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I’m not about to apologize, but don’t leave because of me. You came here asking for opinions (air and discuss), and you got them. You must decide whether or not you agree with them and you must do what you think is right for you. “Support” does not necessarily mean agreeing with you. I support whatever you decide because it’s your life – but there are consequences, and there are other choices. Were I your church leader and you desired my support in repentance, I would do so – but I wouldn’t necessarily agree with or condone the sin being repented of. (Note: I am not saying failure to wear your garments is a sin, I’m saying the choice is up to you.) If I was going to leave because I didn’t agree with what someone said I would have left a long time ago. Likewise for the church itself.
Apollonia wrote a really good comment that I just approved (since it was her first comment). Please, ShipwreckLo, read it. Dark Jedi is a great guy, but it’s really hard sometimes to “get” intent and feeling in dry words on a screen. I know him well enough to know that he didn’t mean any judgment or harshness in his comment. I think all he meant was that something like garments and spouses is SO personal and varies SO much that all we can do is offer general advice but how each person deals with this issue is completely up to the individual.
Also, he is 100% correct that “support” doesn’t mean “approval” or “agreement” all the time. I think almost everyone here will support you in whatever you decide to do with respect to wearing the garment, but we disagree with each other all the time about lots of things. Above all else, we try to help while remaining honest – and, if you read some of the threads (about the Word of Wisdom, for example), you will see that sometimes we disagree with each other strongly. That’s okay – and even good. We don’t want to be the opposite echo chamber of the type of group think that causes problems for so many here at church.
Shipwrecked Lo: It sounds a lot like your husband isn’t really listening to your concerns. Sorry for that. ShipwreckLo wrote:Getting back to what drove my original post…My husband is the kind of guy who finds these psychological things to be almost imaginary, and questioning church teachings, whether they be the official standard or not, is a no-no in my home. I have no idea how to approach him, or if I should just stop wearing them except on sundays/temple days, and hope he doesn’t ever say anything…that feels dishonest, but I’m not super confrontational.
I had an initial conversation with my husband. I could tell he was concerned because he didn’t know what my not wearing garments meant. I assured him that it was pretty simple. I wear them now when I choose and won’t be discussing it with anyone but him. I’m very grateful that he gives me breathing room on this. Good luck.
My answer to this question is to gently broach the subject a few times, easing it in over a period of time. Test the waters with your husband. Indicate how much you love the temple, but that you question why women wear them when they don’t have the priesthood. A few days later, give some gentle “complaints” such as “i’ve been drinking water all day because I get so hot and sweaty in my garments”. Wait a few more days — gently turn it up so it’s not a shock to him when you tell the truth. At first, he will likely make neutral comments, but over time, may get used to the idea that you and g’s aren’t the best of friends. When the time is right lay as much as you think your marriage/relationship can tolerate on the table. Gradually unveil your true feelings. If it looks like it’s going to be a huge issue with your husband, you then have to do a cost-benefit analysis to see if the discomfort of g’s is worth the damage to your relationship if you choose not to wear them, or bend the rules to the point you can’t have a TR. If the costs are too great, tough it out or find an alternate strategy. Simultaneously, elevate the extent to which you meet his own emotional needs in your marriage. I always recommend
http://www.marriagebuilders.com where there is a list of 10 emotional needs men and women have — admiration, sexual fulfilment, financial support, domestic support, family commitment — etcetera. Determine which needs your husband has, and then elevate the way you meet those needs. This will also strengthen your marriage during your “easing in” of the garment discussion.I believe that if you compensate for lack of churchiness by really meeting the other emotional needs your husband has, you’ll be able to weather disagreement about g’s better than if you just go blunt about it.
Hope that helps.
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