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Thanks for that additional information. It helps put things in context. That is a very difficult situation, especially if he doesn’t take your issues seriously. Do you know a professional whom he would respect enough to listen and be educated about your condition?
Regardless, welcome to our own Island of Misfit Toys.
ShipwreckLo, Please see the following thread:
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3217&hilit=+garments It is a discussion of more garment stuff but particularly about how garments can be triggers for body dysmorphic disorders and eating disorders. (not really your situation but some of the same principles apply)
The general consensus (from your StayLDS friends at least) is that psychological health wins out every time. If maintaining your mental health isn’t a good reason to modify the way you follow your religion then I don’t know what is.
Perhaps the bigger problem might be your husband treating these feelings/compulsions as imaginary.
DW and I each have our own quirks that drive some of our behaviors. I might not understand my wife’s motives or always see them as logical – but they are very real and strongly held by her.
It seems like in your marriage there is a barrier to the open free flow of communication – support & understanding that is much bigger than the church stuff. I wish for you to have support & understanding. In all sincerity I believe that you deserve it.
The only time I would wear additional underwear is in the depths of winter. Wearing a bra OVER the top is insane. I’m not a woman but can see that immediately.
Two thoughts: 1. My mom has a serious skin condition that comes and goes. When it’s flaring up, she can’t wear any clothing other than a “Muumuu” (like a loose Hawaiian dress). When this first happened, she was concerned about not wearing her garments. She talked to her bishop and he said, “For heaven’s sake, don’t wear your garments.”
2. Many years ago, I suffered PTSD after a life-threatening event in our family. Before that, I thought for people with PTSD, situational depression or OCD, it was all in their heads. I learned a lesson the hard way. It’s hard to understand something you haven’t experienced (like PTSD or a FC
I realize this post is now old, but I have a few additional things that have recently come up concerning this issue. 1) I was just diagnosed with severe vitamin D deficiency. So now wearing garments is affecting my physical health. I once had a fight with Husband about wearing a tank top while hiking to catch some sun, and he dismissed me, like humans don’t need sunshine. I have a desk job, and now when I go outside I am required to be almost completely covered.
2) I finally broached the subject of my OCD and tugging and pulling at my garments all day every day and the anguish it’s causing me. It turned into Husband questioning my entire commitment to covenants I’ve made with God. Had to walk away. I am completely worthy to go to the temple, and in fact was just there on Saturday. Where is the fairness? He doesn’t like to get up early for sacrament meeting, and he considers himself more worthy than me?
Quote:Wearing a bra OVER the top is insane. I’m not a woman but can see that immediately.
Well, call me crazy. Lots of women do this for a few reasons: 1) it keeps your bra from getting as sweaty, and 2) it “anchors” your garment top in place which has a tendency to float around all over the place otherwise.
hawkgrrrl wrote:Quote:Wearing a bra OVER the top is insane. I’m not a woman but can see that immediately.
Well, call me crazy. Lots of women do this for a few reasons: 1) it keeps your bra from getting as sweaty, and 2) it “anchors” your garment top in place which has a tendency to float around all over the place otherwise.
DW wears her bra on top, too, probably for the same reasons as Hawk.
ShipwreckLo wrote:I realize this post is now old, but I have a few additional things that have recently come up concerning this issue.
1) I was just diagnosed with severe vitamin D deficiency. So now wearing garments is affecting my physical health. I once had a fight with Husband about wearing a tank top while hiking to catch some sun, and he dismissed me, like humans don’t need sunshine. I have a desk job, and now when I go outside I am required to be almost completely covered.
I’m not an expert on Vitamin D deficiency, but am I to understand that because of this you have to be covered when you go outside (despite that we manufacture vitamin D from sunlight)? If so, isn’t that a case for wearing garments and not against?
Quote:2) I finally broached the subject of my OCD and tugging and pulling at my garments all day every day and the anguish it’s causing me. It turned into Husband questioning my entire commitment to covenants I’ve made with God. Had to walk away. I am completely worthy to go to the temple, and in fact was just there on Saturday. Where is the fairness? He doesn’t like to get up early for sacrament meeting, and he considers himself more worthy than me?
We’re not marriage counselors – maybe you need to see one?
ShipwreckLo wrote:2) I finally broached the subject of my OCD and tugging and pulling at my garments all day every day and the anguish it’s causing me. It turned into Husband questioning my entire commitment to covenants I’ve made with God. Had to walk away. I am completely worthy to go to the temple, and in fact was just there on Saturday. Where is the fairness? He doesn’t like to get up early for sacrament meeting, and he considers himself more worthy than me?
I do not think that God needs us to be uncomfortable for the sake of being uncomfortable. We are not into self-flagilation or any of the other penance type methods to approach godliness.
Garments are a great idea and have symbolism for many. Kind of like wedding rings – which DW and I both no longer wear. It just became too much of a bother. Our decision to wear them or not to where them has not changed our commitment to each other one iota.
