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. Welcome Kelg, I am somewhat of a similar situation in that I do things to support my wife. Particularly with church expectations, I do some and don’t do others. On those that I can do, I am very consistent in doing them (WoW, Garment wearing, SM attendance). Our big one that she would like me to do is tithing. This used to be a big issue but has settled down over the years. It has taken time for her to adjust to a single payer tithing mentallity (and not being jointly lumped in with my non-payment).
Recently, DW got an HBO series that includes scenes that might be considered soft porn (or sex scenes as they are known by the non-LDS public). DW is not sure that she wants me to watch it. I have told her that if she feels strongly about it then I won’t out of respect for her feelings.
I think we are going to watch the first episode together and then decide from there.
kelg wrote:I thought we were on the same page about everything.
I have come to believe that we will never be on the same page about everything. There are differences, agreements, compromises, expectations, and forgiveness all over the place. We renegotiate these understandings all the time and that is ok. We are a partnership, a living breathing growing partnership.
Again welcome to StayLDS.
Hi Kelg! So, are you hoping to stayLDS despite not being “all in” or where do you stand with how you fit into the culture?
I have a friend who was raised very mormon. He started to drink and went off the deep end with it. It got really bad. Do you know who saved him? It wasn’t his mormon friends. …(disclaimer, I was across the country and didn’t know he was having problems)… It was his friend from work who knew how and what to do when drinking. He saved him. He took him in and helped him understand his limits. My friend hasn’t returned to the mormon church. He attends the catholic church now. I was talking to him and he was kind of offish until I asked him if he was happy. He grinned from ear to ear and said yes. I said good! Keep going to the catholic church. He opened up and told me all about his life and how he got there. It was very interesting. He is happy and I am happy for him. That said, my recommendation is to help your husband. If you fight him, he may end up in the dumps. If this friend is responsible, make sure the friend knows to teach him what to do and not do, when to stop etc.
There is my libertarian coming out. let people do what they want as long as it is not harming others.
My 2 cents ….
{my disclaimer: my advice is worth as much as you pay}
I think the fear that most mormons have against alcohol is unfounded. I’m a big fan of beer. I’m also a responsible adult/parent/spouse/citizen/employee.
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Welcome Kelg to the website! I’m probably very biased having had several family members who were alcoholics, and a friend who died of alcoholism, but there are very few positives, in my opinion, for drinking. One is maybe relaxing at the end of the day or feeling more relaxed in social situations. Actually that is the only one I can think of. However, there are many many downsides to drinking, as I’m sure we all know people who have parents/siblings/children who are alcoholics or who have made big mistakes while under the influence.
So, although your husband might be someone who ends up being able to handle drinking a few beers with buddies, I guess I have pretty negative feelings towards it. I do know people who it isn’t a problem for also, at least as far as I know.
I myself drank for a few years, and while was not addicted, did some pretty stupid stuff (didn’t hurt anyone or drive under the influence). So, coming from that perspective and the fact that you don’t really like the person your husband wants to go drinking with, I would be on the side of discouraging it. Maybe if he really wants a few beers he could stay at home and have a few there. Let him have some near beer and see if he really likes it. Personally, I don’t think it tastes very good. I’m sure there are those who will disagree with me.
Harmony wrote:… Personally, I don’t think it tastes very good…
WHAT?
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I was waiting for cwald’s comments in this thread. 
I think it depends totally on the people involved. There are people who handle alcohol in moderation very well, and there are people who shouldn’t get close to it at all. Knowing my own obsessive tendencies, there is no way I’m going to risk it – but I have no problem with others who drink responsibly. If I ever sit down with cwald, for example, I’ll drink something non-alcoholic while he drinks his beer – and nothing about our relationship will change.
My only concern about what you described is that his friend will encourage him to drink to excess – and that can be a much lower amount than most people assume for someone who is not accustomed to alcohol.
Also, given what happens SO often in our society, I have told my daughters directly that if they ever choose to drink I hope they NEVER do so in situations where they are especially at risk – and those situations are far more numerous than many people assume.
Quote:“Cwald said “WHAT?
Sorry Cwald. Didn’t know that you are a big beer fan. To me it always tasted like someone cut the lawn, put the grass in a bottle and shook it up. Bleh! But hey, that’s just me. I know plenty of people who do enjoy it. So, no hard feelings?
:thumbup: Quote:Cwald said: “I’m a big fan of beer.”
Quote:I said: “Sorry Cwald, I didn’t know that you are a big beer fan.”
Hah, just read a few threads before mine and realize I should have paid a bit more attention.
💡 Harmony wrote:Quote:Cwald said: “I’m a big fan of beer.”
Quote:I said: “Sorry Cwald, I didn’t know that you are a big beer fan.”
Hah, just read a few threads before mine and realize I should have paid a bit more attention.
💡 It’s all good.
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Welcome Kleg! I’m no fan of alcohol either but if my spouse had an interest I would hope we could have a meaningful discussion where I would have the opportunity to fully understand where they were coming from – and I would also hope they would give my thoughts full attention and consideration. I also strongly believe in agency, and people must be able to choose for themselves. That is not saying in any way that we should try to remove ourselves as an influence in the lives of our loved ones, what it means is after we fully and lovingly make our presence and will known we must recognize all decisions are ultimately theirs to make for themselves. It is the same for everyone. Yes, we should carefully consider the other people in our life in everything we do – otherwise we are simply being selfish and immature. When we act in love and thinking about others with equal weight to ourselves we learn to rise above our natural human tendencies and gain an elevated perspective. When we don’t have the freedom to truly make our own decisions – through pressure or compulsion – we are not able to learn the things that we came to earth to learn.
It is a balancing act. Unfortunately life is not always easy.
The OP just shows as a dot for me “.” – what happened? mackay11 wrote:The OP just shows as a dot for me “.” – what happened?
Edited by user.Hi, kelg – I often have second thoughts about what I say here. I hope that you’ll feel comfortable. There’s a wide variety of opinion, but I think everyone wants to be helpful to each other. Good luck with your situation.
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