisis. To this person, me attending this event would heartbreaking, and hurting this person will hurt me, too. This person is not my spouse (I’m single), but a family member I care deeply about. We have a complex but very intimate relationship.
But even more, beyond the fear of other people, I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready to handle this.
And yet I already said yes, because I would like to go. I do get excited thinking about it. I just don’t know if it’s the right decision.
And then there’s always the irrational fear that it is really bad and I”m going to have bad “karma” after I go and I’m not going to be “blessed” or happy and things are going to go wrong because I’m willfully defying God, blah, blah, blah.
Help?
Go. Attending isn’t condoning. You might feel weird but that’s OK. Someone else will have more to say. I didn’t want you to feel ignored.
Good for you for saying yes. Whether you are comfortable or not you are doing a very Christ centered thing, you are extending yourself to another group of Heavenly Father’s children. Well done. Would you attend an Alcohols Anonymous or Drug Rehab meeting with a friend if he invited you? Attending doesn’t mean you personally are an addict, what it means is that you care and that you are willing to care for others with out judgement or at least reduced judgement.
There are quite a few church supported/sponsored groups for our LGBT brothers and sisters. There is Affirmation, North Star, and a couple more. Last of all Steve and Barb Young support the cause, so you are in good hands.
🙂 Good luck, have fun, meet new friends. No fear.
Good for you for saying yes. I have now doubt it will be uncomfortable for you from what you have said, but it is a great way to show others you care. You don’t have to broadcast to the world that you went either. It’s interesting a few years ago when Utah proposed the amendment 3 banning gay marriage I was totally for it, now that I’m older and have known several gay people I would vote against it. I guess what I’m trying to say is go, you are supporting a good cause and I think the church is wrong on this one. Plus you’ll grow in ways you can’t imagine. If your friend gets angry with you, simply tell them that you had committed to help and felt it was wrong to back out at the last minute. Hopefully they’ll understand. Go. There is the churches stance towards gay people and there are the cultural assumptions.
The official church stance is that gay people are beloved children of God, should be treated kindly, and never discriminated against (with the possible exceptions of SSM). Is that something that is supported at this LGBT ally event? Perhaps it is time to build on common beliefs and not worry about the differences.
Go. It’s the right thing to do.
Thanks, everyone. At the time I posted this I was physically and emotionally exhausted. It was nice the next morning to wake up and see calm, encouraging responses. I still plan on going. I think some of that initial excitement I felt when I first was invited has returned.
Please let us know how it goes. Good luck! I know that I’m bringing this thread out of the dust, but I really appreciate the support you offered me here and offer me everyday (I’m a frequent lurker). I went to the event and really enjoyed it. It was a great experience and I even saw a friend I know from high school. Back in the day he was openly gay but a member of the church (he was even in my seminary class, I’ll never forget the time he answered a question about Laman and Lemuel saying he thinks God will forgive them and they’ll got to heaven in the next life. My seminary teacher was so shocked he almost started crying) although I’m unsure if he still participates in the church.
I think I even enjoyed it more than the person who invited me.
Glad you went and glad it was a good experience. Never did Jesus say “love your neighbors unless they’re gay.” I have a few friends that regularly go to these events. They always have a good time. I’m really glad that these events exist. Thanks for letting us know. It’s great to hear that you went and had a good experience. Stepping out of the comfort zone can be scary and intimidating, especially when you don’t know how people are going to react to it. Dark Knight, I loved you comment!
DarkJedi wrote:Never did Jesus say “love your neighbors unless they’re gay.”
Good stuff.
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