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DBMormon wrote:
Our Ward is planning a fireside on the subject title above. We plan to address the following issues so that Latter- Day saints might have a better view and better resources to handle the following issues
Same Sex Attraction–I’m going to send you my phone number in a PM. I am very knowledgeable on this subject, and would gladly answer any questions you have.
Parenting Youth to have a healthy view of Sexuality and still desire to resist sin–I really like Elder Holland’s talk “On Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments”. Although it is still heavy with “sin next to murder” stuff, it offers a credible theological perspective on sex and the Law of Chastity that can form the basis of a “testimony” of the Law of Chastity that isn’t all about “Thou Shalt Not”s
(BTW, Alma talks of “bridling our passions”, not taking the horse out back and shooting it.)
Healthy views on intimacy between a husband and a wife–There are some LDS books written in recent years on this topic that directly address the prudishness that some of us grow up with. I think the best Christian book on the topic is still “The Act of Marriage”.
Pornography–I really think it’s valuable to make a distinction between curiosity, lust, and using it to avoid relationship difficulties. “Why” people are looking at porn may be more enlightening and helpful for spiritual progress than “whether” they are. Addiction to porn is very real, but many people think they are addicted when in fact, they are not. I think there is a lot of unnecessary suffering in the church over this. The guilt heaped upon our men can be counterproductive, as it becomes the fuel for powerful cycles of porn abuse.
(BTW, I think there is a fair amount of porn online that is essentially a form of exhibitionism, but the majority of it is the result of some kind of exploitation. Understanding that the men and women in these pictures and videos are being exploited can help in seeing them as people, and helps to break the spell of lust)
Shame vs. Sorrow with sexual sin–Helping people to not feel ashamed about their bodies and their sexuality can be a big help. Also, the “sin next-to-murder” rhetoric creates toxic shame for a lot of people.
sexual abuse–I have no knowledge or experience on this one.
How to better understand and protect one’s family from the ills of Media–again, not a lot of knowledge or experience.
DBMormon wrote:My question…. are there any additional areas that should be discussed and also and ideas within each area that should be covered?
***Masturbation–Masturbation is not fornication or adultery, and we need to stop teaching that it is. It’s interesting to me that the current CHI does not even mention the word, and the term “self abuse” only appears once. Hmmm…. Also, just like pornography, I think it’s more important to get at the “why” than the “whether”. I used it for years to self-medicate the pain of being gay, and it was not good. Helping people to break out of this kind of relationship with masturbation is probably good.
FWIW, As a single man in my thirties with no current potential for marriage, I have jettisoned the idea that I shouldn’t ever masturbate. And ironically, I masturbate less than I used to as a result. Hmmm….
In general, dealing with all of these issues in one fireside is probably not realistic. I think developing healthy attitudes is the result of decades of frank conversations, and good role models.
Regarding the shame issue… I go by kjones on MormonDiscussions (I don’t post there anymore…too many haters) and I posted the following a month ago or so: Quote:A few years back I was having dinner in a quiet restaurant with five high school friends. We’d all gone on missions, gotten married, had children. So far, no divorces but me. At the time one of these friends was a high councilman, another was an EQ prez. We were then and still are all active.
Somehow the subject of “self-abuse” (we didn’t call it that, rather we used another term, the same term with which we used to refer to it in high school) came up. I think one of our number told a joke, we all laughed, and then the table went silent. It was not a subject anyone wanted to talk about. It’s one of those subjects you laugh and tell jokes about, or you don’t talk about it at all. I asked why this is so, why everybody was so embarrassed to bring it up.
“Shame-inducing,” one of our number remarked. “I’m ashamed right now, in fact I’m blushing.”
“Why? Because you have to do it occasionally?” another of our number said. “But we all do, every one of us? Right?”
Nods all around, except the friend who was a high councilman.
“I don’t,” he said. “Nope. No way.” He shook his head.
“Oh, geez!” one of my other friends said. “You are a dirty liar and you know it! Are you really going to sit there and tell us that you’re the only one of us who doesn’t
?”Another moment of uncomfortable silence. My high councilman friend dropped his head, rubbed his brow a bit and then looked up, a sheepish smile on his face.
“You’re right,” he said. “I’m a liar.”
It is interesting to me, and has been for a long time now, how ashamed we all are–i.e., Mormon men. We are grown men, we have married and had children, raised families, made livings for these families, served in the church and our communities. And we are ashamed, every one of us.
None of what I’ve said may appear to be relevant to opening post, but it is, indirectly. Here is a novel idea- Don’t talk about a SINGLE negative aspect of sexuality. Find a way to not say one word about the don’t and the shouldn’ts of sex. Take the 1.5 hours you have planned and focus on the good. How does the saying go… “as a man thinketh…”? If you focus on the negative- that’s what you will get from people. If you find a way to build people- you’d be surprised what they do when taught correct principles.
My guess is everyone in that meeting has been bombarded with the what not to’s- and thou should nots… It is astounding how few adults know how to have positive discussions with their children about sex. It is even more shocking how few know how to have good discussions with their spouse. Maybe start there- building strength in people instead of guarding against weakness.
Thanks for the personal example, benin. blackout, I LOVE that comment. Seriously love it.
We have been talking about coming from a positive outlook as well…. super good idea and we will likely adhere to it.
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