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I recently spoke with my wife about some of my doubts, she enjoys the community at church, but honestly, only goes because it was what I wanted. She was really supportive. She said that it can be really hard for someone to walk away from a religion he grew up in. She is right, but why? I understand that many people remain in the church because of their family and wanting to keep the peace, or not become outcasts, if living in Utah. But that’s not the case for me. Most of my family are not members and I rarely speak with those that are, so there’s not much outside pressure.
Looking back I’ve had experiences that gave me conviction enough to go on a mission with little to no family support, i did it because I felt it was right, because I believed in it. There have been moments where I was so happy thinking about the saviors love, and now I feel I almost don’t even understand the atonement at all. “I Know My Savior Lives” and other hymns are so powerful and produce strong feelings, I love to sing it with conviction. But does he live? It feels like blasphemy to say it, but maybe not. I think it’s the desire to believe that makes it hard to call it quits.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on the strong feelings I have had in the church, though not always, and it feels a little scary to give that up. Then I wonder, if it’s not true, then weren’t those feelings just coming from me anyway? Shouldn’t I be able to keep those in some way?
My wife and I decided we will stay home tomorrow, and not pay tithing this month. These are both big things because I haven’t missed church or tithing for 7 years, even when I didn’t feel like it. I’ve always paid tithing willingly, and it seems I have always had enough to cover my needs.
I guess I haven’t drawn any hard conclusions, and am still open to the possibility that it’s all true, I just can’t say for sure any more.
1) It’s hard to walk away without feeling like you are “trading up”, as has been mentioned in other threads here. When the local members are friends, people you like and even love, and when the “costs” are understood and acceptable, there generally isn’t going to be any other group that also doesn’t have its own issues – and, seriously, there is just as much cultural, mortal-induced historical crap in all religion as there is in the LDS Church, when it all is viewed skeptically. Thus, people who like people and like to worship with other people tend to stay with what they know. Most of us simply aren’t hermits – and we aren’t built to be alone. 2) Feelings are powerful and a big part of what makes us fully human. Discarding experiences and feelings is like cutting out part of ourselves, for most people, and nobody likes unnecessary surgery.
3) For most people, cynicism sucks. It just doesn’t feel good.
Like we say a lot here, focus on what your core beliefs are – things you would believe no matter what. Figure out those things (the “clear” things in your own mind), and then start trying to understand that the rest is our collective best attempt to understand the unknowable – the stuff we “see through a glass, darkly”. Then, cut yourself some slack and accept that the best you can do is the best you can do.
That’s one of the reasons I really love the concept and principle of grace / atonement, as well as eternal progression. It allows for the muddle that is our natural lives and actually gives it redemptive worth – and it gives us “all eternity” to work it all out.
Welcome Unknown. Glad you could join our online ward. I hope you find many friends here. Please know as you go along that everyone here understands the conflicts. The good days and the bad. Please remember that where ever you are, you are a child of Divinity. I believe Diety is cheering us on to become our best. Good luck with the many decisions that lay ahead. Enjoy your first LDS sabbatical. Keep us posted. We teach each other here. Thanks for signing on.
It is very hard to walk away. I haven’t done it but I think that I could. I like people too much and truthfully I like going to church but going to the LDS church has not been that enjoyable for me the last couple of years. I haven’t been one who skips much, in fact, I am sure there has only been a dozen or so time in my 35 years in the church up until the last year and then I would miss a few times if I didn’t have a calling to complete. I guess I am just too responsable. Try it for a week or two and see how it feels. It seems to me that it is impossible to go back to your old way of thinking and even believing after a faith crisis. Good having you aboard.
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