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Hello. I am new here. I’m a convert of about 2.5 years. I was just endowed this past December 2013. Let me first just say, that I love love LOVE going to the temple. It’s awesome. Here is what I don’t love: Garments. Oh my goodness. They are so, so terrible. They do not remind me of anything except how much I hate them all the time. I cannot for one second believe that this constant discomfort/tugging/hideousness/heat stroking is what was ever meant by “The Garment of the Priesthood.” Not to mention, if I’m not given the Priesthood (woman), then why am I wearing the garment of the holy priesthood? That’s almost an entirely different conversation, though; I digress. They are just awful. I feel fat and ugly all day every day. I used to walk around in my underwear, and now I am always covered up, when really I want to be half-naked teasing my husband. I miss my shoulders. What is so sexual about shoulders? I can’t even wear perfectly modest clothing because they don’t work with Gs. Shorts that are 3/4 of the way to my knees? Nope. A dress with lace sleeves? Nope that looks real stupid. It’s insane. And they do not wash very well because of all the bulk, and I’m afraid I’m wearing “dirty” underwear all the time it’s disgusting. My struggle is with how to tell my husband that I do not wish to wear them. And after I get to that point, how do I maintain my temple recommend!? I love the temple so much. I am willing to wear them to the temple, and on Sundays while performing my delegated priesthood duties (I teach primary). I’ve been forgoing them on days I know my husband won’t be home to see me change when I get home from work, and I hate living this lie. He will not understand, he is very black and white, and does not handle questions concerning the Church very well. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a wonderful man, but he loves the Church (as do I) and doesn’t tend to find faults in it.
Help
😥 ShipwreckLo, First, welcome. I think you will fit in fine here. We certainly understand your concern.
I often suggest threads in our archives when a new person asks the same question addressed in other threads, and this is one such case. There is a pretty current thread I suggest you read, especially since the comment thread contains a link to another, older thread with a whole lot of very good comments. The thread linked below has 37 comments, and the thread that is linked in one of the first comments has 86 comments. Feel free to comment on either or both of those threads, so we don’t have multiple active threads about the same topic.
I normally don’t lock new threads, but we usually don’t have two active threads about the exact same topic. I will keep this thread open for welcoming comments, but I hope you understand the request to comment about garments in the thread linked below.
🙂 Having said that, comments about how to handle difficult issues with a spouse who struggles to understand are perfectly appropriate for this thread.The link is:
Shipwrecklo…..I am sorry you are going through this and I and many many women feel your pain. As Ray linked there are great threads on this that you should look up. As far as your husband, I’m sorry but most men will never understand how absolutely life altering and the negative impact garments have for many women. G’s were perhaps tolerable in the 24/7 dress wearing eras of ages past were at least women had some air flow reaching their under carriage. Modern women are in pants and garments are the worst type of underwear a woman can wear under pants for hygienic reasons (can we say hello yeast infections and welcome monthly flow).Throw on top of that body image and control issues and you have a whole other mine field to navigate. Men do NOT understand or garments would be for temple and Sunday worship only. So what about temple recommend? You didn’t covenant to wear them 24/7 but through out your life so that may mean something different for you vs your husband only you can decide. Just know that you are not alone in your frustration and issues with garments. Oh and be prepared for the TBM women’s always helpful thousand suggestions of material types and custom ordering solutions etc. that may help you be more physically comfortable. However if not then you will hear the inevitable “your suffering and pain is showing your love and obedience to Christ” fall back answer. Hmmm pretty sure that was the same answer given to women that had “issues” with religious polygamy. Just saying. “I used to walk around in my underwear, and now I am always covered up, when really I want to be half-naked teasing my
husband.”
I’m off for a cold shower.
Thanks for the warm welcome. A little too warm from some….. 😯 I guess I am comfortable telling myself that I didn’t covenant to wear them 24/7. It’s just my husband has it so ingrained, that I kid you not, he put his on today even though we were going on a hike that we knew we were going to swim at the end of in a river. Talk about defiling.
He knew he was marrying a convert who is pretty rough around the edges, but part of me still thinks he was picturing Molly Mormon as a wife before we met. He gets defensive any time I have something different to say than “what the church teaches.” There are some things I just cannot subscribe to. And that is ok for me, I am perfectly fine taking the good from the church and leaving behind the things that I feel are not inspired by The Lord and frankly, the culture. Husband is not. I don’t want to disappoint him. We were sealed two weeks ago, and I don’t want him to feel he waited so long for the right person only to stick himself with someone who can’t be all he ever wanted.
