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Quote:
Never be afraid to fall apart, because it gives you the opportunity to rebuild yourself into whatever you really want to be.
Love it!!! I am facing a situation like that right now. When starting anew you get to start with a clean slate and harness all the learning from past mistakes. Amen. I feel like I’m finally getting to that rebuilding phase, and as painful as the breaking down part was, I can see how it could turn out to be a good thing in my life. I’ll be able to say I own my beliefs. The thing that gives me pause (that I would sincerely love to feel differently about), is the confidence that I can building something of myself without the cumulative aggregate of my Mormon ancestors or the Mormon community that raised me me. How can I trust that I’ll make something dignified and worthwhile of myself instead of a crappy paper-mache hodgepodge of reactions (instead of positive actions)? hjartagir wrote:The thing that gives me pause (that I would sincerely love to feel differently about), is the confidence that I can building something of myself without the cumulative aggregate of my Mormon ancestors or the Mormon community that raised me me. How can I trust that I’ll make something dignified and worthwhile of myself instead of a crappy paper-mache hodgepodge of reactions (instead of positive actions)?
Hi and welcome Hjartagir,
I have enjoyed your postings so far and I hope that you continue.
I have had some similar thoughts:
1) That whatever I build will be limited to what makes sense to me and those limitations have pretty well been set by my background, upbringing, environment, and personal experiences as seen and interpreted through my mental filter that has schema, paradigm, and biological components that further limit my conclusions.
2) That I couldn’t take my time selecting only the best materials for the reconstruction. For me there was a period of about a year where I was laid bare and vulnerable – it was a painful time and I felt compelled to rebuild. I do not believe that I could have chosen to stay in that vulnerable state – there was something pushing me forward.
3) That because for me the pivotal period was about a year, the influences in my life during that period may have had an inordinate impact on shaping my assumptive world going forward (IOW I was seeing a non-Mormon counselor, and going to a non-Mormon grief group, and confiding in non-Mormon friends and I can’t help but wonder if I had had a Mormon counselor and a Mormon grief group and Mormon friends if my assumptive world growth may have been encouraged to grow in different directions)
In the end I am ok with it even after recognizing that I don’t get to choose an untrammeled destiny. It is after all MY background, and MY upbringing, and MY environment and personal experiences that I grow from. It is MY heritage, MY natural disposition, and MY biological wiring that I use to understand what it all means. Many of these things were not chosen and the decisions I did make were heavily influenced by limitations and parameters that I did not choose. But this does not diminish who I am or how I got here. It is still wholly MY unique journey even as it is in many ways similar to everyone else’s.
hjartagir wrote:How can I trust that I’ll make something dignified and worthwhile of myself instead of a crappy paper-mache hodgepodge of reactions (instead of positive actions)?
You don’t know until you try.And the beauty of the quote from Ray is that we don’t have to fear if we fall…there is opportunity to build again.
I think joy comes from building, kind of like SilentDawning’s experiences doing service…it brings joy.
Unhappiness comes from fearing failure. But if we are in the middle of our experience, then we have time to try and fail and rebuild with lessons learned. The Church is a Church of Love, not a Church of Fear.
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