My wife wears her bra over her garments for the exact same reasons Hawk mentioned. Quote:I’m not an expert on Vitamin D deficiency, but am I to understand that because of this you have to be covered when you go outside (despite that we manufacture vitamin D from sunlight)? If so, isn’t that a case for wearing garments and not against?
The opposite. We get vitamin D from exposure to the sun on as much exposed skin as possible. Garments are preventing that, having to cover up all the time with 2-3 layers. Thus aiding and abetting the deficiency.
Stepped out of lurkerdom just to give shipwrecklo a virtual hug. I’m exactly like you but two years further down the road (convert, anxiety, can’t stand Gs, biggest problem being TBM DH wanting me to wear them). Here’s what happened to me:
Soon after we were married I realized I would probably never get used to wearing them 24/7. I did give it a good try for about a solid six months. During those six months I had numerous breakdowns, including days I’d refuse to leave the house, days when I wanted to die, days I wanted to leave either the church or DH. I prayed constantly about garments but all I got back from HF was that he really didn’t care. I finally had a heart to heart with my husband and said I couldn’t wear them all the time anymore. He was disappointed but said he’d get used to it. It took about a year for him to truly not be sad about it. He still doesn’t get excited over me wearing cute undies, which is really depressing as far as feeling desire able to him.
I ended up talking over all of this with my previous bishop (so embarrassing, and so wrong that I’m supposed to think it’s normal to talk about this sort of thing with another woman’s husband behind closed doors) and he saw it fit to renew my TR. I’m up for another renewal and I’m hoping to let it lapse so I don’t have to either lie or talk about my intimate issues with a couple of men. Too bad my DH really wants me to renew and the bishopric is on top on things and has been requesting I come in to renew.
I hope this helps in a small way to know that someone out there truly gets what you are saying. I know I felt so alone. I wish I could call you to say it will be okay and to vent. I get really sad every conference when there is no new revelation regarding garments.
ShipwreckLo wrote:Quote:I’m not an expert on Vitamin D deficiency, but am I to understand that because of this you have to be covered when you go outside (despite that we manufacture vitamin D from sunlight)? If so, isn’t that a case for wearing garments and not against?
The opposite. We get vitamin D from exposure to the sun on as much exposed skin as possible. Garments are preventing that, having to cover up all the time with 2-3 layers. Thus aiding and abetting the deficiency.
I’m not an expert, but I’m not an idiot, either. Maybe I’m misunderstanding your statement about being diagnosed with the vitamin deficiency and having to cover up. It seems like you’re saying you’ve been diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency and have been told to cover up outside (which doesn’t make sense to me, but that’s what I’m understanding). If you’re saying not wearing a tank top has caused your vitamin D deficiency, I know enough about it to know that that is not accurate. In actuality a short sleeve shirt exposing your arms and an exposed face for about 15 minutes a day is all you need, especially if your diet also includes vitamin D (mostly supplemented by fortified milk and milk products). There are, of course, also commercially available vitamin D supplements and there are supplements that can be prescribed by a medical professional. While vitamin D deficiency is more common than most people know, and most doctors don’t routinely test for it, blaming it on wearing garments is a real stretch.
I get that you don’t like garments, I get that your husband doesn’t agree with you, I get that you have some OCD issues, and I get that you don’t find them comfortable. As stated previously here, choosing when and how to wear the garment is a personal choice. If you don’t want to wear them, don’t, and deal with your husband. Nobody here can or should make that decision for you or run interference for you.
I think I get and understand your point DJ. Garments alone would not cause one to have a deficiency.
In the end I believe that the degree that garment wearing impacts their personal health should be determined by that individual and possibly with consultation with a medical professional.
ShipwreckLo – sometimes spouses over-react to these things because they believe them to be part of a slippery slope. Today it is garment wearing – tomorrow it may be binge drinking and swinger parties. Regardless of your decision, it might help to reassure your husband that you are 100% committed to him and your children and always will be.
Quote:‘m not an expert, but I’m not an idiot, either. Maybe I’m misunderstanding your statement about being diagnosed with the vitamin deficiency and having to cover up. It seems like you’re saying you’ve been diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency and have been told to cover up outside
I never called you an idiot or even implied it. To clarify, I was not told by my dr to cover up, I was told by the
churchto cover up. My dr told me to uncover. And yes I’m aware of supplements and food sources. Thanks. I also didn’t say garments alone caused the problem, but that they are a contributing factor. Quote:If you don’t want to wear them, don’t, and deal with your husband. Nobody here can or should make that decision for you or run interference for you.
Wow. So I came to this site thinking that it was a forum and support to air and discuss any issues that we may be having with the church. I guess I was wrong. I will be leaving this site now, and be sure, it is because of you.Quote:sometimes spouses over-react to these things because they believe them to be part of a slippery slope. Today it is garment wearing – tomorrow it may be binge drinking and swinger parties. Regardless of your decision, it might help to reassure your husband that you are 100% committed to him and your children and always will be.
Thank you for this comment. I think there is definitely something to that, I’ll definitely give this some more thought.
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