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The subject of happiness as related to the church has been on my mind a bit lately. It has partly been fueled by an email from my missionary son a few weeks ago when he said (paraphrasing) that people can only be truly happy in and through the church. The context was an inactive man he was working with and why he thought he should return to the church. Since the week before he had talked about his mission president telling them the church doesn’t have a monopoly on truth :clap: (something I thought my son already knew, BTW), I posited to my son that the church does not have a monopoly on happiness, either. As evidence I used the idea that there have been billions of people who have lived, live, or will live on the earth and only a tiny, tiny number of those have been members of the church – we can’t say that billions of people haven’t been or aren’t happy. We all know happy people outside the church and we all know unhappy people within it (and sometimes because of it, but I didn’t say that). My son did not respond to that, which means he probably doesn’t agree.As I pondered on this, I realized that there are probably a sizable number of true believers who do think as my son thinks. It seems to be part of the “one true church” idea, and is infused into the theology with things like the plan of salvation also being called the plan of happiness. I don’t disagree that the plan of salvation, if true, would bring about happiness – but I don’t think it’s the only thing that brings about happiness.
I am also willing to entertain the idea that my definition of happiness is not the general definition of happiness and that perhaps what I see as joy is called happiness by others. I don’t think the church has any monopoly on joy, either.
So my question for you is what is happiness? And why has this teaching of happiness only being available to the church come into being?
I think it came into being because: 1) Human nature. We want our decisions to be validated by others so we can tell ourselves that we made the right decisions. Convincing others to make similar decisions can be a validating experience. Tribe mentality. Being locked into our own perspectives. Etc.
2) People equating the church (as an organization) with the gospel.
This is another one of those scenarios where I think it helps to be careful with our word choice. We’re already accustomed to noticing whether someone says “I know the church is true.” vs. “I know the gospel is true.” This one is similar. “Being a member of the church is the only way to be happy.” vs. “Living the gospel is the only way to be happy.”
It may have started off with the gospel but morphed to the church. People might say one but if they really thought it through they’d tell you that they meant the other.
3) In my opinion our flavor of temple worship also helps push people toward this type of conclusion. The goal is to have every person that’s ever lived go through the temple to receive saving ordinances. People won’t be happy without them. If they got baptized in some other
churchit doesn’t count…
The church certainly doesn’t have a monopoly on happiness. You don’t have to know that you’re living a gospel principle in order to live one. That would certainly explain why so many people “without” the gospel were able to live happy lives.
DarkJedi wrote:…we all know unhappy people within it (and sometimes because of it, but I didn’t say that)…
There is that aspect isn’t there? How about the, if you don’t live my interpretation of the gospel then I’ll act in ways that will cause you to be unhappy.
DJ – This is a sore spot for me. I find it to be a ludicrous, perhaps even destructive, idea that the only way to be happy is to be Mormon. I am willing to give people a little bit of a break on this; growing up in the church this is indoctrinated pretty heavily. Though I believed it, it always felt uncomfortable, probably because I had a couple of siblings who just seemed miserable being Mormon. One has been a much happier person since he has left. The other has had ups and downs, but I don’t think being Mormon would make him any more or less “happy.”
And DJ, to your point – there are billions upon billions of people who have have never heard of and will never hear of our little church and who will be happy and kind and joyful. To assume that their peace they find, have found, is somehow lesser or inferior smacks of arrogance.
I agree with Nibbler, I think this has become pervasive because people need a reason to tell themselves why giving up their time, and talents, and money is worth it because the Church asks a lot of people. I’m not arguing whether that is a good or a bad thing, it just is what it is. And it is a scare tactic to keep people attached to the church – “if you leave you won’t be happy. You better not think about leaving, all those other people are miserable, or don’t have true happiness, or if they seem happy they can’t really be. Only true happiness is found here!”.
I think for me, my true faith journey began when I realized I wasn’t very happy being Mormon. In the book of Nephi, Jacob talks about how only those with the law will be condemned. Oh how I wished growing up that I had not been born with the law! The perpetual sword hanging over my neck and all these other people could live their lives in ignorance and then could be saved later. I wished, often, growing up that I had not been born Mormon (so maybe my faith crisis really is a desire to sin
🙂 ). I just never saw the benefits and never saw myself as being happier or more joyful than anyone, in fact I felt less happy. Thus, i consider not being a missionary, being the best kind of missionary. let people live their lives in ignorance of the law, and then it will be much easier to be saved in the next life.Sorry for the rant. This topic personally touches a hot spot for me.
I forgot to add… Telling someone else how they feel is never a tenable position to take. It’s almost comical that we even try.