Seriously, what transpires between you and your husband is nobody’s business but your own. I’m a firm believer that what you wear in your own home, or indeed in the bedroom is your own choice. Ask him what he appreciates and keep it between yourselves!
My problem just now is I find TGs far too sweltering in the summer. I usually just wear a thin shirt (no under vest), and regular male non-member underwear underneath my jeans just now. In winter I find them great, but in summer… put it this way, an ex-bishop told me he had to change his TWICE A DAY during the summer. I’m going to wear them this morning for church, but the rest of this week no way! While sleeping just now I wear a soccer shirt as it is more comfortable than the top.
I agree, that what happens between me and my husband is between us. The problem IS my husband. HE will not be ok once I finally work up the courage to tell him that I can’t wear garments full time. The problem is inside my own home. Not that this will help anybody today, but did you know that in the early part of last century (1900s), the Q12 actually voted on limiting garment wearing to temple use only! It obviously did not pass, but I always wonder if cooler heads would have prevailed back then, how nice it would be today, and what our definition of “modesty” would be compared to the current hardline belief. Welcome! And congratulations on your sealing. That is very exciting, minus the whole wearing garments part 😆 I started a thread similar to yours just a few weeks ago (the one Ray linked you to) that has some good comments and it has a link to another thread with more good comments! There is also a great article on By Common Consent that made me feel validated and understood that you may find helpful. In my personal experience, I have felt a burden lifted since I stopped wearing my garments. Everyone has limits and maybe garments are beyond yours as they are mine and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As for your husband, he might be more understanding than you think. Mine was. I hope your fate is the same. I suggest you read this article and maybe have him read it too because (most) men just don’t understand and this may help. As for feeling fat and ugly, don’t. You’re beautiful. I don’t think our loving Heavenly Father would insist you wear something that makes you feel that way when you did not covenant to do so, even though most people will tell you otherwise. Follow the spirit. Your journey is your own and I hope your husband can genuinely support you along your way. Good luck!
http://bycommonconsent.com/2013/05/13/female-garments-the-underwear-business/ Here is an image posted on New Order Mormon (NOM). GITO (Garments in Temple Only) is a proposal which seems to be catching on among temple recommend holding members around the world. Like you, I’m all for it…the sooner the better. Notchet – your link isn’t working. Can you try to post it again? ShipwreckLo wrote:I agree, that what happens between me and my husband is between us. The problem IS my husband. HE will not be ok once I finally work up the courage to tell him that I can’t wear garments full time. The problem is inside my own home.
I have heard crazy stories about people trying to wear garments ALL the time, eg when washing, sticking just one leg in the water and the other in the TG. Obviously this is NOT practical. Unless you’re out camping or in the military etc, one’s best to change them every day, so there has to be some time we take them off. (Which is another thing about TGs – they stain far too easily with anything and everything, including grass stains if I sit on grass, food going through shirts and the much more embarrassing things that happen to us when ill.)
TGs are supposedly spiritual protection, but they are also for modesty. And a couple doesn’t need to be modest in private if they’re married according to our own orthodox rules.
I think I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I’m planning on trying to get military style TGs for myself, as they go more with what I wear (a lot of greens, browns, blue, black and other dark colors)
SamBee wrote:TGs are supposedly spiritual protection, but they are also for modesty.
It would be nice if the concept of the garment would stay more rooted in spiritual symbolism. There’s no need for the garment to indirectly enforce modesty. People dress modestly before they ever get endowed. If the garment never existed endowed people would dress modestly for better reasons than feeling the need to cover up some other piece of clothing.
“Covering nakedness” and “modesty” can be very different things, depending on who is doing the defining. I so agree, Ray. I am perfectly comfortable, and feel modest, in the middle of mid-Atlantic summer wearing a sleeveless (not spaghetti straps, but sleeveless) shirt and shorts to my mid-thigh. But no. I must always be in a tshirt and long shorts, which quite honestly makes me feel like I’m dressed like a boy. I feel like I’ve lost my agency to decide what to wear and that violates the very premise of God’s plan…for us to choose for ourselves. If the Church thinks that Heavenly Father is concerned with my underwear, then we are doing it wrong. What I can wear is HARDLY a big moral decision. Church tells us that we are the symbols of our faith and not to wear crosses, but then demands us to wear symbolic underwear all the time? Something is off there. I am so tired of having this affect the testimony that I fought long and hard for.
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