SunbeltRed wrote:I agree with Nibbler, I think this has become pervasive because people need a reason to tell themselves why giving up their time, and talents, and money is worth it because the Church asks a lot of people. I’m not arguing whether that is a good or a bad thing, it just is what it is. And it is a scare tactic to keep people attached to the church – “if you leave you won’t be happy. You better not think about leaving, all those other people are miserable, or don’t have true happiness, or if they seem happy they can’t really be. Only true happiness is found here!”.
As an aside I thought it was interesting that one of the tipping points for some was to find good people outside the church that were happy. Happiness is often, in part, a matter of willingly living according to one’s beliefs and being content with where you are and if not, being willing to move.
Good topic DarkJedi — in many of my posts, I have supplanted the goals of a celestial kingdom assignment in the eternities, with achieving happiness, now. As JS said — happiness is the object and desigin of our whole existence.
In support of what you are saying, I have found more happiness outside of the church than I did, on average, within it. I would say that in the church, I had a few flash experiences as a missionary where I was on such a spiritual high I felt joy like no other — but only for a short period of time. And then it would leave. And those experiences were accompanied by many long, protracted periods of unhappiness due to the direct influence of the church in my life. The church-imposed constraints brought me extended periods of misery.
Now, in a new model of opening my eyes and my service to the world at large, I would have to say that I have been much happier in activities outside of the church rather than in activities inside the church in the traditional format. You are right — the church does not have a monopoly on happiness, and I might argue that for some, it has a unique way of creating extended periods of misery (for some people).
So, what is happiness?
1. A sense of hopeful engagement in your life’s work. You wake up excited about the things that you have to do every day.
2. A sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in the fruits of your labors.
3. Happiness in good relationships with others.
4. A sense that your life has meaning and that you are growing as an individual as you serve others in your work and volunteerism.
5. An absence of dread when you look at those discretionary items to which you direct your time.
I think happiness is a relative term really — each person will define it differently, but that is my definition, and i have learned that I can achieve these objectives much more easily outside the church than I can within it.
Many people assume that what makes them happy will make other people happy. It’s human nature. Happiness is one of those terms that is amorphous enough to be whatever it needs to be for any individual and/or community. Thus, I don’t worry about trying to define it. I simply focus on finding what makes me happy and pursuing it. The LDS Church (or religion, generally, or any other denomination, specifically) helps lots of people; it doesn’t help lots of other people.
I do believe that Mormons are pretty happy as a people. I have a few theories as to why. 1) We emphasize it. Mormons are likely to be happy or fake it because it is a trait thet we value.
2) Mormons might have less of the circumstances that would make one unhappy. Generally, Mormonism supports strong, clean, and wholesome families. It is not surprising that strong families would increase happiness.
3) Mormons have purpose. I remember taking a college course back in the day that studied enjoyment. One of my take aways from the class is that people are more happy if they can feel that their goals and tasks are part of an overarching goal or umbrella purpose. I remember thinking at the time that Mormons have this. Everything that we may do contributes to the state of heavenly parents we may one day become.
I do not suggest that Mormons are the happiest group, I have nothing concrete to really compare them to other groups. It would be an even greater stretch for me to claim that to be LDS was the only way to be really happy.
Unless….
I am talking about reaching my full potential as a God in embryo. In that case I could say that only LDS people will be fully happy.
Except…
Everyone will be given the same ordinances and an opportunity to accept them. This should then level the playing field and segregate us more by our true nature. Light will gravitate to light regardless of what religious or geoplolitical differences may have seperated us in the mortal sphere. By this theory everyone will be happy because everyone will find where they truly “belong” or “fit” into the great plan of happiness. Of course even here we maintain that our joy is better because of eternal increase. I suppose we have to do that in order to stay motivated.
DarkJedi wrote:people can only be truly happy in and through the church.
I flat out reject such comments, although I readily admit that I said these exact words many times in my life.There is truth behind the meaning because I think if you live the gospel, and put your life in harmony with true principles, you will be happier than trying to go against the current of truth.
But from there…the rest is the same discussion as if the church has all truth or not (which it doesn’t). When members of the church believe the temple or church ordinances create greater happiness than anything else that can be found on the earth…those statements are about their faith and they believe it. Like Ray said, what brings them happiness is their testimony to others it will bring everyone the same happiness. Lack of experience and knowledge of alternatives (also called ignorance) leaves us with opinions of what we think we know, and become our “truth” as we see darkly.
The same inactive man the missionaries were trying to bring back to church may have found yoga and meditation and buddhism and become “truly happy” by stopping some destructive habits and replacing them with good ones from buddhism, just like missionaries teaching him the LDS story to help him align his character to more gospel truths.
The gospel truths bring happiness. The church doesn’t have a monopoly on it. But it makes for great conversion stories and missionary home coming stories and can inspire someone else who is searching for truth with a path to follow that will lead to blessings and happiness (and also future problems and unhappiness from a mormon experience).
Mormonism provides the greatest experience for me to be happy. I don’t know if it will for others. But there is nothing wrong with me saying it is the best for me.
Heber13 wrote:Mormonism provides the greatest experience for me to be happy. I don’t know if it will for others. But there is nothing wrong with me saying it is the best for me.
Heber, totally with you on this. DW is a convert. She doesn’t believe the LDS church is the one true church, but it is the one true church to her. But she doesn’t think that its for everybody.
I agree with this – it can be the one true path for a particular person, but to generalize one’s own experience onto the rest of humanity seems a tad silly.
Roy wrote:I do believe that Mormons are pretty happy as a people. I have a few theories as to why.
1) We emphasize it. Mormons are likely to be happy or fake it because it is a trait thet we value.
2) Mormons might have less of the circumstances that would make one unhappy. Generally, Mormonism supports strong, clean, and wholesome families. It is not surprising that strong families would increase happiness.
3) Mormons have purpose. I remember taking a college course back in the day that studied enjoyment. One of my take aways from the class is that people are more happy if they can feel that their goals and tasks are part of an overarching goal or umbrella purpose. I remember thinking at the time that Mormons have this. Everything that we may do contributes to the state of heavenly parents we may one day become.
I would add4) They have a strong supporting community. They will often help you when you trip and when someone helps you when your down, it means a lot.
This topic has also been a really tough one for me. All I have ever known is this church and I have been told many times that I couldnt be happy without it. So when the doubts came, I was suddenly facing the possibilities that if I couldnt accept the church anymore, I was going to be miserable. This has been ingrained in my head for as long as I can remember. I do agree with Roy in saying that purpose really does give you happiness and the church gives us a lot of purpose in our lives. I think my goal lately has been to try and choose happiness no matter where my journey leads me. I have so many things that bring me happiness. The other, is to make sure I do not lose some sort of purpose and right now it is to trust God. I have noticed that since all of this started for me, my focus has shifted to self preservation and trying to get answers. Now I am happy to change that focus back to my family and let God take care of the rest. That will be my purpose, and I am so so happy with that purpose right now. Wow, I said purpose a lot! 😆 DarkJedi wrote:
So my question for you is what is happiness? And why has this teaching of happiness only being available to the church come into being?Alma 41:10 came to mind when I read your post DJ. “Wickedness never was happiness.” Many LDS tend to think of the world as a whole as wicked and therefore unhappy. We have many doctrines that could make LDS think we are happier than others – we have the truth, we won’t be burned at the 2nd coming, we have the priesthood, our prophet talks with God, we live longer than others, we were generals in the pre-mortal life, we take prozac more than others. Yes, I’m getting a little snarky here…
Seriously, though, aside from thinking that the 2nd coming is just around the corner, I think many LDS tend to be optimists. There are many good things about our culture and lifestyle.
For me happiness is:
* Being around people I care for
* Physical needs being met (food, water, shelter, sex)
* Recreational activities
* A lack of stress
* Stability
I have an evolutionary approach to this question. Happiness is an emotion that you get as a reward for doing things that are good for your survival and propogation. Like feeling connected to a loving and supportive family or community, being recognized and shown you are valued by that community, when you eat yummy and satisfying food, when you have a loving relationship with someone (being in love is one the happiest of all states), when you feel safe and protected, or when you acquire resources that improve your lot in life. Happiness is also a reward given for altruistic behavior for helping and supporting your tribal members. Happiness is also related to but different from excitement where your brain and body are actively engaged in the chase for survival (jumping out of airplanes) or for resources and a primary spot within the tribe. Fo example working to get promoted, experiencing new things like traveling, or working out problems like tackling home improvement projects. From an evolutionary stand point it makes sense that since women are so vulnerable during the very long time it takes to raise a child that they have evolved to especially focus on relationship building as there best chance for survival while men may be more focused on competing with each other (business, leadership positions, sports). Of course everyone is a bit different and everyone has different primary drivers, but I think happiness is best explained by evolutionary theories.
I just wanted to chime in and say I do appreciate everyone’s comments. I asked the questions because I really want to try to sort this out in my mind. I’m sure some of the issue for me has to do with the definition of happiness, and it is apparent from some of the comments that there is a broad range of definitions. I am still pondering the subject.
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